Let me use this disclaimer first:
I AM WELL AWARE OF THE FACT THAT THIS THREAD IS A JOKE...
However, the following statement is not a joke. It is absolutely true.
The idea that polynesians, or pacific islanders in general were the first to surf, or the ones who invented "surfing" is simply not true... Tahittians and polynesians were primarily the ones that european sailors etc first took note of. But that is all it was. People REPORTED surfing a lot after visiting hawaii. Surfing was ACTUALLY invented in South America...
I'm not trying to be a di** to any hawaiians, but this macho HI BS about them inventing surfing and having "bloodlines" is a mighty strech. Yes, you guys brought surfing to the western world, but stop stealing other peoples ideas and claiming them to be your own. Just like pro hawaiian surfers... You guys do it well, but plenty others do it better.
So again, here is a little blurb about it:
Modern scientific archaeology indicates, as many Peruvians have long claimed, that surfing was invented on their north Pacific coast by pre-Columbian cultures using reed boats to surf the waves. These boats are similar in shape to surfboards but are made from the reeds of a plant. Pottery from as early as 1000b.c. unearthed in Peru shows people wave riding. For those who think surfing was invented in Hawaii keep in mind no one lived on the Hawaiian Islands until 300-750AD or at least 1500 years and possibly 2000 years after surfing has been confirmed in Peru. To be certain, Peru has the oldest archaeological and cultural evidence in existance. Additionally, it is clear that the lineage in Peru originates in the Pre-Incan past 3000 years ago. It continues to the present in both the ancient and modern forms. As proven by archeologists this tradition can be traced back to 1000bc. Surfing is depicted on ceremonial vessels of the Viru Culture, an antiquity of 3000 years, where you can clearly see a man standing aboard a little reed craft, surfing.
It is known that Polynesians surfed. This was witnessed to be very similar to its modern form by European sources, such a Captain Cook, during his explorations less than 300 years ago. Because it was so deeply rooted in their culture, it is safe to assume that it had been taking place before then, however, we cannot be sure as there is absolutely no physical evidence in Polynesia like that found in Peru.
This means that the earliest surfing in the world, with actual physical evidence, took place in Peru. There is no anthropological or archaeological evidence for a Polynesian origin of surfing before the mid 1700s.
Food for thought.
Its a bit of a stretch to equate the riding of reed boats on waves to surfing. Undoubtedly the polynesians were the originators of "surfing" as we know it, that is, solid body shaped boards of different sizes, paddled by hand into waves and ridden prone or standing. If we take the article at face value, whatever prehistoric caveman fell into the ocean and was washed back into shore on a log was the first "surfer".