I'll go....

My buddy Eric & I stayed at a brand-new place just outside of San Juan del Sur in Nicaragua. (In fact, this place lodged the entire crew & cast of 'Survivor' as the series filmed in Nica.)

First day in-country, we surfed it up pretty good. By evening, we were both wiped from the Central American sun & lots of clean, peeling 6 foot waves. We called it an early night. Eric downstairs in the bedroom just off the kitchen, me in the upstairs loft-like bedroom.

Around 1230am I kinda slowly become conscious to someone yelling. I figure that it's someone outside the unit, drunk or something. I vaguely become aware, through the haze of sleep, of my name. How strange is that, I'm thinking. Someone's bellowing 'Mike, Mike.' WTF, that sounds like Eric. I jump out of bed & go out to the top of the stairs & look down on a surreal scene going on in the living room area.

Eric is standing up & grappling with some dude. The dude looks like a local Nica, he's dressed in dark blue pants & a white long-sleeve collared shirt. He looks almost like a security guard or something, at first glance. WTF. He IS a security guard ! I see his gun & radio on his belt as he's pushing & shoving Eric.

As I run down the stairs to get into the action, the dude sees me coming & moves backwards from Eric & starts to unholster his gun. F*** that! I smash my fists into his face, repeatedly, knock him down, blood flows (his),

I'm yelling at Eric to get his gun. Eric grabs the gun. Gives it to me. I'm holding the gun on the guy, asking WTF is going on here ?

Eric says he was sound asleep & woke up to a shadow figure in his bedroom, going through his wallet & taking money. He jumped up & grappled with the guy, and the yend up in the living room & Eric's hollering my name to come help.

Weird(er) moment. While Eric is gone to get help, I have an almost overpowering urge to shoot the thief in his knee. Just to see what that feels like to shoot someone, just to feel the power. Like I said: it was a strange night.

So I'm holding the pistol on this guy & he's bleeding from the mouth where I clocked him & he's pleading in Spanish for us not to call the police. F*** that. Thievin' prick. Eric goes out & after 20 mins finally gets the manager to get his fat arse up to our unit - the developer happened to be there too & he came up to see what was going on.

Here's the (really) creepy part. We explain what happened. The developer takes the security guard away. Then brings him back to hear the guard's side of it. And the guard has his gun back! And we demand to get moved to a different unit. Developer moves us. He asks what he can do for us. We say, bring us beer & rum. And we're def not paying for the condo stay. No prob.

So we stay up all night in the condo, drinking rum & beer & laughing & me icing my hand where I must have punched the guard in his head when we were going at it & my hand is swollen as hell.

We had a long, restless night....we feared that the guard, being a local Nica, is gonna bring in the extended family & wipe us out. We barricaded the doors & windows with couches & chairs & we dozed off just before dawn with large knives at our sides. Just in case.

Dawn finally arrived. We threw our gear in the 4wd & prepared to get the hell outta Dodge. No way were we sticking around to see what this dude's relatives were gonna do to the 2 gringos. The developer saw us as we were leaving & pleaded with us not to post any bad reviews or reports of what happened to us on his property on the Internet. We just shook our heads in disgust & split.

Eric went over to the Corn Islands to check it out. I went back home to get my hand checked: broken thumb from an errant punch to the dude's skull.

Quite a night.