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  1. #991
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stayin' Classy in San Diego
    Posts
    2,057
    Thanks guys. I just wanted to use the whole thing as a way to point out that there's a pornographer named Roy Stuart. I really like his work, he's the real hero.
    http://www.roystuart.net

    roy's boards don't really work for my everyday day style of dropping in, burnin other surfer surfers, running over kooks, back paddling, blowing the wave and flopping over. They are pretty to look at though.

  2. #992
    Quote Originally Posted by zaGaffer View Post


    Eventually the board made it to California, but not before Roy was threatened with death by the infamous Surf Mafia!!!


    .
    An amusing put pretty inaccurate post, at present I'll just correct the statement above.

    In fact, Roy was threatened by no one, it was two residents of Oahu who were threatened with death and/or beatings, in connection with the board.

  3. #993
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stayin' Classy in San Diego
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    2,057
    Quote Originally Posted by Roy Stuart View Post
    An amusing put pretty inaccurate post, at present I'll just correct the statement above.

    In fact, Roy was threatened by no one, it was two residents of Oahu who were threatened with death and/or beatings, in connection with the board.
    Well I need an editor Roy. Who can fact check you, a giant team of rabid surf monkies?

  4. #994
    Quote Originally Posted by Roy Stuart View Post
    An amusing put pretty inaccurate post, at present I'll just correct the statement above.

    In fact, Roy was threatened by no one, it was two residents of Oahu who were threatened with death and/or beatings, in connection with the board.
    Explain this. What is the reason why death was used to hurt your boards review? What is the reason? You just sound crazy if this is what you really believe.

  5. #995
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stayin' Classy in San Diego
    Posts
    2,057
    I would also like to point out that I got the part about the beard and hair right.

  6. #996
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    York Maine
    Posts
    740
    Images
    5
    Quote Originally Posted by Roy Stuart View Post
    An amusing put pretty inaccurate post, at present I'll just correct the statement above.

    In fact, Roy was threatened by no one, it was two residents of Oahu who were threatened with death and/or beatings, in connection with the board.
    I guess I'll start throwing around some sonic ear claps to resolve such issues. Speaking of sonic bursting ear claps, I think Yankee and carter might be getting an update for the surfing fight club.

  7. #997
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    MD - VA
    Posts
    3,560
    Quote Originally Posted by zaGaffer View Post
    I assume what you're really asking is, "who is Roy Stuart?"

    Well, there is a guy named Roy Stuart (often confused with the pornographer of the same name who will come up first in google) and he lives in New Zealand.



    He has a big beard and lots of hair.

    He makes surfboards and surfboard kits. He used to make them out of environmentally responsible materials like the paulownia wood that grows all around the house he shares with his wife and twelve chillens, but lately he has delved into the world of foam, plastics and titanium. He charges a LOT of money for the boards, hundreds of thousands and even millions of dollars. No one knows if he has ever sold a surfboard for his asking price and Roy is not saying either way. Occasionally, like once or twice a month, he loads up a school bus and takes the fam surfing at some spot called Raglan or something, which was named after a dead guy who ordered a brigade to do something stupid. Well, I guess that was cardigan, either way they're all dead. Not Roy and the fam, Lords Raglan and Cardigan.

    Back in the day Roy would go on Swaylock's or Surfermag and tell people like Wiliam "Stretch" Recht that his boards would work better than their boards in the same conditions, like 3rd reef Pipe or Mavericks.

    http://forum.surfermag.com/forum/ubb...1689032&page=2

    It's not an olo board in the strict sense of the word, it's a longboard gun, and in our opinion will have a good chance of winning the Eddie Aikau memorial big wave competition. - Roy Stuart

    This made some people angry and amused others; after all, there is no record of Roy having ever surfed Mavericks or even setting foot on Oahu. Some people thought that those were some pretty arrogant claims. However, Roy decided to put his money where his mouth was and shipped a board to Hawaii, which is actually pretty darn cool; but not before Swaylocks had banned him for LIFE. Poor, poor SouthJettyBill, I mean Roy. Sorry, there's a whole lotta bannin goin on.

    To date, no one has ever had the guts or according to some, the death wish, to actually try to ride Roy's boards in those kind of conditions. Here's the closest anyone ever came, Garret McNamara at Backdoor on one of Roy's boards, looks like first reef to me:


    However, a few other people rode it, including famed surf photographer Neal Mikaye and surf promoter and board shaper, Randy Rarrick (nice guy, I met him in the line up once):
    http://www.swaylocks.com/groups/13-f...hallenge-board



    Eventually the board made it to California, but not before Roy was threatened with death by the infamous Surf Mafia!!!

    http://www.roystuart.biz/2009/03/dea...er-future.html

    Unfortunately, the board soon exploded at OBSF on an inside sandbar in 8-10' surf. This made ol gaffer sad cause I had hoped to take it for a spin at Swami's when it made its way down here. Since then, it appears that Roy has been very busy making documentaries and delving into the world of 3D printing.
    Now THIS is SI Forum HOF Platinum.

    Gaff, Gaff, Gaff....your words are top shelf beverages, and premium ganja, so to speak, & it is damn good to see you return to form. Great to see you back from your hiatus.

  8. #998
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    York Maine
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    740
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    5
    Quote Originally Posted by KookieMonster View Post
    Thats a pretty honest review. Frame it close the thread we`re done here.
    It's not honest. It's laden with false troll opinion which is not a real opinion as it's not measurable by any market research because like it's been pointed out before the nay Sayers don't represent a real population.

    This said, I proved that a Roy olo can perform on short period east coast swells. But the trolls always avoid the reality and delve into falsities to amuse.

    The olo works on shorter period swell. Now the argument is for the Turning which the troll bases around their short board standard expectations.

  9. #999
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    MD - VA
    Posts
    3,560
    Quote Originally Posted by Charles Taylor View Post
    It's not honest. It's laden with false troll opinion which is not a real opinion as it's not measurable by any market research because like it's been pointed out before the nay Sayers don't represent a real population.

    This said, I proved that a Roy olo can perform on short period east coast swells. But the trolls always avoid the reality and delve into falsities to amuse.

    The olo works on shorter period swell. Now the argument is for the Turing which the troll bases around their short board standard expectations.
    It's a VERY honest review salted with humor. Y'know, humor chucka-boo-boo....that thing which you believe you possess but when you look up no one else is laughing at your verbal shpeckle...?

    Gaff has taken the time to post a great review / commentary on the gnome's plankin' product. Perhaps you're upset because this might reflect poorly on your new plankin' website?

    Best suggestion of the day, made multiple times by respected Forum posters: lock this thread. Before you & your sleepover buddies drive it to 1k posts.

  10. #1000
    1,000 posts across 100 pages and capped off poetically by the Gaff. Let this thread die in that peace and harmony. SI admin brah - for the love of Lopez, lock this thread please!!!