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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    maryland
    Posts
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    things I have had enough of

    - Obama
    - this winter
    - crazy federal taxes
    - breaking bad and walking dead should be on all year
    - people who don't work
    - teens with babies
    - marijuana being illegal
    - being addicted to mw3 and cod2
    - not farting enough
    - farting too much
    - ugly girls who think they are pretty or smart
    - getting old
    - pains that come but don't wanna leave anymore
    - my foreskin
    - speed limits
    - welfare
    - obamacare
    - floppy pancake tits
    - people who magage never to work
    - panera
    - starbucks
    - our two party political system
    - bad movies that try to appeal to largest mass man audience
    - people who dont read
    - too many electronic gadgets
    - people who call you to hang out but then are on their phones the whole effing time
    - iphone 5 having a different plug from 4
    - not being able to copy music off net anymore
    - wiggers
    - impolite surfers
    - cold ocean
    - fox news
    - coming to america and refusing to americanize even a little bit
    - gas prices
    - 4 cylinder engines
    - addicted to dip
    - hemmoroids

    ok - i feel better
    thnaks for listening

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Monmouth Beach, NJ
    Posts
    2,553
    Wow, dude... "my foreskin?" Really?

    Love your foreskin... really.

  3. #3
    floppy pancake tits... lol.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Here
    Posts
    583
    [QUOTE=eppeldaa;156395]- Obama
    - this winter
    - crazy federal taxes
    - breaking bad and walking dead should be on all year
    - people who don't work
    - teens with babies
    - marijuana being illegal
    - being addicted to mw3 and cod2
    - not farting enough
    - farting too much
    - ugly girls who think they are pretty or smart
    - getting old
    - pains that come but don't wanna leave anymore
    - my foreskin
    - speed limits
    - welfare
    - obamacare
    - floppy pancake tits
    - people who magage never to work
    - panera
    - starbucks
    - our two party political system
    - bad movies that try to appeal to largest mass man audience
    - people who dont read
    - too many electronic gadgets
    - people who call you to hang out but then are on their phones the whole effing time
    - iphone 5 having a different plug from 4
    - not being able to copy music off net anymore
    - wiggers
    - impolite surfers
    - cold ocean
    - fox news
    - coming to america and refusing to americanize even a little bit
    - gas prices
    - 4 cylinder engines
    - addicted to dip
    - hemmoroids

    ok - i feel better
    thnaks for listening[/



    You sound pissed off enough to get my vote. Congress could be the ticket. Only work 32 weeks a year. The other 20 you could surf.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by eppeldaa View Post
    - Obama
    - this winter
    - crazy federal taxes
    - breaking bad and walking dead should be on all year
    - people who don't work
    - teens with babies
    - marijuana being illegal
    - being addicted to mw3 and cod2
    - not farting enough
    - farting too much
    - ugly girls who think they are pretty or smart
    - getting old
    - pains that come but don't wanna leave anymore
    - my foreskin
    - speed limits
    - welfare
    - obamacare
    - floppy pancake tits
    - people who magage never to work
    - panera
    - starbucks
    - our two party political system
    - bad movies that try to appeal to largest mass man audience
    - people who dont read
    - too many electronic gadgets
    - people who call you to hang out but then are on their phones the whole effing time
    - iphone 5 having a different plug from 4
    - not being able to copy music off net anymore
    - wiggers
    - impolite surfers
    - cold ocean
    - fox news
    - coming to america and refusing to americanize even a little bit
    - gas prices
    - 4 cylinder engines
    - addicted to dip
    - hemmoroids

    ok - i feel better
    thnaks for listening
    Aye, Steve too has “issues” that worry at him like a Spaniard with thumbscrews.

    - Obama – Aye, Steve has run into the foul head hunter Chief from Luzon. He did cost Steve a valued crewman, his tribesmen dragging poor Tom from the longboat as we raced towards my ship, “Misery” as if the hounds of hell were in close pursuit. I drew forth from my sash a flint-lock pistol and shot poor Tom dead out of kindness. The cannibals would have boiled him alive and begun carving victuals from his flesh fore he was dead. My daughter will mourn her husband.
    - this winter – Aye, Steve too has run into hard luck this winter. Forced to put into The Great North Bay, we were frozen in ice for 3 weeks. I feared the Misery would be torn asunder, her hull creaked and shuddered in the ice’s death grips. We ate 3 of the crew who perished from the frost. I myself lost an ear.
    - crazy federal taxes – Aye Steve too, has run afoul of the Spanish officials in that hell that the Indians calls Tejas.
    - breaking bad and walking dead should be on all year – Aye, Steve too fears the Walking Dead, we had put into Port-Au-Prince to offload a “cargo” from West Afrique. The 3rd mate, was kidnapped by a local bruga. When we found him, his eyes were glazed white and he smelled of death. We killed the bruga who cursed us with his dyning breath and brought the 3rd mate back to the misery. He sat in a dark corner of hold, eating rats. A week later he attacked one of the crew, biting him dead through the neck. I was forced to sever his head with my cutlass. Messy business. His blood was black and stank of death. We tossed the bodies overboard and prayed that Davey Jones locker would contain their foulness.
    - people who don't work – Aye Steve too has problems with crewman more fond of grog than labor. Keel haulin’s too good for ‘em.The “Misery” be an unhappy berth, but she is a damn tight ship. Before Steve was a pirate, Steve was an officer in His Majesty’s Navy and doth know the meaning of discipline.
    - teens with babies – Aye Steve too wonders about the state of morality in this world with women remaining unmarried well into their teen years. Deplorable.
    - marijuana being illegal – Steve does not trust the Assassins of Kush. Far too often has Steve seen the results of their handiwork in the red ink that courses through a man’s veins. Trust no the man addicted to bhang
    - being addicted to mw3 and cod2 – Aye, Steve too suffered from the pains of the red dragon’s blood. Years Steve had disappear in a smoke filled den in Hong Kong.
    - not farting enough – Aye, Steve too starved cross the Northern Route, following the Spanish Galleons from Manilla to the Island of Kalifa. Many perished and Steve lost all his teeth due to the wasting ill. By sight of land, I chewed upon the last leather of my belt.
    - farting too much- Aye, Steve too has run afoul of the old cook’s Special dinner. Steve had the grip for a week and the cook flogged.
    - ugly girls who think they are pretty or smart – Aye Steve, cares not for Parisian harlots. Steve prefers Tortuga.
    - getting old – Aye, Steve as well fears the hoar frost of age, but let no man say Steve be not fit to lead the”Misery”. Aye, I be peg-legged and hook handed, but no man save cabin boy Pete can beat me to the crow’s nest. And Pete be half monkey, though nary as smart.
    - pains that come but don't wanna leave anymore – Aye Steve too has the phantom pains, I get a terrible itch on the bottom of my foot. As if it were just having flame set to it, fore the fire seers flesh. A cannonball took that leg below the knee, when Steve was but a midshipman. T’was against a Dutch privateer off Batavia. We did paint the decks red that day my son.
    - my foreskin – Aye Steve too has gotten the French Pox. An apothecary in Port Royale applied a burning poultice of smoldering sulphur to the oozing sores, they’re now blackened and no longer ooze pus and stinketh.
    - speed limits – Aye Steve too hates the doldrums of the Antipodes. The “Misery”’s hull is so encrusted with ship worms and barnacles that she can become becalmed in a gale, damn her.
    - welfare – Aye Steve too does not understand this new charity of the idle rich. Widows and orphans should be sent to the work houses, t’was good enough for Steve until he shipped out as a cabin boy.
    - obamacare – You truly have had more dealing with the aforementioned cannibal than Steve. Lucky are thee to have escaped unscathed.
    - floppy pancake tits – Aye Steve too does not care for them; but after chasing that cabin boy Pete through the riggings for a year, even the savage women of Tavaru look like the Queen of France. Without the smallpox scars of course.
    - people who magage never to work – Steve knows not this word “magage” that you use, it is French perhaps? Steve hates the French.
    - panera – Aye, Steve too has no love for the Spaniards. Too many times has the “Misery” barely escaped their patrols.
    - starbucks – Aye Steve too has drunk many a flagon of foul grog in that dank, pirate’s slop house. T’was there that Steve first got the drip and the French pox. Aye and Steve’s first wife.
    - our two party political system – Aye, Steve to does not hold with this “House of Commons”. Rabble they are. Steve know that only the noble blood be fit to rule over men.
    - bad movies that try to appeal to largest mass man audience – Steve cannot fathom you here matey.
    - people who dont read – Aye, Steve cares not for the ignorant, but the lower class should stay where God on high did intend for their lot to be. If they could read, they would not be satisfied with their foul lot. T’is a harsh world, but just.
    - too many electronic gadgets – Aye, Steve trusts not the new-fangled Mechaniks and their gadgetry. Fleet St. be wormed through with all manner of clock works and ingine smith’s. T’is against the will of God and there will be a reckoning, Mark Steve’s words. T’is a sign of the end of days.
    - people who call you to hang out but then are on their phones the whole effing time – Aye Steve was hanged once, t’was by a Spanish official over a misunderstanding involving certain liberties that the crew took with a female passenger whom was on a ship we waylaid out of Acapulco. He did not take kindly to the way she was treated, nor that we left her as payment for a tab at Starbuck’s in Tortuga. A relative of his she was. Luckily, they did not give Steve the quick drop, but instead wished to strangle the life out of me. T’was a quick cut, but I was saved from my doom at the last minute by. . . well, t’is a long tale.
    - iphone 5 having a different plug from 4 – Aye Steve too hates the Irish. Heathen Papists.
    - not being able to copy music off net anymore – Aye Steve too misses the gentle sounds that soothe the savage beast. We did have to hack the ship’s harpsichord into kindling when t’were stuck in the ice flow.
    - wiggers – Aye, Steve too was nearly killed by the terrible tribesmen in the swamps of that land that the Spanish now call Florida.
    - impolite surfers – Steve too ran afoul of the savages of the Cook Islands at first. We began trading rum and muskets to them and in kind they have become quite agreeable.
    - cold ocean – Steve fears not the cold watery depths, landlubber. T’is when the sea ices over and the world be covered in death white sleep that his heart pounds.
    - fox news – Aye Steve too, hates the fox. When we were stuck in the ice flow, a fox made its way into our store, it made off with all the salted meat. Damn its hide
    - coming to america and refusing to americanize even a little bit – Aye Steve too hates the people of Genoa.
    - gas prices – Steve too is appalled by the high cost of whale oil. A schilling a barrel, they be of the sea, thar be millions of the giant fish. Steve wonders, “What gives?” Me thinks there be a grand conspiracy afoote. Steve blames the Dutch. Aye, Steve hates the rotten OrangeMen.
    - 4 cylinder engines – Steve too hates the mechanical. Thou arte prone to repeating yourself.
    - addicted to dip – Aye Steve, red dragon’s blood, blah, blah. You whine a great deal
    - hemmoroids – You and the cabin boy have the same complaint. Do you be a catamite as well? Thou would be popular amongst the rest of the crew.

    Steve thinks thou art weak like the drink a wetnurse will give a babe to ease it’s colic. However, Steve is desperate for an able bodied crew and will offer you a half man’s share of all prize taken for the first 3 years afore the mast. If you prove of stalwart timber and be not dead, Steve shall raise it to a full share. What say you, d’ost thou wish to become a real man and crew on the “Misery” or will you remain a whining landlubber, mewling like a colicky babe? Steve warns you, the crew has little patience for those with naught but complaints. They have been kowne to toss a Jonas to the whale, if ye can fathom Steve's depth. We set forth from Cape May for Nassau on the outgoing tide, if the winds favor us.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Turtle Island
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    ^ Gotta be Gaffer, any other guesses?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stayin' Classy in San Diego
    Posts
    2,104
    Quote Originally Posted by seldom seen View Post
    ^ Gotta be Gaffer, any other guesses?
    I wish I was this funny. Not me mang. SJB?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    MB 07750
    Posts
    362
    I'll go over your list more closely when I have time i.e. never but real quick you should quit dipping, its like seriously really bad for you

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    anywhere there is surf
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    Yep, gaffer your good and I really enjoy your writing but if this isn't you it has to be SJB...that is some funny stuff

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    maryland
    Posts
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    dand Steve
    that is a powerful first post

    i will join you if you will have me
    i complain little and only occasionally

    i keep my foreskin clean

    i carry weapons that could be of use