I know what you are thinking. You're like "Dude are you out of your mother punchin' mind?!? How in the year 2013 are you selling the greatest 6'4" fiberglass thruster every created by human hands?!?" Trust me, I hear you loud and clear. This 6'4'' Channel Islands Flyer II F (f for fish tail) has brought me much joy, but our paths must part here. Story goes like this. Little while ago, I had a **** job working at a facility for the mentally ill. Everyday I was getting bitten, punched, kicked, spit on, called every name in the book. I got sh*t thrown at me, urine chucked at me from sippy cups, and F*CK YOU written in blood to me more times than I can count on over 9,000 millipede legs. This was my routine everyday, trying to get people who had been given the worst of possible circumstances, a chance at bettering themselves by allowing them to cast their hatred towards all living things on my kind and generous soul.
As time went on, the daily routine of assault got worse and worse and on one faithful day, I was clawed by a 200 lb. 10 year old girl from my hairline to the middle of my back taking about a gram of my flesh with her, under her fingernails. So, "that's it!" I said. I quit that **** job knowing it was going to cost me my sanity or my very well being, with no guarantee of one before the other. I met an insanely hot asian model who is pretty much the sweetest person I've ever met, and I found a job out of state making 6 figures a year. Saddest part is, The state I'm moving to doesn't have any oceans to surf. FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
So that's my story. This is why I have to part with this wave ripper of the gods. We will always have those sketchy late drops and those triple overhead barrels racing Neptune himself as he tries to close the doggie door on me. This ride gave me countless memories and I hope it can bring you as much joy and happiness as it did for me. I really hope this magical babe magnet can be passed on to someone who is down on their luck and maybe feels like if they just found the right board, it would turn them into the next ASP World Champ. I really think this could be your ticket to Pipe Masters. This Rolls Royce of wave riding can get you anything from ankle slappers at Malibu to tow-in surf at Jaws. It's really up to you what your limit is. All I know is that $265 isn't all that big of a risk to take for endless fame, glory, and the greatest surf legacy this world has ever seen. A much bigger risk is not taking the chance of a lifetime.
One more thing... IT COMES WITH A TIGER SLAPPIN, DRAGON PUNCHING, MOTHER FLIPPIN' BOARD BAG, AND 3 SLAB SLAYIN' FINS!!1 I got a leash to *****in' Gorilla leash to throw into the package to complete the circle.
265 George Washingtons takes it all. Not one Official 1st President of the United States of America bank note less.
And to win this opportunity of a lifetime, all you gotta do is reply to this email in your most formal and eloquent King's english, in a prompt and timely fashion. Good luck!