I live in Monterey, minutes from several great surf spots. Got a great deal on a 9/23/3 longboard and 4/3 wetsuit (I'm a big guy 6'3" 280) and I am dying to learn how to surf!! I had one lesson in Santa Cruz at Cowells, it was awesome and now I'm ready to hit the waves and have some fun!! Only problem is I get about waist deep in the water and stare at what I know aren't that big of waves but they look huge and I don't have the balls to paddle out.WTF!!! The fist day I went out I actually got out and paddled around for about 40 minutes and I've been out three times since then and not been able to bring myself to jump on my board. I'm going by myself because I'm new to the area and don't know anyone interested in learning but I'm not the only one in the water I just don't know anyone. So that brings me to my original question...Why am I such a *****???