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Thread: Sjb

  1. #1
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    Sjb

    Will someone please tell me what SJB is so I don't have to dig through archives and read old threads like I'm dying of cancer and bed ridden. I would appreciate the help

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erock View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Swellinfo View Post
    The forum takes on almost a culture of its own, based on the past history of who talks about what.
    Its almost impossible for even the owner to mold it however, he/she wants.
    So, I say, bring on some good conversation and be the catalyst for some interesting topics. I'm not sure that happened in this thread.
    Wait for it..... wait for it.....
    Quote Originally Posted by CBSCREWBY View Post
    Bring back south jetty bill!!!!!!!
    I figured now was the time for this. I’ve been hanging onto this one for a while.
    Say his name three times like Candyman. The greatest Sweller to ever d!c<slap an AC call girl. The only sponger to beat Bogeton Wolftucks at a game of poker, I give you ‘THE BEST OF SOUTHJETTYBILL’
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Listen, anyone fimiliar with Atlantic City knows that all sorts of species can be found living under the boardwalk. We all feel bad for them.

    One day last week, I was walking down the boardwalk and spotted a big pack of seaguls a few blocks north of States Ave. They were the big guls that have a lot of feathers on them that resembles fur. I'm totally stoked on those dudes. They look furry and shoot. So, I dodged a few memebers of the 8 Block, and went onto the beach.

    I try and communicate with seaguls. I try and creep up on them and initiate conversation. I've been doing this for a long time, and quite frankly, I haven't had much success. But I will never stop trying.

    I approached the pack, which were longing at the waters edge and was making good progrees when I heard, "Excuse me Chap."

    I turned around and a rather large sized dog was looking straight at me. He must have come from under the boardwalk and was now a few feet away from me.

    "Allow me to present myself, I am Bogeton Wolftucks. I am from Wales and I eat surfers." Can you imagine what it's like to hear a dog speaking to you........

    So I countered back in my best Spicoli voice, " Hahaaaahaa aaaaa I'm no surfer, I'm a boogie boarder, dude. I guess your shat out of luck. Hawhawhawhaw.."

    Bogeton Wolftucks wasn't having any of that. Angrily he stated, " THOSE PETRID TECHNICALLITIES MATTER NOTHING TO ME !!!!" He looked over me and said, " I, Bogeton Wolftucks, from Wales, will eat any rider of any surf......unless they beat me in a game of poker."

    What could I do? There was no running away from him. So, we went back under the boards, he poured a glass of cheap brandy which he chugged back, and proceeded to deal a hand of poker. Dude, I hadn't played poker in quite some time and was extremely nervous. My luck hasn't been of the good kind lately either..... Bogeton Wolftucks checked his cards and smiled. I hesitantly picked my cards up and took a painstakingly long look at them. I couldn't believe my eyes - three Queens. Not too shabby, I thought. However,Bogeton Wolftucks had a peculiar smile on his furry face, and I admit my confidence began to wane.

    Bogeton threw down three Jacks !!! I jumped up, hitting my head on the boards and slammed my three Queens on the ramshackled table. " HA BOGETON WOLFTUCKS, there will be no eating of human flesh for you today, sir !!!"

    Oh yeah, you dudes surfing those places in AC, be wary of Bogeton Wolftucks.....for he eats surfers.....unless your lady luck is shinning that day.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Hey dudes, what's on? Listen I used to take care of all the people I knew. I was the driver for every group of friends I've had since I was 17. I bought the beer.....I paid for trips......the whole nine freakin yards. Now, life isn't so nice to me, but that's ok because adversity builds character. However, I want to go to Iceland and I need one of y'all out there to take me.

    Dudes, Icelands has pointbreaks and mean angry waves.....C'mon dudes, pack the rubber and a whole Hobbit-like surf world is ours for the taking. It's got to be empty and you know........ no race, creed or class of people can tame Jersey Boys so hell with any locals. We couldn't understand what they are jabbering aboot anyway.

    Dudes, they have elves there. I swear..... Imagine a crisp, cold session at some desolate point break.....with no condo/McMansion backdrops, rather a volcanic-like topography isolated from any WAWA's. After surfing we head out into the Icelandic countryside......cold wind sweeping through our bald spots cleansing out the senses and preparing us for an elfen encounter. Past the tree lines we'll spot the rocky outcroppings home to the Icelandic elves. Since we are spiritual surfer beings they will make their existence known and invite us in to their houses hidden amongst the rocky outcroppings and we will dine on pancakes and coffee with them. They probably will partake in smoking enchantment, and you know those dudes have it, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Erock my mom requests your phone number. She would like to talk to you.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    I have a "pizza plant" they're called Italian guys.......they can create pizza ingredients from scratch.....and they're all over New Jersey. So that's no problem. And again y'all, I'm not joking about my island nation either.....I'm dead friggin serious. Stop putting effort into making others wealthy while you suffer. Join me and make Marijuanaland a reality.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Bogeton Wolftucks doesn't allow photographs and I'm sure as heck ain't taking the risk trying to get one.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    ANother thing about pro surfing and the media.......The mags hide and keep secret everyone's dirty laundry. If you are a movie star or mainstream pro athlete any thing you get caught doing is fair game. But all the surf companies hold the surf media hostage when it comes to their darling boys.

    Kelly Slater is the best surfer right. But the surf media potrays him as this renaissance man who can do ANYTHING. Kelly Slater is not an intellectual. He's not Beethoven. He's not Einstein. He's not Tiger Woods. He surfs better than anyone but that is it. He is so like Michael Jordon. They hide all their dark secrets and try and potray these guys as Supermen in all that is life. They go well beyond each person's respected talents and try to make these Jesus-like idols out of them. For instance, both of them shaved their heads when they started losing their hair. Why? Because it represents a FLAW.......and these guys are above having flaws........Perfection, man. They are the living embodiments of perfection....or so their sponsors try and reflect.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    If the guys running the tour are trying to make their athletes appear more mainstream. That's not going to work. No one from Arkansas cares about surfing.

    I find it amazing the amount and types of drugs some of these guys use, and yet, they are still in top shape and handle the biggest surf out there. That just blows my mind. Blows my mind.....

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Keeping the art of surfboard shaping alive rests with YOU. Buy from a shaper who shapes by hand and has a loving relationship with your board. Do your part to bring back U.S. manufacturing.......Stop Buying Crap Produced In Bad Countries. I know it's hard to find wetsuits that aren't produced in bad countries but we'll work on that next. For now, support your local shaper.....buy local........ahhhhh local shapers, ummm could you give me $ 5 per board that you sell......Thanks dudes
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Right on, Zippy........really if there is only ONE place breaking.....is it worth sitting in a pack? And you could find another crappy peak somewhere else, I'm sure of it. The ocean is weird.......that place that doesn't look to good might get better when you paddle out. Plus karma will reward you for not joining a pack........maybe........
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Dudes, please pray that my sandbars come back. They are a little spotty right now. I need those sandbars. The inside one...not the half-assed outside one. I need all the energy to come undisturbed by some half-assed outside bar....right into the inside and ...BOOM.......barrel and dump.....the good kind of dump.......with ramps galore. Thank you.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Shoot, I reckon most people on here have never even heard of Miki Dora. Anyway, even though I don't condone the methods he used to fund his lifestyle and the way he treated some people along the way, Miki Dora was the greatest American to have ever lived. He saw it all, and let us know about it 60 years ago. Ironically he helped create the madness that he so despised.

    Complex people may appreciate that contradiction.

    He saw what the commercialization and professionalism would do to this lifestyle. With the growth of the suburbs, the post World War II financial boom, the rise of credit, etc, Dora saw the effects that over population would have in a world of finite resources. The world's population has more than tripled in the last century. Most of it occuring in the last 60 years. Do people go on far out surf trips for the actual waves or to escape the crowds?

    Surfing has declined from a life on the fringes - of adventure, connection to nature, purism - to a commercialized, "buy my boardshorts" mentality with d-bags like me arguing with morons like Ihatelongboarders on a friggin computer. Surfing used to be a life's dedication. Now corporate lawyers pull up to Philadelphia Ave in Sea Girt, hop on their cell phones to tell their other elite friends that the surf is cranking......scheduling a nooner. A once noble pursuit, secretley admired by the stuffy, now has become a hobby for yuppie types who treat it like tennis.

    Hopefully the non-comitted will move on to other fads, after they see some movie glorifying something else. HA, there goes half of this website's participants.The "Spicoli" stereotype still exists but it really isn't represenatative of today's surfing populace. Oh sure, there are still a lot of less intelligent types in surfing. That hasn't changed - just scan these boards. Many of the people on here never post a message over two sentences, and it's usually just four or five words. It's easy to be "liked" when you are basically a non-factor...a forgetable, nameless, nothing, lost in the masses.

    The people who stand out are the Miki Doras of the world. Those with the foresight, intelligence and soul to look at the world and say, "Hold on.....this is not right." People with the courage to stand out from the average joe and speak the truth no matter how unpopular it may be. Everything Dora predicted has come true. Look around you....at the state of the world....at the state of surfing. It's actually worse than he imagined. I don't think Dora saw the rise of technical gadgets dumbing down our society even further. Oil helped create this modern lifestyle, and when it dries up, it will be the catalyst for the destuction of the life we know. Just like Miki Dora - he helped create something he hated. Don't you love the irony?
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Send a message to Gruvi. Strike up a friendship with him. Write each other letters. I am not Gruvi. I'm not trying to be Gruvi. I've read two posts from him and don't get it. Saying Mcanalbleed surfboard is what you find fuuny? Anyways, I keep getting the "SJB was funny at first but now he sucks" thing. I have only tried to be funny two or three times. I have been called the funniest person in the world by at least 15 people. I just have issues these days.

    Anyway why do I get compared or have to live up to someone else when I post. Hey, WBsurfer, do you have people following you around judging every post you make.... Comparing you to others. And how was this post crazy?? Oh hey do you really know Jenelle....that's twicthen dude !!! You'll have to tell em all about her. Even though I'm not as cool as Gruvi, you are my new hero. That Jenelle is such a saucy B!@ch !!!
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Ohh you know what shames me the most. The Karate Kid. A inner-city Newark or Jersey City kid(I forget) goes to Southern California and gets beat up by pretty boy Southern Californians.....on motorcycles.......pretty boys on motorcycles.I cry in shame everytime i see that flick.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    SJB and Swellinfo.com do not condone nor take responsibility for any of these actions.

    1. Go to a convience store, late at night works best, wearing a ski mask. Warm weather makes it mo better too. Pace back and forth out front for a few minutes then go in the store. Look at magazines and throw a glance at the clerk every thirty seconds. Act real nervous-like.

    2. Eat boxes of Shop Rite's Scrunchy's Bunch cereal.

    3. Post boring messages on surfing websites. Hassle and complain about people who try and bring some levity to the site.

    4. Photo Concentration Perception(PCP)

    5. Go to Al's Adult World located on Rt. 29 in Neptune, New Jersey and meet up with LOSTsoul. He reportedly hangs out there. He'll take you to a dinner and a movie too.

    6. Grab your pals and a camera. Shoot video of you guys smacking each other in the testicles. Post videos on Youtube and call it NOOB TV. Think of more creative ways to smack your buds in the groin so you can outshine Nub TV. Oh, fall off some things too.

    7. Drink cheap vodka.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    OMG if you can't handle average East Coast conditions after a few bong loads and a six pack then you should go to one of those surf school thingys.

    Look at those Santa Cruz guys of yesteryear. They went out at Mav's on LSD-25, a case of budweiser and were methsters. Hey, how come people can achieve things on drugs - like Flea, Led Zeppelin and Charlie Sheen, but I just sat around doing nothing.

    Anyways I haven't smoked cannabis sativa for two years. I quit all the bad stuff and figured I should get myself adjusted before returning to mother nature. Jeez, everyone I copped from is dead, deported or are annoying youngins who speak and act North Philly. I need new "friendships."

    You guys who think weed is bad and have never done drugs - let me tell you, as someone who has done everything, weed is a non-toxic, benign substance. You can't OD from it, it has no harmful side-effects, and it is NOT a gateway drug. If anything is a gateway drug it's alcohol. But if someone wants to use mind-altering substances, why would they just stop at one, with all the options. This gateway thing is a joke. Weed is safer than aspirin and less addictive than coffee. The worst thing that can happen from weed is that you live in your parents basement, eat junkfood, and play video games.

    By the way, alcohol is the worst drug out there. It takes a while to get physically addicted and to start wasting away your body, but once it does....BOOM. Who are the most annoying people - DRUNKS. What drug makes you lose your inhibitions and do anything - Booze. Fights, domestic violence, car crashes, saying things you regret, acting obnoxious, beligerent, arrogant....I could go on........
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Oh I wasn't saying that stuff to be a wise-arse(yes I can see how that may have looked that way) ......I'm just commenting on it in a mater-of fact way. I find the minds on this site to be fascinating in many different ways.

    Well 757, Hampton Roads in the house, I'm glad you didn't get injured by any falling planes. Hey 757, do you know any of Allen Iverson's peoples? I hope you don't buy things from them !!

    Oh I was being a wise-arse to Doug, though......... cause I owe him a few snaps.

    And 757, thanks for your warm welcome .........Now I'm just gonna wait for the meany guys to pick up on that and get all meany on me.

    Oh yeah one more observation.......in the music thread a few months back.......it was interesting how the group tried to one-up each other by claiming a more obscure band than the next guy. Like, the lesser-known the band, the cooler I am for listening to them. You find that a lot in the surf world. Look at surf mags CD reviews.....WHO THE TRUCK ARE THESE GROUPS !!! I taint never heard of them....and I'm almost positive they suck too. Led Zeppelin was the greatest band ever and I will sodomize anyone who thinks differently.
    ___________
    Last edited by zaGaffer; Aug 23, 2013 at 01:00 AM.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Hey thanks for all your support Mook. How do they say it on the streets? .....SOUTH JERSEY IN DA HOUSE. WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF.....Awww hells yeah. YO OT !!

    Oh, however, I died a month ago. I am a ghost now. Don't worry youngins, you still get the internet in the afterlife. But yeah, umm, I'm just getting used to this whole "dead" thing. You have to go through a ghost probationary period for three months, then you can haunt and posess people, which is kind of twitchen.

    Mook, I was banned for two months. I just got reinstated Tuesday evening. I feel like I just got out of the Atlantic County Justice Facility. Anyways, I'm going to hover along the waves so you be good. Watch out for North Jersey types, Mook. Call me if you need me. I can be anywhere in a flash...........
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Dudes, this is a mid-period groundswell, from a modest storm. There is no Category 4 sitting right off your coast. It's not that powerful. You'll be ok. I can't speak for everywhere - it's kind of sectioning - but there are plenty of corners out there. I guess our typical windswells just reel for hundreds of yards right ?? It has that groundswell push to it, but nothing crazy-hard. You'll be ok.

    And some of y'all are just completely bent on long range predictions. When are you guys going to realize that you can't predict the wether with complete accuracy when dealing with the long-term? The Weather Channel can't, your local news station can't, AND THE BEST METEREOLOGIST AT NOAA CAN'T.........Use predictions as a base, but don't plan your days 5 days in advance. Some of y'all are like addicted to this stuff. Ok, I can dig cause I'm addicted to the message board. Mr. SWELLINFO, how do you get us so hooked. I am NOT a computer dude. I've been on two other message boards in my life. That's it. I email an old girlfriend and out-of-state pals, I look at Heritage's wavecam to peep-and-tom on Ocean City, and I come on here. I don't even look at computer porn !!

    We are all hooked. How many of you fairies keep crying, "That's it.....I'm leaving this website...Boo Hoo......I don't like you guys." And they don't even stay away a complete 24 hours !!! Mr. SWELLINFO, are you putting crack in this site??? You got everybody hooked.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Hey Andrew and Erock,

    Hey dudes, you guys are blowing the minds of a good 70% of the people on here. Please dumb-down your writings in the future. Most of these dudes can't handle anything over five monosyllabic words. Thank you.

    See, I look out for everyone. I feel like Smokey the Bear ...........but a bear who is concerned with everyone's reading comprehension.......not a bear who hates forrest fires.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    God I love this thread .........I love seeing y'all go at one another......

    Ummm everything in the Outer Banks relies on tourist dollars...EVERYTHING.......HEY ZUES, 80% of the transplant "locals" work seasonal tourist jobs and drink at Mulligan's - watching The Price is Right - on a February morning, while collecting unemployment. Man, I can't stand when some dude moves there from Pittsburgh after highschool/college, because his/her family vacations there. Then in one month he/she is JOE SURF......and they think they are cool. And they are JOE SURF........And then the loneliness hits them, especially if they don't live in town, and they head on home.......after being JOE SURF for a year or two.......

    Man, don't eat no birds..........What if I ate your dog? Eat pizza not animals.........
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    We have schools for you to learn how to comprehend things, dude. I can tutor you. Point out the things you don't understand and for a nominal fee I will help you out.

    Sorry dude, I am not a Curious George book....I don't do children's versions.....

    Dude you shouldn't drink....it's bad...very bad.....
    _____________

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Listen y'all....well first of all there's almost a wave out there. If you were a hobgoblin it might be pretty fun. Some well-shaped 1 foot peaks out there. It's all clean and ****. A draining two footer here and there. I don't like when it teases you.....you're desparate and it looks almost flat and then boom a macking thigh high set comes rolling in....and makes you go, "hmmmmm" Then it's barely a foot and you're all, " Oh hell no.".........Then another macking set pushing over knee-high comes thundering in...

    OK, Miki Dora. Good Lord, I said he sustained his lifestyle by questionable means. However, did he lie, cheat or steal - was he more corrupt, more inheritantly evil than your average United States politician? Is commiting credit fraud worth traveling the world, surfing twitchen spots, and giving your finger to the mainstream world? Is two years in a cell worth a seven year world tour? Say what you will but it takes courage to buck the system. He also was intelligent and foresaw this world we live in today. He saw all the BS, long ago, not just in the surf world but every day life as well. It's not easy being a mad genius(just ask Erock) and saying things that are beyond the times. Plus, people being what they are, many were jealous of Da Cat's abilities, smarts, style and noteriety. So don't believe every negative story being passed around. Oral tradition can be a biased one.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Maybe Dora was the greatest American to ever lived. Gosh if we listened to him maybe people like Ihatelongboarders wouldn't be here today.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Ha, I no have kids. Do you think the government wants me reproducing. They sterilized me awhile ago.
    Quote Originally Posted by SouthjettyBill View Post
    Yeah, some people hear about this "Locals Only" thing and figure they'll give it a go.
    Bill in a nutshell. Bill is a nut? I dunno, SJB is gone. Banned for life.
    Last edited by zaGaffer; Aug 23, 2013 at 01:02 AM.

  6. #6
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    lol...he's the man, the myth and the legend....sjb for president....ohhh he's still around, he's a good guy, funny as hell!!!
    Last edited by fl.surfdog; Aug 23, 2013 at 01:21 AM.

  7. #7
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    Sjb 2016!!!!!!!!!



    *apparently i cant write in caps from home.
    Last edited by seldom seen; Aug 23, 2013 at 01:40 AM.

  8. #8
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    That was incredible, standing ovation people!

  9. #9
    He writes very similar to Paddington jetty bear..and NJSHRED.....hmmmm

  10. #10
    OK Gaff you've shot your wad. I hope you've got this out of your system. I'm sure glad I didn't waste much time reading what that clown wrote.

    ..............Bogeton Wolftucks????????????????? Holy $#*%. But I will say it reminded me of,

    *(Well then Fido got up off the floor, and he rolled over
    and he looked me straight in the eye
    And you know what he said?
    "Once upon a time, somebody say to me"
    This is the dog talkin' now
    "What is your, conceptual, continuity?"
    "Well I told 'em right then", Fido said
    "It should be easy to see
    "The crux of the biscuit
    is the apostrophe"
    Well you know, the man that was talking to the dog
    looked at the dog, and he said
    Sort of staring in disbelief
    "You can't say that"
    he said
    "It doesn't, and you can't, I won't, and it don't
    it hasn't, it isn't, it even ain't, and it shouldn't
    it couldn't"
    He told him, "No, no, no"
    I told him, "Yes, yes, yes"
    I said, "I do it all the time
    Ain't this boogie a mess"?)*

    The poodle bites, the poodle chews it
    (Repeat + ad lib)

    FZ from Apostrophe