I'm EmassSpicoli, and I'm a stoke-aholic. It's been 7 days today since my last wave. I'm not proud of it. I don't even want the damn 7-day chip. I gave the 24 and 48-hour chips to some bum when he asked me for change.

It's been a solid 9 days since my last real stoke. Didn't even get high last Sunday off the 2 second no-turn rides last sesh. The forecasters said Mother Nature was gonna love up on us last week, but na. Didn't happen. Drove to the break day and night and I'd've needed a SUP to even float with not a bump in sight. I've been milking the schitt outta the Carver and even bought two more. It's my only chance at traces of stoke, but it's starting to taste like oregano and smell like glue and paint thinner, just not near as cheap.

I bet if sage brah was up here he'd have to pound Kasser's to escape this vapid reality. Gruvi would be ok up here since he's too busy studying Rosetta Stone English language and SUPer would be at ease on his barge, but the local brahs are dying. Poor boogah SS is stokeless too unless he's lassoed his sponge onto the outboard of a Sea Ray at Horseneck's. AO/OO is in catatonia one day and singing the third verse of All Out of Love by Air Supply on repeat the next. The only NE'er or Masshole charger that's currently getting his stoke supply is MVsurfer who's content as can be in Edgartown wrapped in 36/30/24mm neo as he pulls off his best seal impression. The Coasties are watching him closely though so he doesn't get eaten by a great white.

These tropical waves are confused, man. This new depression is just spinning in circles to the point of vertigo and oceanographic delirium. It's gonna knock itself out by mid-week and not even make it north of the Devil's Triangle. The KGB threw dust and GMOs on every other whirlwind coming off the Sahara. I wish that low pressure would just become a global phenomenon.

When every third person in SoCal didn't believe me that people actually surfed in Boston, maybe they were right. Maybe my overgrown grommery has been a dream turned nightmare. I'm jonesing to wake up with tasty waves and a cool buzz though. This hurricane beard's too long for comfort by now. People are looking at me like I'm in a halfway house.

That just about wraps her up. I'm EmassSpicoli, and I'm a stoke-aholic. Btw...pass the Kasser's would ya?