Last weekend, even though it was 23', or maybe just 8', and I was shotting piers all day on Sunday in defiance of the naked man in the white van screaming from within his white van about desecrating the sabbath.
And then, me & my crew poured lighter fluid all over my custom-made collector's edition 39' wooden $1.5 mln chucka-boo-boo gnome special & had us some broasted chicken.
Hey yank where did you play div 1 lacrosse again ? I have probably seen you before. Especally considering you played in New York. I frequent the round robin annual lacrosse tournament upstate there which is rife with division 1 athletes like you.
Beware the sonic ear claps come in vicious flurries yank.
It all began one summer in sunny southern California. I got a radical orange Morey Boogie at a department store, and my father and I headed to Zuma Beach. I waded out to waist deep water, jumped into white water, and rode it to the beach. 1980's chicks watched from the beach as I rode the whitewater better than any other person to set forth in humble Zuma Beach. Dudes with short shorts and bowl cuts looked on with jealousy......
I came home, after that first session, full of life and excitement. Dirty Deeds played from my stereo as I dried of from showering and admired my genitals. Such fine genitals they were. Ahh, my comfortable Californian ranch home(they withstand earthquakes better) in my comfortable suburban neighborhood, and now I had discovered what was to be my destiny and my world. Surfing's not a sport.... not some hobby....... Though Kasser's Vodka, PCP, ca-caine, and dope tried to derail me from my destiny, but they all failed. Notice I didn't mention THC. THC is good for you, and all real surfers should consume Delta-9 Tetrahydrocannibinol.
Then I started paddling into yet-to-have-broken-waves and dropped straight in and rode to the beach. The dudes turned greener and the girls moistened for Zuma Beach slams on the sandbars and has maimed and disfigured many a poor boy.
Then I really stepped up my game and moved my act to the Oxnard, CA area. Some cholos still speak of that Irish kid who used to ride straight at The Port Hueneme Pier on solid closeout days. At least I think they still do, as I do not speak Spanish. Except, of course, for montega, perrico, piedras blancas and mota.
They used to chant, "MANTEQUILLA...MANTEQUILLA..." as I approached the beach from the pier parking lot. Todd Young, Carter Slade, and Darren Cruz knew a legend was in the making, and I was invited to surf the Strand anytime I wanted to during the coming winter. However, daddy told me one day, "Son, we're moving back to Jersey....."
And I said, " But why, father, why?" And he petted my head and said, " Because mother hates southern California."
Spring break senior year high school. All my bud had was an extra was a short board. Had my bum handed to me. Did it in college in Lake Superior. Took off 12 years then got the bug again. Thank gosh I did.
I'll just tell the real story cause its so pitiful some may chuckle.
Almost exactly 30 years ago ( I was 8 years old... I'm now 38 for those that don't have a calculator) I was a "husky" little 8 year old and my cousins took me boogie boarding for the first time. One of my cousins had a surfboard and since I like to skate I really wanted to try to surf. He let me use his board a few times and I was hooked! I think I was able to stand up and do the whole white water hop and shuffle till you either fall off or run a ground.
So for that Xmas I asked for $$$ cause I knew my parents wouldn't buy me a $400 surfboard. Yep.... I was going to have to go used. No Craigslist back then so I picked up the ol' Pennysaver. Saw a pawnshop advertising they had surfboards. Ended up buying a 6'4" Randy Richenburg with glassed wooden fins. Oh yeah, it had also been broken in half and repaired. Wasn't repaired real well cause it broke again, and again, and again but I just kept fixing it.
So my dad loved to fish and I loved to surf so he would take us surfing every weekend. Why not? He could fish and drink beer and not have to worry about us bothering him.
A few weeks into it we were surfing at the pier while dad was fishing. This is the time he gave me the best advice in my entire life..... He said, " I've been watchin you kids surf and noticed you go straight into the beach. Try goin sideways, I think it will make you go faster."
So with those words of wisdom my surfing abilities instantly skyrocketed! I was now going down the line, full speed ahead. A couple months later I started figuring out the whole turning thing.