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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    MD - VA
    Posts
    4,049

    AI 'Discovered' by Rampant Douche Canoeists

    The higher gasoline prices and the astronomical gouging airfares seem to have provided momentum for every ASSWIPING douche canoe who wants to litter the beach & blast his hindu music at AI this year.

    What the hell happened...?! AI has been invaded by hordes of complete douche canoes.

    AI used to be surf fishermen, surfers & eccentric people driving their rigs onto the beach, and hanging out ISO quiet, a bit of solitude & the sound of the ocean, the wind & the occasional 'you fukker' followed by the slap of hand on bleeding leg (horseflies).

    Now...?! These a-holes roll in there & find a place on the beach & crank up Muslim rap. I shiiiite you not on that one.
    Another one: several bruthuhs stumbling around behind their Ford parked on the beach with the speakers blasting Skynyrd's 'That Smell'.......and they're bellowing along! What's next, 'Sweet Home Alabama' featuring the homebuoyz chorus...?!

    Talk about failure of situational awareness.

    The largest category, though, in terms of sheer numbers combined with d-canoe behavior are Maryland-Pennsyltucky white trash who have a truck payment.

    Witness the total douche canal named 'Sam.' I'm out in the ocean catching a few, and I glance back inland only to see some a-wipe pull in next to my truck on the beach. Like, 4' off my boards. Said a-wipe proceeds to pitch massive red umbrellas, chairs & coolers directly in back of my rig. Thus completely blocking me off from the ocean.

    I'd never seen this in years going to AI.

    Not pleased. Surfed a few more, all the while watching this a-wipe set up on the beach. GF also in the ocean surfing, asking what are you going to do, please just let it go.

    Oh, ok, sure.

    Get out, walk up to my rig. D-bag Sam sitting there with his shades on: sitting behind my rig, all spread out.

    One of my developed skills in life is that I can make anyone snap. I could make hayzeus effing keerist utter the lordy's bronze age name in vain. Just sayin.' Oh, and even better is I can back it up if a dummy ever takes a swing at me.

    Without wasting your time on the details, I crouched down & I spoke to Sam, up close & personal. Repeatedly. He finally snapped, shrieking obscenities while pulling out his umbrellas & his chairs from the sand in back of my rig.

    Mission accomplished. But I gotta say: AI has gone to hell in a handbasket this summer.
    Last edited by yankee; Jul 14, 2014 at 07:52 AM.

  2. #2
    Good job Yankee! Can we rent your services? Sure could use them for the monster truck that pulls up next to me with his flabby wife, chain smoking and blasting music with the loud engine going so he can keep his a/c going for his wife who doesn't wanna sweat while she jams another fistful of potato chips in her mouth, all while I was trying to discreetly change from wet clothes into my super cute Roxy sundress, looking better at 63 than his tatted up 28 year old "woman",,,

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Atlantic City
    Posts
    2,601
    Quote Originally Posted by Betty View Post
    Good job Yankee! Can we rent your services? Sure could use them for the monster truck that pulls up next to me with his flabby wife, chain smoking and blasting music with the loud engine going so he can keep his a/c going for his wife who doesn't wanna sweat while she jams another fistful of potato chips in her mouth, all while I was trying to discreetly change from wet clothes into my super cute Roxy sundress, looking better at 63 than his tatted up 28 year old "woman",,,
    yankee - i'll say it again. march/april; october/november. nuff said….

    betty - nice post. i have no doubt you shamed his woman AND her potato chips.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Long branch
    Posts
    678
    Oooo that smell, can't you smell that smell. Gotta be one of the worst song eva.

    I feel for you. AI is not the only place plagued with that smell. It's a sad state of affairs what has come to be. It's getting harder and harder to find solitude.

    In my neck o the woods I witnessed a tourist yoga class goin on last Saturday at 3 pm right next to a tiki bar blasting that smelly music in front of 1000's of people on the boardwalk at the business beach in town Society at large is just oblivious. Going to bed with the television on in the bedroom is considered quiet and peaceful to most Westerners these days. Truly very very sad.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Long Island
    Posts
    378
    Quote Originally Posted by Betty View Post
    looking better at 63 than his tatted up 28 year old "woman",,,
    That was awesome.

    While on the topic of D bags in the summer.... so I pull up to the beach before sunrise like usual. It's dark out. There was a few broken be bottles in the spot next to me. Like a while six pack. Since it was dark I didn't see it till after I stepped on it. So pissed off, I kinda sweep all the glass into a pile so it's more easily seen and avoidable instead of having scattered glass all over where surfers walk around bare foot.....this is where it starts getting good. I had nothing in the truck to scoop all this glass up with and when I got out there was a car parked in that spot so I went on about my day. Next morning, glass is still in the pile I made so I start cleaning it up. I had brought a little sweeper/pan thing knowing no one would clean it up. So I'm sweeping up the glass after my session once the sun was up and I could see all the glass. People who work at the beach walk by as there picking up trash and start giving me crap about how I'm not supposed to be drinking and people could get hurt blah blah blah. I lost it. These people obviously weren't doing a good job since the glass wasn't cleaned up a day later, and I'm the one who is cleaning up after others so that children, surfers, or anyone bare foot at a beach dosn't slice there for open. I really can't wait for fall/winter. Memorial day weekend came and the amount of trash that followed is really quite disgusting. It really saddens me. Especially when I decide to clean up after others, and the people who's job I'm doing for them complains to me

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Ocean City, MD
    Posts
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    954
    Why stop there? Why not ban the gas sucking, smog spewing off-road vehicles altogether? But oh, I remember now, Americans just have to be free. Ya know how when you go somewhere. . . there ya go.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Turtle Island
    Posts
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    6
    And it's the offspring of these insolent swine that we so often pull out of rips. I'm sorry abot your experience yankee, just think, soon you'll see miles of empty beach. Sam you best check yo' self homie, or we're coming for ya in October.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Cape Cod
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    369
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    These Sam characters are rather invasive and troublesome ..

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...x_vUd1nYo#t=37

    And yeah .. Labor day is just around the corner ..
    Last edited by capecodcdog; Jul 14, 2014 at 02:54 PM.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Turtle Island
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    Quote Originally Posted by capecodcdog View Post
    These Sam characters are rather invasive and troublesome ..

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...x_vUd1nYo#t=37

    And yeah .. Labor days is just around the corner ..
    Well played good sir

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Cape Cod
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    Quote Originally Posted by seldom seen View Post
    Well played good sir
    Thanks. My only solution for summer is hit the break at first light, swell & tides permitting. That's when Samuels are are still dozing and droolin'.