Ride report by Steve83

Top Reasons Why This Thing Will Never See The Light of Day:

1. US Navy used it for range practice on Sunday morning.
2. Large bonfire on Folly Beach Road spotted from space station.
3. North Korea demanding blueprints in exchange for cessation of nuke activity.
4. Bearded troll in orange rubber bodysuit seen attempting to steal item while laughing maniacally.
5. The Merrimack historical chapter registered a 'plagiarism complaint' with South Carolina's Attorney General.
6. Every time The Thing is loaded onto a vehicle, the FAA demands a flight registration number.
7. The Spruce Goose is jealous.
8. The US Air Force intend to drop it into the eye of the first hurricane of 2013 as a storm dissipation measure.

 

Just spoofin' The Chi-Town Kid a bit, Z.

I'll be pleased to supply the bottle of champers for the maiden voyage of that thing. So, let 'er rip Steve-o.

 

I know consistency is an issue down there, limited swell window, etc. But has it been THAT flat?

I'm truly curious to hear about how that thing rides. I know everyone is busy, but after sinking the time and love into a board like that I would definitely make it a priority.

 

It's been over 2 weeks since I've been out. It's been that flat or victory at sea conditions. I was ready to burn the HWS I made because i tried to ride a ripple with it. I pulled it out in some waist high waves last month and had a blast on it. I can understand waiting for a decent wave.

 

It wasn't flat yesterday morning. Thigh high and clean should be more than enough to push the mega-yacht. However, yesterday was my first day out in two weeks.

 

I was covering mother's day for my son. The 19 month old punk couldn't get off his diapered a$$ long enough to get her a present.

 

You have to tell that kid to get his sh1t together. Daddy needs to surf!

 

so I was looking at Roy's site. Its pretty sweet and raises a couple questions for Roy.

1)What do the other folks at your breaks think of you coming through like a missile? pretty much looks like you can catch anything and catch alot of folks inside by surprise. Is that why you wear the bright jumpsuit?

2) is there anything in the conventional board world that might surf anything like your boards for those without the money or the woodworking shop?

3) seems like you want some long waves to make it all worthwhile. not the best value of classic NJ beachies

thanks and keep flying

 

Hi Wombat,

I wear orange partly for safety reasons, and I have an excellent safety record because I'm careful and because the boards have excellent control capabilities which are consistent throughout the whole speed range.

Wherever one surfs and whatever one surfs there will always be paddlers spread out through the break, especially when it is crowded. One has to navigate.

Regarding similar boards it kind of depends what one means by similar, the Meyerhoffer 'slip in' is one which catches my eye, for longboards the closest would be a longboard gun type but they tend to be rather narrow and thick.

Wave length wise the boards tend to make long rides possible where others are only getting short rides, but they work well in short waves like shorebreaks and so on as well, some models more so than others.

If you want something similar the best bet would be to order a custom foam board, the basic parameters are pretty simple... get the rocker and planshape right and a variety of rails, profiles, bottom contours and fins can be used.

 

You may want to Google the test ride that Randy Rarick took on the piece of junk. That will tell you how Stuart's kindling piles perform in the ocean.

 

Rarick kooked it, probably on purpose... many others did not and had high praise for the board... which incidentally is not the same model as the one which Seeka is so delighted with in the ride report which wombat quoted.

Be careful Yankee that your jealous hate does not affect your health more than it undoubtedly has already.

.

 

Well, it's true: I'm eyeballing that pile of kindling for my fireplace, knowing that it shan't be mine & it's just making me wild with envy.

But seriously, Sparky, that's amusing to see you pin a conspiracy theory on Randy Rarick just 'cause he gave your board an honest (and negative) review.

Were you one of those kids whose parents never told you that you needed to do better work? And, thus, when you receive criticism as you did from Rarick, you blame the source of the critique for conspiring against you.

 

There are two possibilities:

1) He attempted to ride the board well and kooked it, then blamed the board.

2) He kooked it deliberately, and then blamed the board.

the common denominator is that he kooked it, end of.

Several people who have had dealings with him warned me that he is an untrustworthy snake, which is compatible with either of the two scenarios above.

.

.

 

Ahhhhh ... not so much Sparky.

First of all, you had RR 'test drive' your creation; so, you had to have been confident in RR's surfing abilities & his experience & his acumen. You would never let just anyone test, then critique, your kindling. You were hoping for a rave review; what you got was pragmatic reality from RR, aka, the board isn't very good. When the rave review wasn't forthcoming you elected to (metaphorically) to shoot the messenger. And then claim he isn't qualified. Huh...?

Secondly, the only "common denominator" is one that you create from your own fictional world.
I.e., in the real world there is no "common denominator," only lousy test scores for your product.

Lastly, not only do you rip RR for being a "kook" you now go on to assassinate his character through third-party assertions & smears & conspiracy theories.

If your product was all that, it would be in demand. Fact is, it's not in demand. It gets lousy reviews from highly qualified/experienced people (at your request!) who have no vested interest in whether the product sells or not. The lack of demand for your product has nothing to do with the exorbitant price tag you put on it & everything to do with its inherent lameness.

 

I think at this point we can collectively agree that Roy's boards are not anything special. Just being forced to stand in one spot on the board while taking care to not move in anyway that would upset the board is, in my opinion, a drawback or major performance flaw to the design.
Also, Roy watch this video, the last 2 waves are really what surfing is all about. I don't see your boards outperforming the way this guy is surfing. Speed wise or control wise.

http://www.swellinfo.com/video/themadhueys-team-goin-mad

 

[video=youtube;dhYk75r33Vg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhYk75r33Vg[/video]Roy Stewart (alt spellings - Stuuu-ert, Stuart, Sztuzart), Steve83, and ZaGaffer are all the same person. Its right there in plain sight.

 

ZaGaffer isn't Roy. He speaks too logically to be Roy. He also has criticized some aspects of these boards, which the kiwi would never do. He only claims perfection.

 

Seriously?? Based on one ride report, of one board, found on Google you would draw your conclusions.
You are either an idiot, or just have it in for this guy. Either way....pointless.

 

it seems that Roy has built a style of board that does precisely what he wants it do. He also has a fairly unique way of communicating his perspectives. Both his (intentional lack of) surfing and communication style clearly do not resonate with some people. Its hard to see why some folks are getting so worked up, but the status quo rarely likes to be challenged and surfing definitely has a xenophobic "local" personality trait. For all the talk about the aloha spirit and other spiritual gobbledy-gook, there remains alot of petty "get off my wave" attitude. This includes Roy ragging Rarick for not liking his board. Whether he surfed it "right" or not, he didnt like it. I am pretty sure that Roy would rag one of Randy's boards, albeit with certain philosophical caveats.

Not sure that Roy's boards are for everyone (even at a lower price point), nor are any wood board, or meyerhoffer, or anything not being shown in sponsored shoots with perfect light and girls in thongs. Of all the things to get fired up about surfing, this seems really effing small.

I will probably never ride a Roy Royally expensive board but i am glad that there is somebody out there thinking his own thoughts and building a new style of board that makes him and some others happy. maybe some of his concepts will carry over or maybe they wont. isnt it supposed to be fun?

as for the cost, good on him for getting someone to pay those ridiculous sums for his boards. in commerce, something is worth what someone will pay for it. that is the market. his market is much more of a pure free market than almost anything else in this country. the really rich spend money on far more damaging things then a big-as wooden surf board.

PS: i want a ride report from the Shredmachine on SteveO's new Roy clone!

 

Why would he have it in for a guy that trolls global surf forums, arguing with everyone and anyone, and self promoting to the point where he should be banned (or is banned)? Just crazy of yankee for feeling this way.

I am not saying I disagree with your overview of this specific instance, but there is a history here.