Swell Info Confessions

His English teacher was a real nice man

 

Lets go back to 1994, took a day trip to wildwood boardwalk with a whole crew of my boys, 8 of us piled into a 1977 ford Granada that over heated had bald tires no seat belts, bench seat in the front. After a day full on shenanigans, we pulled a prank that would probably be viral in today's world.

There was a coke machine outside a store on the boardwalk. I took a butane lighter and scorched the metal change return for several minutes, the thing was literally glowing red hot. Another friend of mine went into the store and told the clerk that the vending machine would not give his change back to him. I walked down the boardwalk and sat with my friends and waited for the ensuing carnage. The clerk walks over to the vending machine and immediately pushes down on the change return with authority. After a split second delay the clerk jumps back and starts violently shaking his hand, jumping up and down and is swearing like a drunk sailor. We ERUPTED into laughter. Meanwhile, my boy who went to the clerk starts telling him the machine is dangerous, the clerk unplugs the machine and placed an out of order sign on it, and called his boss to tell him the machine was dangerously malfunctioning.

Now I can say it was a dumb thing to do and I finally can come to peace over this matter with a fictitious forum confession. Ahh I feel better now.

 

My Atlantic City Confession...

In 2009 I was at Stockton College. My entire family is a bunch of degenerate gamblers. They were getting offers for Free Slot Play from EVERY casino. I would use their money and player cards to download the free play to the machines and play for free!

Any who. Nov 2009. The dumbest marketing director was giving Free Play Offers EVERY SINGLE DAY (Hilton AC) On Nov 2, I realized I could cash out the "Free Play" on Video Roulette.

Mom & dad offer was $75/ Day Each
Brother's $250/Day

Long Story short, in 2009 you were aloud to download FREE PLAY credits to the video roulette machine.

70 on red, 70 on black and 4 on Zero.
All bets are covered, only need to do two spins to "Play" the entire free play amount.

Cleared 35K in Nov and Dec 2009 Tax Free. I ended up working at the Hilton, in the marketing department 6 months later. I told them all about it. They got a good laugh, then we closed

That's how/why I moved to CA

 

i masturbate too much

 

This wasn't me but I was there. Thanksgiving night with college friends and wives. A friend of a friend showed up drunk which is not usually a prob, hitting on everyone's girlfriend or wife, way out of line. Since it was the worst towards the hosts wife( smoking hot gal). So eventually the guy pukes all over the place, and passes out beer in hand, head tilted back with mouth wide open. The host, my bro is fed up at this point. So he reaches down into his crack of his butt and come out with some( one can imagine the rest.) Guy wakes up chases it down with the beer he had in hand. then his buddy took him home after he finished his beer. That's a thanksgiving I'll never forget.

 

Man he's lucky he didn't get a lot worse...I woulda shaved his eyebrows than posted a pic here so Wayne would come get him.

 

Ya half of us was ready for beat down, yet cooler minds prevailed. I wonder if he ever found out what went down.
Karma's a bit tricky there I would say. Since that day I made sure I never passed out except in my own place!

 

sometimes when i fart in bed i like to pull the covers over my head and just live in it for a little bit.

 

Back in high school I was often late for first period because my pet donkey would have seizures and I had to stay with her to put a wooden spoon on her tongue so she didn't choke on it. So I'm late for class one day after dealing with a particularly bad episode, and as soon as I walk in my teacher lays in on me all like, "What's the matter buddy? Why are you late? Is your piece of s**t donkey having seizures again?". At this the whole class erupted into laughter, and I fled the room out of sheer embarrassment and frustration- it wasn't my fault that my donkey was the way she was.

I decided to clear my mind with a good surf, so I paddled across the inlet to Ma$e where it was absolutely heaving- I mean like spitting conchs. The session that ensued left me exhausted so I caught a ride back to the mainland with an old fisherman and his granddaughter. I guess I had been so keen on my sesh that I had forgotten to pee, and by this point there was no stopping it. I peed right there in my baggies in this kind gentlemen's boat while he amiably rambled on about finger mullet being a far more superior bait than shrimp. Unforgivable.

 

Spitting Conchs...now there's a good band name.

 

Grew up fairly poor and had just gotten my new glasses, lots of money to my parents. Went to the beach one morning, jumped on the seawall to see super fun surf no one out. My buddy and I grab our boards, run down the beach, jump in and paddle to the line up. He looks at me and says " hey sh*t head you still have your glasses on". I say oh crap, well I'll catch one in and put them in the truck. "Shouldn't you just paddle in to be safe? He asks. Nah I'll be fine and nail a set wave. Perfect ride of cutbacks, lip smacks etc, milked it right up to the sand and decide to smack the lip on the shore break. Well I did, lost it and got tumbled hard. Came up sans glasses. I started frantically diving and reaching around to try and find them with no luck. After a frantic minute or so and out of breath I realize not all is lost and paddle out to what might have been my last surf session in a long while if my mom had anything to do with it.

 

Okay so. Had this teacher in the 9th grade, she loved her some Braap lemme tell you what. So anyways, I get detention from her for calling some kid in class a p*ssy *ss virgin, and when i show up the next day after class to do my time in her class for the detention, she starts telling me this fantasy she had about giving a random guy a blowjob. By now I have steam rolling out my ears and a hard on that's picking my desk up, she tells me after she finishes her story to go to the teachers lounge and wait for her. ( teachers lounge was just across the hallway. but the classroom door had a window and the teachers lounge didn't.)

So I get over there and sit down at a high table and assume the detention position, arms on the table, eyes wide open, no slouching, feet dangling on the chair step. She walks in about five minutes later, shuts and locks the door and sits on the couch opposite of me. After a few seconds, she tells me to come sit by her and tell me what i thought about her fantasy she had told me of...

Long story short, teacher wanted Braap's D. And she got it. Just the once though, and i think she used too much teeth.

 

How much is too much? I am likely in this club.

 

Damn. My story got no love

 

Braap much props for pulling that off...you lived what I'd imagine every teenage kid fantasizes aboot, Godspeed.

 

Then your alarm clock went off

 

.... And the cops are knocking at your door to investigate LMAO

 

Unbelievable.....I am not sure I believe you.

 

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