News Flash: EAST COAST EXPERIENCES RECORD FLAT SPELLS AND HEAT WAVES, SURFERS TURN TO ALCOHOL AND SWATS TO COPE A weakening El Nino coupled with an extreme northern drift of the jet stream have forced dealers everywhere to step up their game to provide ganja to distressed surfers. A recent foray to the beach found disgruntled surfers everywhere talking about the flat spell and how many Nazi Zombies they were going to kill while hi to get through this rough time. "I was going to cut the lawn, and then maybe wash the car, but I just got a sack, and it smells like diesel, so I’m on it", quoted one local who wanted to remain nameless. Another young anonymous waverider stated he had bought the new Call of Duty, and couldn't wait to start killing, he just needed to find a 20bag first. "I'm going to crank the A.C., head to Zero's house, pick it up, fire it up, and get busy assaulting Germany, and if this flat spell lasts any longer, I guess I’ll pick up the new Madden too.”. Lifeguards at surfing beaches were equally frustrated. One tall skeletor looking motherfocker was quite disappointed, because he is so used to surfing on the clock, he was worried he'd actually have to sit in the stand for a majority of his shift. His stand mate agreed that this unbearable heat and small waves really brings the kooks to the water. Many surfers could be seen driving up to check the conditions, and becoming incredibly despondent at seeing the ripple-less sea surface. Some quite clearly had red, glassy eyes, and this reporter is guessing the flat spell, and thoughts of SUP’ing had them crying like babies. One thing is certain, the electric companies, liquor stores, and dubious others stand to make handsome profits during these trying times.
....this just in, It is reported that one agro EC surfer was so over it, he decided to return to HI for another decade of surf and lolo. It is confirmed he will make the transition by way of a one month free stay at HALE MIS.
move to Austin, I here there's a new wave pool. 100's of Rick Kanes listening to good music, warm weather and craft beers, a hipsters wet dream
I feel like there's been a a lot of waist high-swell but none of those memorable 'wow' days. Nothing wrong with that ... just harder to be motivated for. But with the small waves and rain comes a lesser crowd. At the right spots and times, there's definitely been waves. Down here at least. I guess a lot of the little lows that park down here don't make it up to you... But I think after next week it is gonna go flat, like actually literally flat. I am laid up with an ankle injury ... and I don't even have Xbox! F*CK!
