ask me one specific thing

It's not the chemicals it's your cage.

 

Yeah.

 

Derailed. BWHAHAHA

 

Riley, knows that, you moron.

 

I have had numerous good advisors steer me in the right direction. The difference between myself and many others, I listened to them. Not always, but many were helpful, and I have helped many others in my life as "payback" for great advice given me. "Giving back" so to speak.

 

I didn't know that. Learn something new every day

 

Does that actually make a difference?

 

yyyyyyuuuge

 

So, what are you saying? That your were a junkie or a drunk at one time. You're using AA language there. "Give back....." and all...

 

Barry what board you ride today?

 

And I don't know if that was a shot-in-the-dark or not...

But it was sort-of spot on.

In 2010 I cleaned myself up. And then, yeah, it was all aboot the chemicals.

This time is different.

I've never been bored or dissatisfied before when I've been holding. Now I can be holding at least one version of all the major substance groups....

And I'm still freaken bored, dissatisfied and not digging the scene.

Hell, I don't even like the hoods anymore.

Though, I do quite enjoy myself when I make trips to South Norwalk.

I don't know.

Ya see, most of y'all find solace or some kind of contentness from your mates and kids and shat. Or should I say some purpose of being.

Ahhh, I'm trucked. I realized a long time ago that the "thrill" of a new relationship is short-lived. And then .....

And then the shat you thought was cute and attractive tends to annoy the heck out of you.

I don't know. Maybe it's due to to me moving all the time.

Maybe I'm fickle.

Maybe I'm insane....

And this isn't complaining or whining. It's just what it is.

 

Until you find "the one", then no matter how hard you try, you can't / won't get away and you'll find a level of happiness you aren't familiar with, at least I hope, for your sake.

 

Noticed that as well. Reading this thread sort of feels like the quazy-whatdephucks I used to get as the cid start to kick in.

 

Dpsup +1

 

Nah, see I'm different. I don't look to other people for happiness.

I'm on a quest for enlightenment. And I ain't going to find it from some chick. It's so much more than just some freaken relationship.

Look what it did to Al Bundy.......

 

I feel ya, to it's their own, I don't think it's about looking to someone for happiness, I mean, you have to be happy with yourself, and that comes from within, nobody else can provide that for you, but when you meet that certain someone, you won't know what hit you, won't even realize it. Unless of course you're hell bent on being alone, then that's cool too, whatever works for ya. I've just never met too many people that are loners that are happy, so i'm just going based on what I've seen in life.

 

or maybe, just maybe one day in middle life you slowly start to realize that the person you have chosen as "the one" is slowly poisoning you. little by little every day. a snide remark here, or disgust at a small thing. a question about laundry or dinner turns into ww3 with every last little thing over the course of the relationship being thrown at you like the hateful b!tch is resurrecting dead bodies to kill you. constantly dragging you down with negativity until you develop a healthy drinking problem to help numb you from the truth. but that acerbic person persists, awake, asleep next to you, calling needing money for this or that..... always there and growing like cancer.

but hey, maybe not.

 

Nope, not at all

 

I like that^^

Riley (or at least thats what you name was when I got back into the forum), I feel for you brother. I think you're a great writer and story teller. Your stream of consciousness style is really easy to read.

I'm lucky to not have the addiction gene. Many friends of mine were not so lucky.

I hope that you find some inner peace because you def have a gift.

 

Sh*t man, that's dark. I mean no relationship is perfect, mine certainly isn't. I like the quote "the sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter".