Life Advise Thread...A Questionne of Ethics

My motto has always been, "lie to your boss, not your family."

 

No no no, don't get me wrong SS. I wasn't suggesting you were asking her for permission. I was saying that to the others who think that's what they have to do. Just be straight with her like you are with us and she'll understand. You said it yourself, "I been working my cock off, I need some uninterrupted time", if that's true, which i'm sure it is, then she'll understand. The other option is to not tell her beforehand, just go, and then tell her right after. No permission asking, and no asking for forgiveness. Don't apologize for taking a little time for yourself if you're handing your biz at home. My only thing is to not hide anything and don't lie, it's not worth it, not on something so small. LBCrew's motto is a good one...

 

Every man's gotta make these decisions for himself, but for me personally... and I'm in no way judging anyone's "right and wrong" here... in my world, and my relationship with my family members, personally, I'm always up front and honest, and don't ask for more than I truly need. In that respect, my family... at least for the most part... understands and obliges when I need some ME time.

 

It all depends on the woman and your relationship. I have seen families where they live at the beach, the kids go from an early age and Dad gets to surf all the time. I have also seen friends who use to surf every weekend at least but once kids arrived it changed to one or twice a year. I have seen where parents take turns and give each other alone time. I have seen lots of scenarios. Just because you have a kid, doesn't mean your life has to stop. I mean, that kid aint going to do sh*t but make mumbling sounds, scream, cry, thrown tantrums, eat, drink, sleep, and sh*t in a diaper in the time your gone, you aint missing much lol

 

No she won't.

Remember when you played hooky from school? Remember how much fun it is?

Did you tell your folks?

 

DP. I love you dude.
but you're out of your element.

 

If she won't then that's a problem IMO and it should be addressed. I don't look at my wife like a parent or a boss, I look at her as a partner, and partners are honest with each other. We are both grown adults and both work for a living and are about as 50/50 on things as you can get. I try to be fair and so does she. I'm not saying everybody's relationship should be the same, i'm just talking about my perspective. What you guys do is your business. I find life a lot easier to manage this way. If a man can't go surf for a few hours without catching sh*t for it, then what good is life?

 

Yeah, save the lying for bigger shlt when you really need it. Like when you get a bar of wax mixed in with her laundry.

 

If you go that route when and if you have kids you will be that guy who used to surf but then had kids.

 

I love you guys too but I just don't see things the same way. I know I know, I don't have kids so how could I possibly know. Well, you may be right, but you also don't know me and my wife. You don't know what our life experiences have been. There's a lot you can learn from others. We also both have lots of experience with kids. We have had plenty of discussion on this topic and we already have an understanding, so i'm confident when the time comes that what I'm saying here today, will still hold true. You can disagree and say i'm out of my element, fair enough, you're right. But don't be jealous when i'm living by my words

 

HAHA Exactly!

 

Fair point, I'm not asking you to take my advice LittleRicky, i'm just responding to the thread like everybody else. But, by all means, take advise from people who have a hard time surfing because of kids.

 

I was thinking the opposite. I was thinking it would make it more likely for me to surf regularly without getting grief for it. As long as all responsibilities are met and i'm pulling my fair share, then surfing shouldn't even be in question. It's just part of the day as far as i'm concerned.

 

Oh she has hormones like everybody else does, I'm not saying it's all blue skies and we'll never have a disagreement, we have our moments like every couple.

 

Dude we're trying to tell you it don't fing matter what it was like before kids. and it's not just the mom you gotta sneak you gotta sneak the kids too. Think about how much i surf dude. you think i could if i didn't sneak out of the house before those kids wake up and want to play hungry hippos? you try saying no "I can't I'm leaving to go have fun by myself." you'll be the green hippo. bet. and that one don't work anymore. And no way im going home and getting my gear after work for a quick one. and my house is on the way! It's not like i get in trouble for surfing. My wife knows me and our relationship is great. It's not my wife that would stop me from surfing. It's me.

 

Oh dude, I heard this all before from folks that don't surf anymore. good people with good partners.
when you have kids and stop surfing can i have your boards?

 

She's definitely not a robot lol, but I made sure to be upfront and honest from the very beginning about a few things to make sure that I avoid trouble down the road. I had many failed relationships in the past and I learned from each of them.

One thing I learned is that you have advertise yourself accurately from the beginning and continue to be you. Meaning, don't act like something your not to win the girl, but then go and be a different guy once you've landed her. Instead, be exactly who you are, be unapologetic about it, and make it very clear that if who you are and what you are about isn't what they are looking for in a man, then you aren't the right man for them.

I figured, eventually I would run into someone who would agree with my way of thinking and would let me be me... and I let them be them. Obviously it took several women to find the right match, but that was part of the fun.

Two things I required an "upfront contract" on before entering into a serious relationship with anybody:

#1. I smoke herb every day, if you don't like that or can't handle that, then let's not waste each other's time. And if you think you can pretend to be cool with it and try to change me or get me to stop one day, then again, don't waste our time, because that's not going to happen, unless I choose to on my own of course.

#2. I surf, it's what I do. I need to do this regularly or I will get irritable and ultimately won't be as happy as I can be. Getting in the way of me surfing is like getting in the way of the one thing in my life that I love outside of you and my friends / family. Allowing me to do this without grief is critical to my well being, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. So if you're going to give me a hard time whenever I go surf, then i'm not the guy for you. And if we decide to have kids, we will be spending lots of time at the beach, because that's no
reason to stop living your life.

It will become more of a family thing yes, but i'm going to surf, and if the kids want to, I'll be happy to teach them and bring them along this amazing journey, it would actually be a dream come true. Do you want to be part of this dream? Yes? Awesome, let's do it.

I did this at the very beginning. I've only had to remind her of it once or twice in almost 8 years. Anytime I say, "remember when we first started dating and we agreed on yada yada yada"? Yes? Good. End of discussion.

 

I hear ya Peajay, and you do surf a lot, so you're doing it right for sure (for your situation). I'm just hoping to do things my own way and hope everybody is still happy. I don't like the idea of sneaking around is all. But you gots to do what you gots to do.