Things I'm Capable of Doing, but I Chose Not To. Part 1

I could totally bang Kate Upton if she'd let me

 

I could drink 6 beers (or more!) before breakfast, but I got sh1t to do today

 

She doesn't like guys like you.
She prefers me.......

 

who'd have though she ditched her standards!
enjoy my sloppies

 

Your sloppies are the 6 beers you drink before breakfast, all over the floor.
And she doesn't like being handed off, so, she stays with me.
Now go back to your Pabst!!!

 

I could fully whoop Conor Mcgregor's a$$ if I started training

 

I can do whatever the hell I want, if she says its o.k.....The Man Song



[video]https://youtu.be/Fj4vLZJhNEk[/video]

 

I could grow a kick-azz beard, but I choose not to because..

- people would label me something I'm not (hipster, muslim, homeless...).

- I'd probably get fired... or at least "transferred."

- my family would disown me.

- I don't want a side gig as Santa Clause.

 

If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle

 

You know....i have a beard. Had one for a few years now. I know it's trendy now, but that's not why i do it. I actually hate when hipsters compliment me on my beard. Its not nice, its over grown and unshaven. Not nice. But whatever that's not my point.

My point is...i have a nickname from an old co worker. Hobo john. My names john. I thought it was a funny name. Kids this big lanky gangsta kid. Always made me laugh. Anyway a few weeks ago i saw my high school year book. Looked through it. Reading all the things people wrote i realized...... Half the people who wrote called me homeless or hobo. Apparently iv been called homeless for the past 10+ years. I had no idea.

 

I could post on here more...

 

[video]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hXzxnvrqmO4[/video]

 

I want to put my 'D' in Scarlett Johansen's mouf. I simply choose not to.

 

i've always wanted to be a real a-hole to strangers for just one day out of the year. Mainly, i was thinking about cussing out drivers when they don't put on their blinker, honking and giving the finger. things of that nature. I'm not that guy on the road or inlife, very patient with everyone and giving the ppl the benefit of the doubt. Maybe one day when i get older and care less...

 

Well, tell the truth--it is her that chooses not to......

 

Why do you think I post here, asshole???

 

I could stick my own d1ck in my mouth, but I choose not to.

Because I'd probably never leave the house.

#asshole