The Lighter Side

Trying to get back on track

My Last Motorcycle Ride

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and ended up in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for.

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, “but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess."

 

not judging

 

I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home and I took my computer down to the bar to do some data entries.

I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender 'What's the Wi-Fi password?'

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a beer.
Bartender: We have Molson's Canadian on tap.
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Bartender: $8
Me: Ok. Here you are. What's the Wi-Fi password?
Bartender: youneedtobuyadrinkfirst No spaces and all lowercase.

 

Jack goes to his friend, Mike, and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife.
Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.

After the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You better hurry home.
My wife died a year ago."

 

"Dad", said the son, "I just passed my driving test and I was wondering if you could help me buy my first car."

"I tell you what," replied the dad after some reflection. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we’ll talk about the car."

The boy agreed to the offer.

After about six weeks the dad said, "Son, you’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, ... and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

The dad replied, "And did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

 

What a tortilla sounds like on a record player