Angry Surfer Leaves Voicmail

Subic Bay? Lol, I have a few stories myself

 

Good stuff fellas, sometimes reading these threads does make me think outside of my box, differing opinions is an important part of our democracy

 

Amen to that Brother. All of it. And the best part is if you learn and become better for it, there’s nothing to feel shame for. There’s a lot of that on this bus I’d bet.

 

What happened in Subic, stays in Subic.

 

Per my brother who is a middle school teacher in Hampton VA, not infrequently, the parents are as bad as the kids.
When I was a kid, the last ones you wanted to know that you had gotten in trouble at school were your parents. You were guilty until proven...Hell, you were guilty, period!

 

Right? That's sure as hell how it was for me, and by and large how it will be for my kid(s?) as well... not gonna be a dick about things, but you better believe I'm gonna be skeptical and realize that a middle school or teenage kid has a hell of a lot more incentive to try to manipulate me, fudge some details, or outright lie than some teacher who's just trying to do his or her job adequately, make a living, hopefully have a slightly positive impact on the life/development of many of the kids they teach, and really has no particular incentive to go out of his/her way to make some random kid's life miserable (or, if they do have some sort of vendetta, the kid is probably responsible for that too).

I do not understand helicopter/bulldozer parents at all. I didn't before I was a parent, but I get it even less now. I mean yeah, I love my daughter and want her to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and successful, and would do anything for her... but a big part of that "anything," as I define it, is allowing her to learn to deal with setbacks and adversity in an appropriate matter, because one of the realities of life is it's going to shit all over you frequently and relentlessly, and one's skill in dealing with that, both internally (mindset/acceptance that shit happens, mental/emotional resilience) and externally (assertiveness, being proactive, managing interpersonal relationships, admitting mistakes, taking responsibility for handling your shit), goes a long way toward overall happiness and success.

 

Schools (at least most schools) are the perfect context for kids to face adversity... because they're controlled environments with built-in support networks. To wait to have your kid exposed to challenges they can't overcome in a completely uncontrolled environment (college, or worse... the adult-life world of work) is a big mistake.

Research continues to show a steepening decline in students' resilience, ability to overcome setbacks, and manage stress. I think kids growing up today are still the "blank slates" that kids were when they were growing up 30 or 40 years ago. What's changed is the environment they grow up in... which has become a challenge in itself. Now compound that with parents who try to run their kid's life to a dysfunctional degree, or try to shelter them from the real world of hard knocks and you set a kid up for a real struggle later in life.

 

HUMUNGUS!!!!!!!!

 

I tell my kids all the time when I’m disciplining them at home that “this is a freebie - this doesn’t count against you because I love you and it’s my job to teach you whats right and wrong - but your GOING to learn it here and now because outside those doors, it DOES count and they do NOT love you, so you will have to do it on your own or face the consequences on your own. You are responsible for yourselves out there, no one else is.”
Of course I get the eye roll at times but I gotta say, I’ve been blessed with some dam fine kids that will be fine role models and good parents. That speaks volumes coming from my background.

 

This might be off topic, maybe not. But my parents really didn't do much parenting. That makes them sound terrible, and they are not. And of course as a young kid i got disciplined. But by like middle school, through high school and beyond, they basically stayed out of my business and let me figure things out on my own. Don't know if it was on purpose or what. But i turned out alright id say. Learned from my mistakes along the way. Did some things i should of gotten punished for but got away. Havnt really thought about it till now but i think that was pretty solid parenting. Or lack of haha.

 

That’s always a great point in discussions around this stuff - cause it’s not always the rule obviously.
I believe that sometimes a kids personality can help overcome “lack” of parenting or different kinds of parenting - depends on their surroundings and who they choose to emulate. My parents are good people - just crappy supporters so I sought outside approval my whole young life - and I don’t need to say where that can get you, BUT I had some strong
Role models in my life who I chose to be like and that saved me. Examples when I needed them, even when I didn’t know it. But having consequences, both bad and good, for my actions was what taught me the most - and that seems to be being taken away like has been said here. Which comes full circle back to someone talking smack like a 300lb linebacker when their butts checking account is PeeWee Herman’s. No responsibility or accountability.

 

Yeah man. Solid point. I was never a good student. My parents didn't get on me about grades, i don't even know if they knew how bad i was. But one year of summer school made me realize i got to pass. I was still a bad student and just scratched by, but i made sure i passed. Plenty of other examples but think that's the most relatable. Iv seen parents talking to teachers asking how their kid can get extra credit or whatever. Mine didn't. The didn't seem to care. It was on me to make sure i did what i had to to pass

 

IMO, a large part of the problem is parents having no more of a moral foundation than their kids.

 

Good job, Dad.

 

Thank you for that. A lot of times I feel like I’ve let them down. But I still try to do what I believe is right by them even if I didn’t have it.

 

I think many of us get that feeling. I certainly did...and still do at times.
It's a challenge. Often, it seems like you're fighting the world and all its bad influences in a no-win battle to give your kids a good upbringing.

 

You are hitting the nail on the head. A solid moral compass does wonders for ones life ahead of them.

I believe, based on some readings that the first 5 years of a kid’s life are imperative. Meaning the most energy needs to be put into the development of a child...morally or otherwise during that time.

LB, I would be curious on your opinion regarding home schooling. I think the point you hit on about preparing “for the world” is exasperated with home schooling.

I have older siblings that paved the way...thank God. I could’ve ended up on the wrong path easily. But, my parents instilled a certain level of values that gave me the wherewithal to pursue a righteous life. But, I have flaws...as I run into idiots and dumb shits. I try really hard to control anger and look beyond. I have kicked some asses and I have been kicked.

I think LB is right that your upbringing is critical but at some point you are definitely responsible for your own actions whether you were spoiled or latch key...

 

JayD. Funny you mentioning "the wrong path". As i said my parents didn't really keep an eye on me. I did end up on the wrong path 100%. Very wrong path. No one said hey your effing up. Stop doing what your doing. I had to say it to myself. And to be honest, I'm so happy i went down that wrong path. One because it was a whole lot of fun. But also because when i finally said to myself hey you got to cut the shit, and changed my ways.... it made me who i am today. Learned so many important life lessons along the way

I feel like if i was on the straight and narrow due to parents being on me all the time I'd be a worse person.

Interesting points from everyone. Don't know how this got started from the original thread but good talk guys