List recent excuses you've used to ditch work

I picked a fight with my boss one morning in September a few years ago so I could surf some hurricane swell. I got sent home for the day with a note in my employee file, but I fricking SCORED. Thats the best I've got. Another time, I was working late, like 7pm and my boss gave me another project just when I thought I was going to be able to leave and surf. I told her no and went surfing, no excuse, just said, nope, I'm going to catch some waves and this project will have to wait til tomorrow. I came back in the next day refreshed from a nice surf and low and behold the project was still there. Just say no to work when you can surf!!!

 

I've also just left for a couple hours without telling anyone what I was up to. I left a sandwich with a bite out of it, my spare car keys, and my spare wallet on the desk. When I came back, I said that I had to handle some issues with my landlord. It worked! God I hope there are no bosses on this thread. Glad I have an alias, maybe I should change my profile pic!

 

24 hr stomach bug. Only did this once, as my new job is very strict with hours. My last position allowed me to work from home when I wanted to, so I never needed an excuse.

 

I like your style brah! The strategic props on the desk were excellent.

 

I had the chest high and over rule back when I had a real job.

 

"Personal business" usually is the call for me.

 

Sometimes it's good to lay the groundwork. If you know it's going to be good the next day, start walking around work popping throat lozenges and wearing layers of sweaters and stuff like you have the chills. Not that I'd ever do such a dishonest thing..

 

my younger brother has straight quit prob more then 10 jobs because there was swell.

 

I have 4 kids. One of them always seems to be getting sick. Wink wink.

 

Car problems.

 

I usually go with the sh*ts, can't be proven or disproven...fall to spring I do the lozenge thing the day before, look all tired, cough a couple times, etc. The key(IMO) is to actually go to work when you're sick, that way all sick time=surf time.

 

^ this. In addition to added surf time, people are gonna believe you're really hurting bad for you to call in sick when they saw you at your desk with a 102 fever a month earlier

 

I make the boss give ME an excuse as to why I wasn't there

 

Fact.

First used the following for real like ten years ago. Realized it was genius. Have used it twice for surfing:
"My girlfriend's passing a kidney stone, I gotta take her to the hospital."

 

My office is 2 blocks from the water and my boss surfs. So I'm pretty lucky and don't need an excuse he knows what's up. It's awesome

 

karma karma karma.

most jobs I had i worked hard so when waves came up, the bosses were pretty cool with me leaving. i only had one job where the ownership changed hands, and they called me out on it. i quit that job. now i'm self employed and all my customers know the deal.

honesty is the best policy.

now lets hear it. i know you guys are gonna crack on me somehow.

 

Those old jobs back when you worked for the Pentagon or Monsanto?

 

Genius. Who's gonna argue or even want to proliferate a discussion of your irritated bowels? If they do, then that's a down azz mofo who you should probably bring surfing. It's not like everyone hasn't been there with some level of dysentery. Reminds me of a kid in high school who earned fame when he got a bathroom pass from the teacher and didn't return for 20 minutes. Teacher grilled him endlessly upon his return, to which he tried to rebut the interrogation with discretion and self-preservation of social standing with the chicks in the class. When the teacher didn't give it up, brah exclaims "I HAD TO TAKE A SCHITT!" Well, that ended that conversation. "Back to page 48 in your textbooks, class."

Just want to say that this thread is the schitt and it's classic SI material. Great job OP!