The Workday Surf Report

5/8: Woke up stoked. It was 60 and sunny but the wind had a bite to it again. Toenail to ankle with plus sets at the shins. Felt like a champ pumping through work today. Took a dump. Ate real clean with no bad carbs. Got some male grooming products at walgreens. Took another dump. Then watched a seagull take a dump on some cars and a fellow seagull brah. Thought about surfing and wondered if it will be at all possible this weekend. Then thought about how thankful I am that I'm not a sponger. Got a haircut - looking sharp. Watching the B's game and waiting for them to take their dresses off and start pumping some g-units in the cage. More of the same tomorrow and TGIF braddahs.

 

Bro, you can't give us the color commentary of your day and not be willing to accept the same from us. I digress...

5/10: Woke up stoked. Got less stoked when I saw the report had changed but still stoked. Pulled a Slashdog tactic and went back to bed in the meantime. Not before slamming some protein because I been hitting the iron again lately and Friday's lift was substantial. Also, not before taking a dump. Woke again late morning and watched the usual suspects pan my sandy lawn for sea glass. I need to start taxing them on 1/10 of their crop. Everyone likes sea glass and I could sure use some more. Watched an on-demand episode of Californication season 2 (what a series...waiting for that dude to start surfing because in the intro they show him or someone grinding on a skate). Had a nutritious lunch then answered some emails and tidied up the crib. Charged the first swell in two weeks with the 7'6 and got stoked on some knee-thigh business. Wished it was a little bigger since the wind went calm but was thankful for the scraps. Thought about hitting the skate park after but opted to make some overdue family calls instead. Good choice. Watched the Bruins lay waste to Frenchies then headed into the city to paint it up real good. Succeeded in charging the town with the brahs and good stoke all around with cheerful wahines. Talked about SD with this 6'2 drink of water that was slender with a real good face. Tore up the streets on the skates with the braddahs after closing time as it's apparently legal in Boston on all public ways, and we were on some very main drags. Sweated out several liters of fluid in the process. Hit the crib and read about SI bros getting stoked and was stoked for them. Wondered when spogner42's gonna say uncle bout this daily brogging then figured he's got more to be concerned with spending life on his stomach. Rehydrated til I started pissing clear again then thought it was high time to hit the sack and get stoked for a big Sunday.

 

What?? No poop?!? LMAO

Dude, you are KILLING me...totally classic. How am I going to top that.

 

KR I did chronicle one incident of defecation in there. Thurs and Friday were light on the food intake as beach season is upon us. Gotta stay 172-178 and that won't happen hitting weights and eating liberally. Bro, you're my guy and we aren't going head to head. We are a team and before long I'll be out there for a jaunt with you out at OS and we will put it on the map and make it a more prolific break than Westy. Especially that sandbar in between. Needles to say, half of anything I achieve is 60% attributable to your leadership.

 

LOL, modesty won't allow me to take any credit. But it's all good, brah. I should be up there permanent-like by January 2015, still getting my ducks in a row as we speak. Can't wait to catch Damon Point firing, a rare but worthy jewel when it's on.

"But I digress", we are hijacking this fine thread...so I'll bring it back to speed....

Woke up this AM to the typical Left Coast "marine layer" (at least that's what the locals call it). Excitedly, I put my G-string on backwards and ran outside, but couldn't find any Marines. What's up with that? Having all the air let out of my balloon, I moped back inside my motel room, bit down on hard on my pillow, and decided to have a go at the surf.

Walking up to the tide line at Tourmaline, I remembered those valuable "How to Wax Your Boogieboard" threads on SI and I quickly put them to good use. I rubbed the rails and belly extra good, zipped up my drysuit and kicked my Vipers like an Evinrude in high gear.

I proceeded to stroke into a clean overhead tube at Tourmo, definitely about a 3' footer. All the old men on their longboards were hooting as I got spat out of the slab-like barrel and busted a huge ARSE on the inside. Even Tom Morey, the Old Master himself, gave me a long, slow "golf clap" as I proudly took my place at the outside peak in the lineup next to Skip Frye.

After a solid hour of schooling, I let some of the old guys towel me off before returning up the hill. Dammit, still no Marines. Tomorrow, I'll head down to Coronado and search for some sailors instead. I'll keep you up to date with my next installment.

 

how tall are you emass?

 

Bout 5'11 bro. You want waist and inseam too?

 

Nicely done Kidrock.

 

5/12: Solid Day of bangin hindus and shotin piers. Drove my bad a$$ whip to Belmar, slanged a couple stocks on da way and made mo money to add to my 6 figure income. Got to the beach and it was only 18ft so did about 500 bench presses with 750lbs on da bar. By mid morning the medical waste had thined and the waves were building to 23ft. Grabbed my quiver of 24 new CI's and had my entourage of hindus carry em to da sand. Chose the one that I wanted to ride and threw tha rest in a dumpster casue I'm just that goddamned rich! Went out droppe dthe biggest set wave in NJ history, busted 17 airs, got pitted 6 times, threw dozens of hacks, slashes and Carolina cutbacks. Saw the honeyton pier approaching and drew a sweet line down the face, came screamin out da otherside of da pier like jizz flyin from my disco stick on to ya mom's face! What can I say just another day in the awesome life that I live, needless I say more?

 

Dang dude, you just ranked on about the last 3 years of threads....I think the only thing you left out was a Wayne thread and maybe a Surfing Gnome thread. You better pick up your game bro. In other words, "awesome".

 

Sorry I totally forgot about that part...

5/12 update: So as I was leaving Belmar with a whip full o hindus and a pocket full of dead presidents I saw this creepy windowless van with a sign that says Jebus Saves and free surfboards for Jr. High boys. As I slowed to get a pic of the plates for the po po, the backdoor opens and out rolls a bearded gnome and a guy carrying a latex dummy and wearing a shirt that said Mainers take it in the barn door. Both of them were covered in sawdust and walking like they just got off a horse? Odd right?

 

Tee hee!!!!