So i ate lasagna last night , sausages and meatballs and 4 dakine of cheeses , the works . Well out in the line up and felt a fart brewing . So i let it go . It kinda sounded like a bull frog , bbbbbbrrrrrrrrripp , in my 5/4/3 . I laughed so hard , then laid down to paddle up the beach , and the fart seeped out my hoodie . hit me good too , i could almost taste the lasagna . so got home and checked me wetsuite , all clear .
My bodily fluids flow from all orifices in my suite. No shame. When I get out in the cold the pee steam is rising off me. If we go out afterwards before heading inland I reek of pee. Gotta keep them baby wipes in the car, ya heard!
I think we've discussed this before. But has anyone ever been less fortunate than the OP with the all-clear check in the suite post-sesh? Any anecdotes of much worse incidences where you don't even need to check and you know there's been a tragedy below deck?
It's inevitable, it doesn't matter how cold it is, when that feeling hits you like your about to let loose your bowels in your wetsuit you will flush with sweat. It can be down right frightening. As to the farts in a wetsuit, something about it that really concentrates the smell and makes it way more stinky than otherwise. I think it's because it gets concentrated into a bubble that seeps up around your neck and comes out at once, bombarding your nose. Like gods little joke for surfers.
Honestly , clean whistle ! Scared myself tho , i checked , should i have took a picture ? , and like i said it was loud , sounded just like a bull frog . Lifted the leg in a firing manner and let it go . Rumbled a bit , felt the air pocket and started laughing . But i was not laughing as i laid down to paddle . poof !
1) never pooped in the suite but have had to run out of the water to use a dune as a potty. I also dropped a deuce on the inside once....looking back, it was a jerk move. Kinda embarrassed to admit that one. 2) Iv said this before and have gotten crazy looks, but you guys ever fart in your suite and have the air bubbles come up the front? Feels really good on the satchel
First off, I'd like to make a nomination here for Thread Title of the Year...'Fart in the Wetsuite'... Secondly, I've had the farts travel up my back and escape at the neck, which I truly enjoy. Sad to say I've never really has the air bubble satchel tingling. The only time I sharted my pants was on dry land...I had just started supplementing again, this was in college.
I have a story..... One of my buddies and I were surfing in the winter, moving from one spot to another, already in our suites. I could tell he was uncomfortable and had to take a dump, and offered to stop somewhere, but he declined my offer. Maybe he would have if we weren’t already suited, I don’t know, but he was always weird about dropping a duce in a public bathroom, so I don’t know. So we paddle out and it was a fun 3’glassy day, but he was just sitting on his board not catching much. I noticed, but was having too much fun to really even wonder why or make the connection. Then he got out, and was just sitting on his board on the beach. I was like “ that’s weird” but again was having fun I didn’t think about it much. Then he disappeared, and I heard my car alarm going off in the distance, then it went off again, then again and again, so I finally got out. I walk up and ask him what the hell he was doing. His reply in a crackling desperate yell was….”How do you think I feel, I can’t shut this alarm off and my suite is full of diarrhea!”. I was astonished, and proceeded to crack up for about 5 minutes. So now what to do? It was one of those warm sunny days towards the end of the winter beginning of spring, where the water was cold, but it was a nice day out. We were in Bayhead, and there were actually a lot of people milling around, both on the street and on the beach. We found an old pair of board shorts in my trunk, and decided his only move was to get changed into the boardshorts, and then wash himself and his suite up in the 40-something degree water. So he gets changed, and he has runny crap all over his legs. As he’s heading down the beach, he’s trying to be all smooth, and not stick out. Why he didn’t just charge out clean up and get it over with is beyond me, but he didn’t. So the beach is crowded, and he sits in the sand kind of waiting until no one is around, and this younger couple approach him and try and start up a conversation. At this point he’s trying not to make eye contact, but he’s starting to attract flies and smells. Eventually they move on, and he charges into the water and proceeds to essentially wash-up in the ocean. On the ride home he went on to describe the whole thing. The way he described trying to fight of the diarrhea was like the battle from the Old Man and the Sea or something. He said he managed to fight it until he was almost back to the car, but then it started to trickle out, and he just couldn’t hold it once it started, it was like an explosion. He said some girl was actually checking him out while he was near the car….if she only knew what she was really looking at. I offered in earnest to never reveal this story to anyone. He didn’t say much in reply, but when I dropped him off (he lived at home back then) his mom who was a very proper southern woman, was outside and asked how the surfing was. He proceeded to tell her without hesitation, “ it was great until I **** myself”. So yeah, he didn’t really care about keeping it secret. Anyway, that’s my poop suite story. I’m sure the story doesn’t convey how funny it all was, but I laughed so much and so hard that day, my stomach muscles were literally sore the next day. That has never happened before or since. I can still picture my friend, struggling in gloves to shut off my car alarm, not sure if he should laugh or cry with a suite full of crap.
Epic story, pkovo. I had a friend do the same thing, only while wearing jeans at a campsite. We were up all night drinking, and the next morning he got the bud mud in the worst possible way. He was just standing there with sh1t running down the leg of his jeans all over the ground. It was like he didn't even know it was happening. We told him his only option was to jump in the lake fully clothed, then burn his clothes. It was a good plan. Thanks for sharing. Anyone up for some chocolate soft serve? I'm heading to DQ now.
Suniliarity... [video]http://www.theinertia.com/surf/wave-farts-the-ultimate-montage/[/video] [video=youtube;rhrB4RU8exI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhrB4RU8exI[/video]
LMAO! When the fart happens, and starts looking for an exit point, can you, like, see the bubble? Is it like a gerbil running around in there? With super stretch suites and all, was wondering if you saw it heading up toward your neck? Maybe they will start pressure testing suites. The new Hyperflex FRT9000! Tested to 50 psi. Lined with a proprietary new material that converts methane into BenGay, to help soothe muscle pain while charging.
ibc, if one wants to visually experience a fart, imho the best way is to build up a good one, throw a good handful of Gold Bond in b/t the cheeks, look into the mirror and let her rip. You guys ever try to catch your farts in jars and smell them later?
You guys are gross... Whenever I see IBC's name come up, it makes me think of IBS irritable bowl syndrome. Not a slam IBC. I think your cool. Just an observation on a fart thread... lol.
