A Clown's Journey to the Mid-Atlantic

The Clown & crew found themselves down in OC Md this past weekend for what looked like some sweet surf.

After a chunky but surprisingly fun Saturday of disorganized/ wonky surf, all us clowns settled in for a night of booze in anticipation of decent swell the following Sunday.

We woke up to mini clean-to-glassy barrels right in front of the condo -time: approximately 7am.

Instead of grabbing the boards and tripping over ourselves to suit up and hit the empty lineup, some of the clowns started fostering a rebellion....(clowns are, by nature highly devious). It was, in the opinion of these unnamed clowns -better to check down south at Assateague as it appeared that there was a bit of north in the wind, which was due to increase. Assateague as a more south facing beach, they argued, would handle the winds slightly better and prolong our session when it switched full on NW/ NNW.

Keep in mind, we were looking at 3 empty sandbars, with CLEAN waist to chest peaks literal steps from where we were staying.

Alas, we broke a cardinal clown rule...NEVER LEAVE SURF TO FIND SURF. The less vocal of the clowns agreed to go along with the dissenters who were advocating for the Assateague trek. And besides, thought the other clowns...we have till noon until the winds switch so even if its not as good at Assateague we'll still have time to come back for a healthy session -and plus low tide is approaching so pony island should be working...

25-30 minutes later the clowns found themselves running up the boardwalk (hey when did they replace those splinter-inducing boards??) at Assateague state-side...topping the dunes, wondering if they should have just suited up without a check...aaaaannnndddd FARK ME! What the BLOODY FARKITY FARK IS THIS?!? Waist high gutless dribble compared to in town! Its not even comparable! Lined up mini close-outs with barely a shoulder to hop even with a big board. ARRRGGGHHHHHH!

We waited...wondering if we just needed to see a set come through. Clown minds are racing, finally acknowledging that the reason there were only 3 cars in the parking lot and 5 heads in the water is because town is working and this...well this is just garbage by comparison.

O THE HUMANITY, O BARRY!

I've never seen clowns run faster back to a vehicle...but BUT we still had time right? Wind's not supposed to switch until later right?!?

We get to midtown another 25-35 minutes later -no time to travel back to our empty bars, and of course the winds are getting more N, and stronger. We surf -fun rides, somehow smaller than just an hour earlier, but fun nonetheless. Hilarious wipeouts as clowns try to scramble for waves they have no business taking just to make up for the missed time. And then...the winds officially get worse. Time: 8:30-9:00am or so.

More heads continue to pack the lineup -everyone's cool but a clown needs his space. After drinking our fill of midtown, the clowns head off to their preferred solitude, only to find those once perfect little chest high barrels are now a solid waist and no longer as clean. The clowns begin flinging rubber duckies, big red shoes, balloons shaped into animals and phallic symbols at each other. O the ignominy, O the humanity...O barry.

Three Lessons Can Be Learned Here:
1). Clowns make bad decisions, don't be a clown.
2). Mid-Atlantic winds switch on a dime. DO NOT trust a report. If its clean and good -go out NOW.
3). And most importantly DO NOT LEAVE WAVES TO FIND WAVES.

Its amazing how many times I've learned those lessons the hard way, and how many times I apparently haven't learned them at all. Still a fun weekend was had by everyone, plenty of waves were ridden. And, anyhoo, how'd you all do this weekend in the Mid-Atlantic??

 

Sweet Zeroevol -yeah Sunday morning, early, was real fun. I wish we'd just paddled out. Right before we left for Assateague I watched a beautiful set toss out some squat but satisfying looking barrels at a bar right in front of me. I knew then that we were likely making a mistake.

 

We left the rubber chickens in the house in the scramble to get going. And yeah, sometimes my-little-pony island can be better, I've scored down south when it was un-rideable shore-pound in town. But it all depends, and its rarely, if ever, acceptable to leave waves to find allegedly "better" waves. Unless your friend sends you a text saying its firing somewhere else along with a pic which shows a dramatic difference in quality, don't leave a perfectly acceptable wave right in front of you.

 

O Barry. Clowns can't die, we just get recycled into other clowns and children's nightmares.

 

NOICE sisurfdogg haha!

And Barry I'm always in a crowd -I'm a C.L.O.W.N. It is impossible according to clown gravitational pull, centrifugal clown force and the law of multiplying clowns to have just one clown show up at a given surf spot.