The Lighter Side

Ummmm Kay, here goes:

Four nuns heading to a mission on a bus,
Bus crashes and all four die and go to heaven.
St Peter greets them in line at the gates and says:
“Before you enter Sisters, you must cleanse that which has caused you to sin, in this fountain of holy water. Then you may enter freely”
So the first nun comes up and say: “ I have seen a mans penis and it caused me lust.” And so rinses her eyes with holy water and passes through the gates into heaven.
The Second nun comes forward and says: “I have touched a mans penis and fulfilled my lust.” Washes her hands and passses through the gates
About this time there is a commotion in line behind St. Peter so he turns to see the last two nuns fighting and says: “sisters! What is wrong?” And the fourth nun pushes forward and says: “I’m rinsing my mouth out before she sticks her ass in that thing!”

 

I found a 2-page list of wife jokes by the shredder at work the other day. I'm generally not too much into this type of humor, but there were a few that gave me a chuckle...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week...A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, i go Fridays.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

First Guy (proudly): My wife is an angel!
Second guy: You're lucky. Mine's still alive.

 

Popeyes in Philly Airport offers "Emotional Support Chicken"
https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/...-support-chicken-114702796.html?.tsrc=fauxdal