Winter Surfing Paper

there are some structural issues, but the main thing i'm left wondering after reading your essay is: yes, but what of it? what's your point? why are you telling me all this?
in short, what's your thesis?

the structural issues that you have in your paper are a small issue compared to the seeming lack of focus that runs throughout.

 

nice man!!

 

"you will surf 10x better" - proven. when you surf in the winter in nj and then surf in costa rica, you go from mediocre to pro in 1 plane ride

 

first, you need to figure out what it is that you want to say. obviously, you're trying to convey just how much you enjoy surfing, esp. in the winter. your essay, as it currently stands, does not get that message across.
i suggest starting w/ a small anecdote. paint a vivid picture in your audience's mind of just what surfing in the winter is like. describe the creeping chill that you feel as you wade into the water, or the way your breath catches in your chest as the water slaps you in the face for the first time. the way the world is muffled when you have a wetsuit hood on. use metaphors & similes in your writing...it really makes your piece stand out from all the other "this is why i like blah, blah, blah..." essays. it makes what you're talking about tangible. & if your reader is someone who's never surfed before, it'll make all the difference.

 

haha great quote. hopefullly that works for me too because im going there in a month!!

 

i just got back from costa rica
next year im going to either el salvador, ecuador, or peru....

 

i disagree. No one should be able to expierence it except me. I hate it when i paddle out in the winter and there are people surfing. This sport used to be fun until the invention of surf cameras, wetsuits and the internet. Thats something you should write a paper on.

-slade

 

Okay Jimmy for one thing surfing isnt a "sport" Its a lifestyle and if you feel its a sport you have no understanding of surfing. Also if you there wasnt internet, Wetsuits, Or cams how would you surf in the winter without a wetsuit ???And dont say I would go someplace warm for the winter cause not everyone has the option todo that.

The foward movement of surfing and it technology is constantly making it better. As long as we keep non surfing companies away that dont care about the advancement in surfing and only to make a quick dollar we should be good

 

lol,Brother just got laid out.

 

hit the spot yo, only thing its rare seeing girls in summer??? I think you mean winter.

 

great essay it wierded me out tho bc those are my exact thoughts and life situation and i been to costa after survivng winter surf.... jersey surfers are defiantly on the same wavelink..........i have a writing class in bdale alll i write about is surfing!

 

I, too, love the magic of surfing in the winter, albeit in the tropics. Nothing like the early morning chill at sunrise, grabbing a steaming hot cup of tropical coffee and steamed milk, freshly baked and still hot French style bread and the smell of coconuts, gardenias, banana trees... and being one of the first in the water that is warmer than the air at 77F. Paddling out to East Coast cold water shore break does NOT prepare me for 200 yd, 300 yd paddle outs in the tropics, and the power of those waves.

 

Usually, it's hard for me to formulate sentences about how I feel when surfing without sounding like a total kook or tree-hugger. So, I just stick to other topics when writing, such as the death of my Grandpa or a persuasive writing piece on a value of mine. Every once in a while, I'll throw in a piece about a memorable dawn patrol or something like that.

I agree with Njsurfer that you need a more recognizable thesis. Make yourself an outline and underline your thesis in your paper so that you can clearly see it, and formulate topic sentences from there. Also, if this is a formal essay for an English class, you should probably stick to third person-omniscient. First person shouldn't be used unless it's a personal essay, or your teacher allows you to do so.

I understand what you're trying to say with respect to your love for surfing in the winter, but I believe that you can definitely put a lot of work into this paper. My English teacher would be super harsh on you because of the disorganization and diversions and all, but at least you've got a basis from which to work.

High school I'm assuming? What grade?

 

yea i try to keep surfing and school seperate...when school is combined it ruins my love for things

 

Nice!

Great thoughts! I wish I could have written that well in high school -college. That last paragraph could use a bit of polish. I'm not sure "toughness" is the best word choice.
Organize your thoughts around a thesis.Remember: tell them what you are going to say, say it, tell them what you said. 1,2, 3!
Keep up the great work. We could use more surfing writers to help us get over those flat spells!

 

What are you talking about, Geek?


It's all about the

-SLADE