a proper hello threade

For those Swellers who don't indulge in my narcissism, swipe left. If you're looking to settle down to a committed post and not looking for hook ups, swipe right. (That was a tinder joke.)

Hello! My name is Uncle Two Barrels. Thats not my birth name. Its a nickname. My real name is "Vermont Shred Machine 5000 Super Huge ***** Wolves are Cool". I CAN swim. But, to be honest, I don't like to open my eyes under water. Its not my scene. I have a quiver and the bills to prove it.

Its been a busy summer and I apologize for my absence, hence the Hello thread. Those following the saga of U2B/UTB (both are acceptable) or those who wish to follow along, I'll give you a brief recap and tell you where I am at...

In January Mrs. Two Barrels moved out, and I began a self indulgent hoe slaying rampage that served as a testament to the strength of the human liver. I sold my house and rented a room for the summer from a friend at a ski condo up in north central Vermont. My space is limited and I am rarely online these days...

I popped over to San Diego in June and surfed southern California for a few weeks, shaped a board at Shaper Studios, and you know, did my creepy UTB thing. This spring I also had a falling out with my employers and really decided that manufacturing sales is not my career end game (having spend most of my career in human services and remodeling), so I put in my notice at my job effective the end of August.

And Bros, I benched 275 two weeks ago. Haven't seen 275 since college.

I have no formal plans for the future at this time. I debated going to Asia for the winter and haven't ruled it out, but in the spirit of convenience I booked a trip to CR 2 days after my last day at work. I will be lurking Guanacaste for a few weeks, and then...?

I've no formal plan for the permanent relocation, but I keep eyeballing the Carolinas because its CHEAP, as in CHEAP enough to buy there AND buy a place in PR. I've kinda concluded that I don't want to move to California as the pay scale for my line of work vs. the standard of living that I am comfortable with is unattainble. And stuff is always cheap in Maine and NH. If I'm not landlocked I'll be stoked. Also looking to return to second shift living. I need the option of surfing every day if at all possible. Thats important. Major lifestyle overhaul. The inner dude is risen.

However, it is with regret that I probably won't be planting my seed in foreign countries this year. Ive been through plenty of 8s and 9s in this stretch, as well as 2s and 3s, and though I am contended to continue down that path, a situation has come about. There is a prospectus MRS2B on the horizon. This one coming to CR with me. Pic, so it happened:

And I am not going to get all pussified about this. She is far more educated than me and can work pretty much anywhere (think medical field), recently divorced and at a seemingly identical crossroads, so I think we are going to stuff a backpack and skip town. Trust me, you would too...

Godspeede. And BTW, thats an effin hello thread.

 

I've thought about doing a list on here....

 

Im hoping I can be drunk uncle someday! I lol'ed. lolled.

Dude I wanna give the hoes a second chance, but when you find yourself waiting for your *antibiotics* at the grocery store while swiping right on tinder and you have a moment of clarity about how ridiculous it is that you dodged a bullet AGAIN, and it doesn't phase you... I fulfilled my high class power milf fantasy back in June she shat the bed (posted a threade on it somewhere... june 19 or 20... its like 9/11 in my mind), from that i learned that fantasies and image is just ego and illusion, that not all that glitters is gold.... sometimes its brown. Plus the early 20 somethings are fun, but most of the girls I've encountered i do not want to encounter every morning for the rest of my life because a junior two barrels that looks like a cross between me and bar trash is bleeding my life dry, when you find one that doesn't make you throw up in your mouth after hearing her talk about life, and she rides you the world is ending tomorrow at your beckoning call, you've gotta either lock that down or take it to a cabin in the woods in the yukon and keep it captive until it dies.

you can quote me on that when you talk to your kids about sex...

 

Im hoping I can be drunk uncle someday! I lol'ed. lolled.

Dude I wanna give the hoes a second chance, but when you find yourself waiting for your *antibiotics* at the grocery store while swiping right on tinder and you have a moment of clarity about how ridiculous it is that you dodged a bullet AGAIN, and it doesn't phase you... I fulfilled my high class power milf fantasy back in June she shat the bed (posted a threade on it somewhere... june 19 or 20... its like 9/11 in my mind), from that i learned that fantasies and image is just ego and illusion, that not all that glitters is gold.... sometimes its brown. Plus the early 20 somethings are fun, but most of the girls I've encountered i do not want to encounter every morning for the rest of my life because a junior two barrels that looks like a cross between me and bar trash is bleeding my life dry, when you find one that doesn't make you throw up in your mouth after hearing her talk about life, and she rides you the world is ending tomorrow at your beckoning call, you've gotta either lock that down or take it to a cabin in the woods in the yukon and keep it captive until it dies.

you can quote me on that when you talk to your kids about sex...