Fart Etiquette.....

Discussion in 'Non Surf Related' started by Banned for being awesome, Jul 3, 2019.

  1. Banned for being awesome

    Banned for being awesome Well-Known Member

    Feb 17, 2012
    I have axed the advice of this forum many times - from how to deal with my drunk neighbor to should I give my dog chemo. Now once again I call on you all.

    When is not ok to fart?

    Options:

    * Around the wife?
    *At work?
    *The urinal?
    *Car, with just you kid in the back?
    *Outside, but people near?
     
  2. ChavezyChavez

    ChavezyChavez Well-Known Member

    Jun 20, 2011
    Crowded elevator
     
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  3. JayD

    JayD Well-Known Member

    Feb 6, 2012
    Silent but deadly or full on trumpets???

    You guys always find a way to talk some shit...
     
  4. fl.surfdog

    fl.surfdog Well-Known Member

    Dec 6, 2010
    SBD's will be alright just as long as there are 3 or more people.
     
  5. ChavezyChavez

    ChavezyChavez Well-Known Member

    Jun 20, 2011
    Doesn't matter trumpet or shed, if I'm in a confined space and someone lets fly, I'm going to call out the whole elevator
     
  6. DawnPatrol321

    DawnPatrol321 Well-Known Member

    Mar 6, 2012
    I like to rip the nastiest fart I can muster up when I’m in the elevator alone and almost to the ground floor where all the people are waiting, finish letting her rip as the door is opening, get out, turn around and watch as they walk in and it hits them in the face like a sack of pennies. Their faces are priceless...
     
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  7. nopantsLance

    nopantsLance Well-Known Member

    Aug 15, 2016
  8. La_Piedra

    La_Piedra Well-Known Member

    Oct 9, 2017
    Klingons Invading Uranus
     
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  9. fl.surfdog

    fl.surfdog Well-Known Member

    Dec 6, 2010
    I try to do the same....priceless.
     
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  10. fl.surfdog

    fl.surfdog Well-Known Member

    Dec 6, 2010
    What's really cool, when you 69 it, and find the klingons, spread them cheeks and at the same time pull the Klingon off, makes for the greatest BJ ever....lol...true story.
     
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  11. La_Piedra

    La_Piedra Well-Known Member

    Oct 9, 2017
    Sounds like a "blumpkin" lol. Look it up if you don't know what it means

    I like pulling a string of buttbeads out their balloon knot real fast, like I'm starting a lawnmower
     
  12. Panhandler

    Panhandler Well-Known Member

    238
    Oct 27, 2015
    So at work there is 4 crappers in the employee bathroom. I was doing the prairie dog shuffle and was lucky enough to catch the last open one. No sooner do I get my little safety nest built and assume position, some guy bursts in and is frantically hitting the doors hoping that one of the closed doors is actually vacant. As soon as I hear the the steps approach and the jiggle on the door handle, I release with some additional leaverage. It was a thing of beauty, nice and bassy and echo. The guy got all butthurt and said, you could of just said someone’s in here. All he heard in response was laughter from all the stalls.
    Timing is everything in those situations
     
  13. DawnPatrol321

    DawnPatrol321 Well-Known Member

    Mar 6, 2012
    Good one lmao
     
  14. Banned for being awesome

    Banned for being awesome Well-Known Member

    Feb 17, 2012
    About 18 months ago I was in London and had a free day and went to Windsor Castle. I spent the day eating total junk and by the time I got on the train to head back to London my stomach was brewing. All good I thought - I will just unload in the train bathroom. Yeah.... so.... as luck would have it the only bathroom on the train was not working. By this point it was panic mode and I was doing all I could to not poop my pants. I was even walking from train car to train car just to keep it in. People were starting to look at me like I might be some threat, thought for sure I was going to get "talked to". By about 30 minutes in I couldn't take it anymore and got off the train at some random town and as luck continued the place was pretty much shut down for the night (nothing open). At this point I was looking at behind a dumpster as my best option. But.... right then I saw a lady sweeping in a closed coffee shop and made my dash. I pounded on the window "can I use your bathroom please!!???". She was super nice and let me in.

    For the next 30 minutes heaven and Earth was moved as the England sewer system took a beating. After the 30 minutes I felt human again and was able to standup and get ready to leave and head back to the train. As I opened the door, the biggest surprise hit me however..... a line of about 15 people waiting on me to get out of the bathroom so they could go. Where in the hell did these people come from??? There was nobody in this town and now a 15 person line to use the bathroom in a closed coffee shop???

    What happened next was the highlight of the entire week. With the door open, the guy in the front of the line grabs it, and.... the entire line got their first smell of the most disgusting dump I have ever taken. 15 mystery people that appeared from nowhere, in English accents all saying in unison "bloody hell man, my god!!!". To which my reply was "you are welcome".

    As much as a suffered on the train, their reaction made it worth every second.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2019
  15. seldom seen

    seldom seen Well-Known Member

    Aug 21, 2012
    I intentionally fart in hallways at work where no one can see me but where it will be definitely audible.
     
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  16. DawnPatrol321

    DawnPatrol321 Well-Known Member

    Mar 6, 2012
     
  17. SCOB3YVILLE

    SCOB3YVILLE Well-Known Member

    685
    Nov 16, 2016
    I think I mentioned this before, but, anyway...

    My brother and I rip ass (if no one is in it) right before we got off an elevator and hit all the buttons upon exit
     
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  18. La_Piedra

    La_Piedra Well-Known Member

    Oct 9, 2017
    That was you?

    bastid
     
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  19. fl.surfdog

    fl.surfdog Well-Known Member

    Dec 6, 2010
    Funny stuff right there...thanks for the giggle
     
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