Fear of surf after having kids

Discussion in 'Mid Atlantic' started by jettyflea, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Speed Bump

    Speed Bump Well-Known Member

    Jun 3, 2014
    It's all in your head, but you gotta settle your affairs before you're gonna get right in your head. If you're out there wondering what your kids are gonna do without their daddy, you better paddle of shame it.

    1. Take care of your family first.
    Get life insurance with a big AD&D rider. Make a living will. Put your documents where the fam can get to them and execute them. Done.

    Nobody dies in accidents, so that isht is dirt cheap. If I buy it surfing (or driving to work), my fam gets a payday bigger than I would've made in my whole working career. Costs less than hitting Starbucks once a week.

    2. Take care of yourself. Eat right and exercise like a mf-er. Especially if you're only surfing a couple of times a week or less. Run on the beach if you get skunked. It doesn't do you as much good as surfing a lot in heavy conditions, but it helps.

    3. Don't paddle out if you're not gonna have fun. You should know good big from bad big by now. No shame in passing on bad big. You're probably just gonna bust up your equipment and get rattled if it doesn't look fun out there.

    Settle those three things and you can hit the water with a clear head. Whenever it's big, I always say to myself "Time to have a fking blast and maybe make my kids millionairs!"
  2. Betty

    Betty Well-Known Member

    Oct 14, 2012
    I am unsure of what you mean-- can you say more to clarify it?

  3. elementdtlop

    elementdtlop Active Member

    May 6, 2012
    anyone else ever get dry docked on a rock jetty? i had that happen 2 years ago in atlantic city on a big S swell. I figured i was ok paddling out N of the jetty but the water was ripping out so hard and washing over top of the jetty so it pulled me S across the jetty and when the water receded to rear up for the wave i was felt the rocks under my fin and was just stranded there and was like oh no... staring at a 6ft about to come at me that was ready to drag me across the rocks. that was scary as **** bc it was washing through the length of the jetty every wave so i cut the leash and had to brace myself against the rocks every wave. get up and run when it dried out enough and brace again. it was a resin 8 board and its little dings all over wouldve been a poly snapped like a twig with gouges out of it. those boards were rock solid.
  4. CJsurf

    CJsurf Well-Known Member

    Apr 28, 2014
    I admit it......its happened to me. Got caught in the vortex next to a jetty on a big swell that was sweeping hard down the beach. Waves were pushing at a 45* angle into the rocks. It was february, freezing cold and I was out of gas. Got in that spot where I couldn't go in and I couldn't go out without getting smashed. When I got arms length from the rocks I calmly took my leash off, ditched the board and climbed up the rocks. My pride and that board got dinged up that day but I didn't get a scratch. Lots of witnesses on the beach for that one. :cool:
  5. jettyflea

    jettyflea Well-Known Member

    Apr 12, 2013
    That's exactly what happened to me. I didn't have any energy left after taking a bad drop. I was caught on the inside and the longshore current took me into the jetty. I got stuck in the rocks and a few big ones detonated on me. Got myself free and a lull came thankfully to scrape around the jetty and ride one in on my belly. I had fear after having kids but while I was stuck in the jetty, I just kept thinking about my wife and kids. Now it's in my head but I think some of the suggestions on here are on point.
  6. DawnPatrol321

    DawnPatrol321 Well-Known Member

    Mar 6, 2012
    I think what you're experiencing is a normal reaction to what could have been a life ending situation if not for your survival skills. It doesn't have to be a 23 foot day to be dangerous. You can drown in just a few inches of water if you are knocked out and face down, so it's not out of the realm of possibility that it could happen on a 4-6 foot day.

    I saw a guy drown on a 6-8 foot day at NSB a few years back, even though it wasn't me that drowned, I saw it with my own eyes what it looks like when you do, and it messed with my head for a while. This past trip to PR last year was my 4th time down there, never got into any trouble the previous 3 trips, but this time was different. I won't post a long winded story on what happened, already did that on here. But I very well could of drowned that day. Luckily I found a way out of trouble and got to land in one piece, albeit a slightly broken piece.

    I was in a lot of pain and had to spend almost the entire day / night in the Mayaguez ER getting my shoulder fixed and the gash on my side cleaned out. I don't have kids, but I felt terrible for my wife when it happened. I thought about what her experience would have been like had I not come back, how she would have reacted to that, I thought of what life would of been like for her had I not made it back to shore alive and that made me pretty upset. Call me whatever you want, but that day was traumatic. Since that day I've had to battle negative thoughts when paddling out on challenging days. Some days are better than others. When the mind isn't in the right place I find it's better to get out of the water but come back very soon and try again and have a successful session to redeem yourself and get some confidence.

    I find the more I put myself in challenging situations and the more I focus on my fitness the more confident I get and the less I think of those type of things that prevent me from doing my thing on those really big days. One thing I decided to do is stay out of the water on true DOH days until I fully overcome these thoughts. Like you said, I've ridden waves in this size range before, but it's at the top end of my comfort zone, and I can't even say I was comfortable when I caught those waves.

    Until I fully get over it, I will go out on anything head high and under and those days that are well overhead but not quite DOH I decide on based on my mindset. If i'm not in the mood for the challenge, or can't seem to get it up for that type of surfing, I stay away, if I have a clear mind and am in a charging mood, then I paddle out. Don't let your mind control you but at the same time, don't do anything your mind isn't comfortable with doing. Nothing wrong with pushing the envelope, but can't do that if your mind is already set to failure. Just my .02
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2016
  7. CJsurf

    CJsurf Well-Known Member

    Apr 28, 2014
    When its your time its your time. Best not to even worry about it. Closest I've probably come to something serious in the surf was riding a 1 foot wave in on my stomach after a session....goofing off in the shorebreak end section and landing upside down on my head. Got a good stinger and was super lucky I didn't end up a quadriplegic. In an instant life can change or end.
  8. DosXX

    DosXX Well-Known Member

    Mar 2, 2013
    I need to get my will and asset documentation squared away...
  9. jettyflea

    jettyflea Well-Known Member

    Apr 12, 2013
    This definitely supports Stanks' advice and is what i'm thinking. I understand it's normal after what happened but the fear started creeping before that after having the kids. It just feels like a step backwards. Either way I'm happy I'm still able to surf and have many years left to get back there. I'm going to start conditioning myself (even if it's overkill) just to get the confidence back.

    Also, less thinking helps too. As others say, you can get in a car crash or get diagnosed with a disease. Live life cause you never know what tomorrow brings. I'll just make sure not to put myself in a dangerous situation I can't handle. If I can get my mindset back, then everything should follow. Thanks.
  10. DawnPatrol321

    DawnPatrol321 Well-Known Member

    Mar 6, 2012
    Sounds like you're on the right track now. Hope you get over it. I guess once you had kids your mind automatically flipped a switch and it wants you to be more careful and less daring, to make sure you're around for your family. Nothing wrong with that either. You'll find a healthy balance i'm sure.
  11. Barry Cuda

    Barry Cuda Guest

    But failing all the advice you have gotten here, jetty, if you wish, do a whole bunch of crystal meth.....not only will you be fearful, you will be paranoid, kinda like Jawndoeski......
  12. jettyflea

    jettyflea Well-Known Member

    Apr 12, 2013
    That **** would make you run away from the water on a knee high day.
  13. LazyE

    LazyE Well-Known Member

    Aug 6, 2014
    I once got my d*ck caught in my zipper while changing on New Symrna beach and my whole life flashed before my eyes. I have never carelessly zipped since.

    just thought I'd throw that out there.
  14. ScobeyviIIe

    ScobeyviIIe Well-Known Member

    Nov 3, 2015

    hahaha. Watched my buddy get rolled over the so. car ave jetty into the boneyard infront of the GK pier.
    It was awesome!
  15. LazyE

    LazyE Well-Known Member

    Aug 6, 2014

    what are friends for? lol
  16. Barry Cuda

    Barry Cuda Guest

    So, you are a eunuch??
  17. LazyE

    LazyE Well-Known Member

    Aug 6, 2014
    As a surfer who had a fear of having kids that might have been a blessing but I still got game and a couple of trophys to prove it.
  18. JawnDoeski

    JawnDoeski Well-Known Member

    Aug 11, 2014
    Man some of yous guys are so afeared sometimes...shred or die right?

    I don't know anymore

    Hey I once got mangled and tangled in that old spanish galleon on lbi after a night of smoking PCP with some Puerto Ricans in wildwood and it was only four foot New Jerseyian

    I've said this before but I saw Little Ricky get washed up over the rocks in pumping 23' zones..he's got a kid dawg

    It's not likely but don't go dying out there in the Atlantic ocean
  19. DonQ

    DonQ Well-Known Member

    Oct 23, 2014
    These days I'm more afraid of kids after surfing.
    Don't fret none, it's only natural to want to be there for them.