Hello Tread

Herow skips, skeezers, surf-wax eaters, belly-boarders, board-shorters, trips, dips and back-side flips, carpetbaggers, mad-hatters, scallywags, dudes in drag, jokers, smokers and midnight tokers:

I am the CLOWN. I come to melt your face off.

Favorite color: Blue.
Preferred Board: This is the EC, I surf what gets me waves (from a mushburger-snagging fish to a 9'2" log and everything in between).
Favorite Food: Impossible question.
Favorite Booze for sippin: beer -anytime, whiskey -winter, gin and tonic -summer.
Girlfriend: no pics for the pervs, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that she cooks better than yours. She's a classically trained chef and her quiver of knives is probably worth as much as your quiver of boards.

Been lurking here for a while, decided its time to jump in. Surfing for over 10 years. Generally find myself in OC Md (yay for inconsistent nonsense) -thank the Gods that Joaquin reformed the bars again. Unfortunately don't live close to the beach anymore so I have to contend with Baltimore and Bay Bridge traffic to get waves. Work is flexible however, so I still find time to surf year round.

Next time you're looking at "not great" conditions and debating whether to paddle out, just f'in do it, because meanwhile there's an army of clowns who live too far from the beach to go whenever they want, looking at the cams wondering why the fk there aren't a few heads on that small but perfectly acceptable peak. Don't make me come down there and clown on you.

Now I'll leave you guys and gals to do what you do best...BRING OUT THE CLOWNS.

 

Top o' the mornin' to you Seldom. I'm generally a happy clown Don and 5446 -but is there really anything other than a scary clown, regardless of their demeanor? And plaid for sure, bike horns are mandatory. Faces will be melted with clown black magic.

 

I know right headhigh -is it closing time yet, I need a g&t, extra lime. And yeah the bridge can be a crazy hassle. Last few times I hit traffic there it was for no reason. As in, no accident, toll booths running smoothly, no lane shutdown...who knows, everyone just decided to forget how to drive at the same time.

 

Scobey -I'm a clown, which means if its over 3ft tow-ins and step-offs should be mandatory and there needs to be at least 6 people on each jet ski.

And Barry it can always get worse.

tlokein -I autopsy cotton candy 3 times a day for each meal. I directed that Mastodon video. Every time I try to curse out loud a squeeky horn blows so I never get to adequately curse my shoes. When people shoulder hop me I trail em, then jump on em piggy-back style and yell "SQUEEEEEE!" that really is the best way for clowns to ride waves. Precisely 12 & 2/3rds clowns can fit on a 5'6". And I'm pretty sure everything is scared of clowns -sharks are no exception.

 

I suppose I like knives as much as the next clown Seldom, my lady's are some type of Japanese steel but they're so sharp I actually don't really like using em -one mistake and there goes a finger.

The excess 1/3rd clown is consumed by the other clowns. Clowns are actually fierce cannibals when it comes to clown hierarchy. Clown math dictates that 12 & 2/3rds clowns fit on a 5'6", and clown ethics dictate that all available space that can be filled by a clown must be. Therefore you can't have just 12 clowns, that would leave a space for 2/3rds of a clown -unacceptable of course. So, the other luckier clowns simply eat 1/3rd of the unlucky clown and pile the 2/3rds of his remains onto the board. It's not as bad as it sounds -clowns taste like skittles.