My Special Lady wants to put something in my butt-Life Advise

Only keep baby carrots in the house

 

Sleep with one eye open.

 

That fact that she wants to is freaky deeky. don't kill the mindset.

 

Depends which eye you leave open...

 

Good point, be very selective.

 

get some of those anti-rape panties...i mean boxer briefs

 

.

 

make a deal?

 

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." - Tyler Durden

I remember going to a Helios CoOp Fetish Halloween party back in 1995 an seeing some dude suck his own cock. For the first time! Inspiring. Since that moment, not too much has shocked me. Although yesterday, I was surprised by two things, the AntiFa guy who punched the Nazi at the inauguration turning out to be a scat freak, porn star at night and a middle age accountant Navy retiree by day (I <3 4chan) and Francis's naked shorting of AAPL after they released a new product going into the holiday season during an up economy.

Butt I digress

You know Sel as men in America with access to health care, at some point in our lives somebody is sticking something up there. Recently I found out that my doctor has really big hands. The hard way. Didn't seem to be abnormally large when I shake them, but you'd be surprised. I was.

Take your pick, someday soon based on your age, you can let your doc be the one to take your anal virginity, or you can always let Mrs Seldom Seen go sh!1 spelunking.

Either way, my advice is to find a doc with small hands.

Didn't Abbey say that the real jack Mormon river runner had two wives?

 

I had the doc check the oil once. It was my first, last and only time. I think i'll just let myself die of prostate cancer if it comes down to it againe.

 

We don't negotiate with terrorists

 

I never even knew such a thing exists. Thanks for enlightening me. I think.

 

Both my Pop and my Father in Law have had the big C in little man tate.

They caught pop's early enough that he can still get it up, although it took him about 6 months of PT to learn how to control his piss again. FIL's, not so much. Not even viagra works. He's had it twice over the last 10 years and now it's spread to his bones. Getting rough

He didn't like getting tested either.

 

Shelldonne, this is a serious problem. And serious problems need serious solutions. Have you ever been the recipient of a Rusty Trombone?

Tell your significant other that if she's serious about sticking stuff up your Exit Only, you will need to start small to begin with. I mean, girls don't immediately practice deep throating with a cucumber, right? Of course not. They also start small, maybe with a small plantain or baby carrots.

This is where you tell her that the perfect introduction to her fixation on your butt could be mutually satisfying by slowly and carefully inserting her tongue in your sphincter.

If she's a no-go on azz munching, then the subject is dropped from this day forward, never to be spoke of againe.

But if she's down for it, let her use the bead string on you. Just make sure she only pops them out one at a time, as opposed to ripping them out like she's starting up an old Evinrude.

Just my .02 cents brah

 

awe...this could be your special Monday night routine; dinner/the Bachelor/2 knuckles deep....

 

Next time she brings it up punch her in the face... When she gets up and says "why did you do that" hit her againe...
That should be the end of it

 

Dang, sorry to hear that dude. My Pops has Leukemia / CLL. I honestly have to keep an eye out considering it's hereditary.