Now Anthony Bourdain?!?!?!

I agree.

Maybe one day we'll create a law which allows us the choice to pass on in a quiet and dignified manner without bureaucratic intrusion.

Something like how Edward G. Robinson decided it was his time near the end of "Soylent Green", except they won't convert you into consumable crackers.

To be in a beautiful French hotel and off yourself signals that the suicide was planned well in advance and gives a glimpse of how deep the depression probably was. Maybe he wanted to look at the surrounding beauty, eat his favorite foods and soak in the culture one last time, much as Robinson's character did in "Soylent".

I'm sure the French weren't stoked with having to deal with another issue involving another "ugly American".

Just seems quicker and easier to swallow a gun in your garage. Not for everyone, I guess.

 

We live in a culture of death, but i do not subscribe. We were made to live, and we are wonderfully made, and so death is not natural, and we should live as long as we possibly can, and cling to life with every last breath we have.

Our culture is obsessed with death and glorifies it, but instead we should be embracing the gift of life.

No one really knows what is going on in someone's head at that precise moment when they actually do kill themselves.
To try is utterly pointless and mere speculation.
It is just sad and we should comfort those who suffer, and weep and mourn with those who are grieving.

When staring death in the face as i have these past five years i am alone staring death in the face.

My wife, family, doctors, nurses and friends are always there for me, but it really doesn't change the fact that i am facing death, not them.

You gonna walk that lonesome valley.
You gotta walk it by yourself.
Nobody else can walk it for you.
You gotta walk it by yourself.

 

I agree with much of what you said but I disagree that death isn’t natural. It is just as natural as life, one doesn’t happen without the other. All part of the cycle. I also disagree that you are facing death alone. We are all facing death, nobody can avoid it, so we are all in the same boat, it’s just a matter of where, when, and how.

 

I respect your right to your opinion, though i totally disagree with your first disagree. i believe we were made to live forever. Not something i really want to discuss here and/or now, but i wanted to clarify.

However, on your point about not being alone when staring death in the face?
How do you know?

I used to be like you. Pretty little wife, live at the beach, surf every day, great job. 50 amazing perfectly blessed years.

Then all of a sudden one day out of the clear blue sky i got deadly rare crippling cancer.

If i was you, i would not be telling others who stare death in the face for 5 years what that is like.
You have no idea. You have no right to tell me what it is like.

Go look up high-grade fibrosarcoma and get back to me.
Then try to imagine what that's like.

You can't.

 

I never told you what it is like to live with cancer. I just stated the fact that we ALL are facing death, none of us can avoid it. It’s going to happen. While I sympathize with your situation, you are still alive and talking to me while guys like Sandblaster died unexpectedly. His death is a reminder that it can end at any minute for any one of us. Keep fighting the fight though, my Dad is battling CLL aka Leukemia.

My “pretty little wife” also has a blood disease that nearly killed her. In fact she did die for a few minutes till she was revived. She has been on meds ever since to keep her around. So far so good but that too could change any day. So don’t tell me what I do and don’t know.

 

You just proved my point. It hasn't happened to you, and you have no idea what it will be like until it does.

My parents died. I could not help them to survive their illnesses.If my wife or children faced death would be far worse than now, when it is me, but that was not my point.

I am actually just glad it is me instead of my wife, children or grandchildren. That would be far worse.

You're arguing something completely different. When it is a loved one. That is the worst by far. I agree.
It is a helpless feeling, as you know.

In fact i have been saying all along since my cancer and then metastasize that my family and friends are the victims.

So what exactly is the problem you have with me, that my personal feelings about my personal incurable illness are wrong so i am not entitled to my opinion about my own mortality?

I don't understand that at all.

My point has been all along that when you are staring death in the face, you feel totally alone.
At least i do.

And you're not exactly giving me the old bro-down here either, are you?
Not feelin' the love, feelin' pretty alone.
And here i'm giving very serious consideration to retire in brevard in a couple years, good Lord willin', if'n the crick don't rise, and i still think you are a great SI member, and this is only a clear misunderstanding.

Are you playing a game with me, just trying to prove you are right and i am wrong?

Do you know what it's like to give birth, or come back from iraq with no legs, too?
I have no idea what that would be like.

And until i got this cancer, i had no idea.
Just like you.

Maybe anthony bourdain felt that way, too.
Like, tell me how i feel. Really?
I have no idea how bourdain felt.
He may have had a bunch of people telling him he is not alone, and he felt he was.
Celebrity can have that effect, just like a deadly disease.
We should not speak for him.

Worse would be you trying to tell me what it is like and speak for me. You ain't me, and this is not a movie, this is my one actual real life.

Come with me for my scans next month and see how much you know.
I'd rather be surfing.
Maybe there will be waves that day.

 

Pulling for you Beachbreak!
Be strong.

 

Nah Beachbreak, I think you are taking my words all wrong, very defensive i'd say. Listen, I lost my older sister when I was about 10 years old, she was in her early 20's. I lost my little brother shortly after that within the same year I believe, he was only 8 years old. I lost my grandmother less than 10 years ago, she was in her late 60's. I lost my grandfather a few months ago. He was at the hospital getting a routine procedure to clean up his lungs, since he dealt with COPD, emphysema, among a host of other things and he ended up slipping off the side of the bed, hitting his head, and he ended up dying from that instead. He was in his 70's.

I also had a friend who I went to school with in middle school and high school, he ended up getting drunk one night with a group of friends at the local sports bar, got in the car with his cousin, started driving home and ended up blowing through a red light and got smashed by a cement mixer truck and they both died on impact.

Last year I had a co-worker blow his brains out, he was in his 70's.

My point to you was that everybody is going to die, everybody, me included. Some will go fast, so will go slow. Some will go tragically, some will heroically. In the end, we all go, that's what it boils down to. Since we ALL are going to face our demise then it DOES seem natural that it would happen eventually, whenever that may be.

That being said, I did not mean to trivialize your situation, or to make you feel any less about it. I mean that. I would never play games about something like that. I honestly want you to not feel any fear about it. That's what i'm getting at here. It's not like you have to die and everybody else gets to stay and party forever, doesn't work that way.

I may have a direct approach in my communication style, but please do not confuse it for being cold or heartless. Believe me, I feel for you bro, I really do. It f'ing sucks that you have to go through that. But look at the positive man. You're still here! So many folks cannot say the same thing. And when your time comes, or my time comes, all those people will be waiting for us to join them in the next life, God willing.

I really have a lot of respect for guys like Jimmy Valvano, Stuart Scott, and Craig Sager. The way they handled their impending demise was nothing short of inspiring and brave. I hope when my time comes, that I have at least 10% of the humility and positive outlook that these guys had when they knew that their time was coming to an end. I do not know how you feel inside, but I bet those guys did.

 

damn dude

hate to hear all that. let me know if you need anything

 

“When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.”

- Stuart Scott

 

^^^ All posted with the best intentions

 

My point is many times i hear if there is a suicide note that they felt alone.
My sister said she contemplated suicide because she felt alone.
I guess my comparison was wrong, sorry, i am not suicidal like bourdain was, just got me thinking, me since my cancer look at dying and i know i will go it alone.
Surrounded by family and friends, helpful yes, i always see that, but i think it doesn't really matter.
And jimmy v doesn't help me, either.
Great job by him though, yes of course!
Just does nothing for me.
I just think i will still be all alone in a crowded room when it is my time to die.

When i got my cancer and saw how bad it was i realized that only i know what i am going through because it is different for everyone.
I stare into space and think about dying.

I am just being honest with you.

Quite frankly, when people who love me are stoked i am still surfing it always surprises me.

It is always a surprise when they say i inspire them with my pure stoke, even though the popup is so bad.

So for me, i am feelin the love, and from you boys, and i know i will be in paradise when this life ends and i rejoice.

However, my beliefs are different. All the speeches and 5ks and pink ribbons are nice i guess, but i am no hero or victor or survivor.
Please respect my right to think i did nothing but become a member of a big family.
I am a patient, nothing more, i sit and follow my doctors orders and advice.
I did not beat cancer nor did i fight cancer nor did i kick cancer's ass.
I went to the doctor.

They are the best. 5 years ago i should have had my leg amputated and then died anyway.
But they saved me.
Then my leg again and spread to my lung. Same shit.
They took care of it again.
An amazing thoracic surgeon.

So now i'm still here feelin ok and booked for jax and then buxton in three weeks!

Enough about me. I wonder if bourdain left a note. They usually do. Bet it says he felt all alone. Don't start! Please!
Seriously though, this is really sad, he was really blessed, and it does not make any sense. To me.

 

Not to hijack the thread but I would like to add that I have had near death experiences. One surfing, a couple bad car accidents, and most recently, I suffered a seizure last weekend. One of several that I have had in my life.

They don’t happen every week, or even every month, but maybe once a year for the last 10-15 years. This last one was kinda bad. My wife was driving and I was in the passenger seat when it happened.

She had to pull off the road because she thought I was dying. I was on concious for several minutes, convulsing and unresponsive. I woke up to her screaming, crying, shaking me and asking me to please wake up. I eventually came to and I was OK after a while but who knows, what if I didn’t wake up??? That crossed my mind for sure. It kinda scared me a little but honestly when I was out I had no pain or fear, I was just, gone.

I wasn’t going to post this on here. I’m kinda embarrassed about it. But felt it relevant so that maybe you can know a little bit more about what I may or may not know, and what I may or may not feel about it. Just adding some perspective is all.

 

I hear you dude. I got nothing but love and positive vibes for you. You are allowed to feel alone all you want. I sometimes feel that way myself even when my health is in good standing, on the surface at least. Nobody can feel what you are feeling, or see what your mind sees. I agree with you. But fear not, death in this world is not the end.

 

Thanks. And if you visited with my radiation oncologists and chemotherapy nurses you might understand they gave me more poison than literally anyone before had ever seen and rounded up to save my life, and i believe it is normal to be afraid.

The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

 

Normal, yes. I think we all struggle with our mortality. I think about it often. I guess maybe a part of me is I’m just talking to myself, to make myself less afraid of it. I want to be at peace with it when the time comes.

 

still remember the day I heard a family friend had bone marrow cancer when I was 10 - he was 8. I cried, a lot. thought the world had ended. he made it through though, and even though he had always been a funny little f*cker he became even more cynical. last I knew, his favorite tobacco was lucky strike.

on that point, sittin out back last night - finally warm enough to enjoy a cold one outside. mosquitoes driving me crazy though. it's summer for such a short time this way, they swarm. makes me miss winter, that and a lot of other things...street parking, being on this site less, snowblowing the end of the driveway a second gdamn time so I can get out to a spot, the solitude of the icy atlantic and the rush of wind the comes when just scratching over an OH close out only to get set-up perfectly on the next one in the set.

so im sippin my local ipa and swattin away when I get a call from a colleague at 8 pm on Friday night. never good. an associate of mine climbed polls for a living, fixing connections for a local cable & phone company. 55. massive heart attack.

some of us get an eviction notice, some of us don't.

until it's your time, you got a place here. you ever want to see maine, let me know.