swellinfo surf story

however he knew, that since they were like him, they were eagerly searching for a way to make the soberness go away, Some were calling up big perm an hittn him up for whatever he had that day. Hopefully SOMEONE scored the Krypto so he could get all swatty and slotty......

 

....which he promptly did, stankin' & frankin' while he was a-crankin' until he saw ....

 

...DosXX on his way to Dam Neck...

 

.....cruzin in his 68 bus, no throwback here, buoyz, the real deal, he's owned that air-cooled beeatch since original, and no telling how many Gidgets he's twidgeted in that critter, as he unloads his VB Special from Austin he's eyeballin' that knee-high & ready to give it what for, when all of a sudden another van pulls up and .....

 

The Double X man saw an intimidating looking dude on the side of the road. He thought hell I'll give him a ride. The guy hopped inside and said my name is Yankee and I need a lift to Dam Neck. Dos XX said thats where I'm heading so jump in. They drove off together talking of surf trips and perfect waves. A bit further down the road they came upon two guys with boards under their arms...

 

....and Yankee got the fukkk out, went back to his FJ, and abandoned DozXX to the shady wiles of waynetheinsaaaane the hitchhiker man & his assistant chucka-boo-boo, although chucka wasn't saying much because of the red ball mouf tether that wayne had installed in chucka's oral orifice;

As noted by Carter, The Yankee saw Blasters & GitCarter standing on the other side of the byway, slowly shakin' their salt life heads, and the killahs proceeded to the OBX where it was mackin OH waves while Florida CPS was, as usual, 10 minutes too late in landing on waynetheinsaaaane until all of a sudden .....

 

...WAPAHHH!!! Micah Peasley and Zack Gaffer smacked the lip of the highway guard rail and their VW Scirocco (California plate SOPITD) came to a firm halt. Gaffer climbed out of the broken window, looked back at the Carolina Critters and said...

 

To the whole group which consisted of Rcarter, Blasters, the carpenter worshiper and the carpenter; "lets go getted pitted so pitted, we can take the whole crew to Lunada, its 3carters high and off its nut!" "I dont think we have a big enough crowd to be cool when we go, so lets collect a bunch more f@ckwits in a roundabout way and get the ball rolling!!"

Everyone liked this except for the carpenter worshiper, because he couldn't surf for cheese. he went home NEVER TO BE HEARD FORM AGAIN.

Ole Chuckie the carpenter was kept behind because he needed collect sawdust and harvest (1-mucus________Mad libs body secretion) to fill the mold of the perfect wood-composite board that would rock 23 fotters

 

Mucus

 

The carpenter worshiper went home to his cell, escorted by FLA CPS, leaving a white van littered with candy wrappers, foam surfboards & one red ball mouf tether, as chucka-boo-boo worked the buoys on the docks one final time, dropping trou & showing his asspects to raise money for the long Greyhound ride back to the latex barn.

Meanwhile, MIS was getting shacked on a rare trek to the OBX, Gaffer invented a new form of human knee cartilage, injectable, repaired his bum knee & joined the ASP sponsored by, yep, the gnome...

.....

 

.....the gnomes' sojurn out onto the asp circuit so enraged his sheep cult that they swarmed and
asphyxiated auckland.

 

...Hello

 

and hell broke loose
zgaffs knee imploded
MIS's lost his voice
blasters lost his sister
Yankee and chuckabooboo shared a giant beer
cats were sleeping with dogs
it was chaos

 

The skys beagn to part and a bright light shown through. A loud voice said listen to me mutha fukas...

 

At the same time, EMassSpicoli took off on a giant 56 footer, just dodging the lip. As he went for the mother of all bottom turns, a jagged chandelier of water with bad intentions landed on his head, sending him to the bottom. Disoriented, not knowing which way is up, he started to pull on his leash to get to the surface. As he tugged with all his might, trying to conserve his last breath of air, a loud pop was heard for miles. It wasn't his leash eMass had in his deperate grip, but a rope that was attached to a giant stopper at the bottom of the sea. His superhuman adrenaline fueled power had somehow unloosened the drain plug for the Atlantic Ocean. A giant whirlpool formed......

 

and the swelluminati skank disappeared in a vortex of bro jargon and over verbosity. He went to Hades where he became Saddam's bottom beeyatch (much to Satan's chagrin) and never said bro again.......

 

... as EMass was being violated anally by Sadam Hussein, Blasters's sister was sucked towards the drain. Miraculously, her extreme girth clogged it.

But all was not well. The skies remained parted as the loud voice said ...

"....The end is near." "Things have not gone to my liking, so I have decided to go all Dinosaur on your asses."

"A comet the size of Rhode Island is headed towards Earth as we speak. It will strike London, vaporizing the sissy tea drinkers. Within three hours, a wave one-hundred feet tall will impact the East Coast. Whoever does not get pitted will burn in eternal hellfire. Whoever does, party at my house."

"You have three hours. Peace Mutha Fukas"

And with a cacophonous boom, the clouds closed.

 

This had all the swelluminati ranks very excited, all the time listening to Led Zeppelin records backwards and fingerpainting with chicken blood had not been a waste. The one from beyond was finally delivering what he promised: some mouthwatering set waves.

 

The Swelluminati were waxing their rhino chasers up and psyching for the swell. Seldom Seen had some 20ft long fins and a special board modfied by Mike Stewart himself and was ready to get the deepest pit ever. They were all discussing how far out they would need to be to take off on a 100 footer when they heard footsteps behind them...