swellinfo surf story

Just then, a Winnebago imprinted with "The Real Bettys of Port Fierce" screeched into the parking lot of The Horse. Out of the cabin appeared Betty, who somehow managed to escape the flaming wreckage of the SS Swelluminati, and met up with the Ghost of EMassSpicoli's Mom, while swimming back to shore off the Port Fierce North Jetty.

They pull out all kinds of data and nautical charts of each tropical incest since 1957, along with detailed maps of the Bermuda Triangle. Then out from the Winnebago a sack was brought out, and Betty proceeds to pour into a fiberglass resin bucket:

4 dead chickens (quartered)
3 gallons of St. Lucie River water (unfiltered)
2 dorsal fins of the blacktip species
1 large heaping spoonfull of minced medical grade gnar gnar

She mixes it all up with a wooden Popsicle stick, and mumbles some incantations:
"Corky Carroll got a barrell, Greg Nole south pole, Andy Irons Bay of Byrons, SJB 1 2 3!"

 

What appeared was the most beautiful high performance short board you have ever seen...

 

..shaped by the one and only roy..

most surfers were afraid to touch it.it was like taking a Ferrari offroading in those conditions,no way was anyone going to be responsible for snapping a 300,000$ stick

 

But Koki came out of nowhere and threw a shiite stained dollar on the ground and took off with the board. The Bettys gave chase but could not keep up. Just then Metard showed up with brown fingers saying"he stole my dollar"...

 

from the tip jar at Waffle House. Metard gave chase but his pants fell down around his ankles...

 

...so metard kicked off his trow, past the creepy vans on his feet, and ran a 4.4 40 after Koki, ballz in the wind. metard horse-collar tackled KB by his gold chains and replica DosXX dog tags and the kookboard went airborne. Erock took off his yellow Quik tank and threw it as a flag for the unsportsmanlike while simultaneously catching the kookboard. E then busted the board over his knee a la Bo Jackson, saying "Coils only brahhh!" Just then, fins369 came sprinting around the corner with Kookie Monster trailing right behind when...

 

http://media.nesn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/KCBoBats.gif

 

Infuriated, Koki pulled out his blade and began slicing and dicing, grabbed his board back, pulled out a roll of duct tape and nooka-rigged that **** back together...just then the ghost of. eMass's mom saw the ghost of Wayne and exclaimed...."Spicoli, this is your father"

 

...a resolute Spicoli vehemently denied the claim his maternal spirit jestingly made and told the wraith his father was back home in EMass on the golf course and that the afterlife had distorted her reality. At once, Spicoli snapped off the center fin from Roy's kookHP and slashed Koki's jugular like it were a clean Rhodey wave face on a trop swell. The fine southerner breathed his second to last breath, flailing in Spicoli's grasp. His maker stared him straight in the eyes and mandated "look at me...I did this to you." At that moment, Koki became the fourth apparition of the Swelluminati. Spicoli then snickered to his ghost, "shoots, brah, I had to!" As the entire Sweller tribe looked on in amazement, Zippy darted back into sight shouting "closeouts do exist after all!! Just scored this brisket half price!!"...