on the way to AC EVERYONE got distracted and went to Delilahs den for some action, while some were bored with the 3rd teir whores, others who had never seen woman were enthralled and couldn't leave. One girl said, hey, Emass, lets go to the Golden Key Motel....Game for any action, he jumped in her ride....however Emass didnt know the history of that spot.... he would have to fight his way out of a Saw-like labyrinth of violent giant metal puzzles before he could ever see the ocean again, but that side tail (or tale?) might be for another time...
Meanwhile Blasters and his sister had just about enough of the north and spun the General Lee round heading south and put that pedal to the floor cause you know that things got a Hemi in it! They were tearin down 95 faster than sh!t through a goose when the cops came up behind them. Well Blaster grew up watching a lot of Dukes of Hazzard, hell he even named his car General Lee, so he thought he could lose em Duke Boys style on the back roads. Blasters turns off the highway doin about 90, tires screechin, dirt flyin. He makes it on to the back roads and seems to be leaving the pigs in the dust. Just then he looks ahead to the bridge and notices...
a big gap because it's under construction....now you know those Duke boys don't know how to slow down here folks...."Daa na na na NA NA NA da na na na".... YEEEHAWWWW!! Hit the dirt pile at 88 miles per hour and go flying through the air!
At the same time, Roy, swallowed whole, uses one of his saw toothed flipper shaped fins to saw his way out of the slimy belly of Mary Kate, emerging helmet first from the man eater. Chucky, overcome with joy, starts to beat his porpoise like a latex dummy, screeching like a dolphin "eeeeyyyy, eeeeyyy, eeeeyyyy, click, click, click, eeeeyyy, eeeyyyy, eeeyyy."
While beating the porpoise to a latex pulp, a genie appeared and told Chuck-A-Boo-Boo he had 1 wish and to make it count...
Blasters clears the gap leaving the cops behind... Meanwhile at the coast Chucky is so excited to see Roy he blows Gnome sauce all over his latex buddy and gets stuck to it. Roy is pissed that Swellites tried to feed him to Mary Lee and destroyed his giant toothpick, and he wants revenge! Roy uses the fin Charlie Brown had up his A$$ to free Boo Boo from the sticky situation he is in. The Barn Dweller then tells Roy that he and Wayne have a plan to exact vengance from the SI crew but first they need to get across the "pond" and form an alliance with the queers known as MSW, short for Men Sucking Wankers...
Blasters sister gets a text from Brew engineer saying the party is on at his house. Monsanto had sponsored a fish fry with all the beer you can drink. Ready for some southern style hospitality the two hit the highway headed south. Meanwhile...word of the fifty footers had reached Hawaii. MIS and the SI crew from the islands jumped on a plane to chase the storm swells.
but before the haole island crew could make it back, chuckie and Roys party was ambushed by thousands of abbo-kiwi-gnome hybrids claiming to be Roy's love children from his days of wanderlusting around the pacific. Chuck a boo boo though he was in Gulliver's freakin Travels with all the little primitives running around, Charles didnt chuckle for long as they strung him up, put him on a spit and claimed him as the meal at their fathers fete, for they were so thankful to find someone they could call leader, even if he did dress like an astronaught. Now that they had the feast, they just need some wood for their fire...............
the boys head into the woods in search of driftwood,when a halo appeared in the distance.it was a brown van violently shaking in the bush.the boys went up to the van and spotted a man in a preachers outfit with 6 little boys.he introduced himself as wayne.the boys lit the van on fire as the kids escaped,waynes presence appeared out of his lifeless body and started chasing the boys through the woods....
Wayne's ghost was roaming the woods looking for little boy butt to prey on. Meanwhile OBX was firing. Metard had met Brew and Clemson up at Rodanthe to hit some well overhead pits. After a brief stop at the House of Waffles for some grub they headed up to Nags Head. On the way they met a man who claimed to be the Slayer of Waves. He said HELLO...
Metard, having spent 20 years in the Border Patrol before his lucrative career flipping huevos at Waffle House, used his best Spanglish on the Hispanic Hood in front of him. "Oye Cabron, soy Migra...y te voy a dar la verga bien seco." Chavez y Chavez, recognizing that the menacing Metard could serve his purposes well as a Cartel leader, offered Metard the chance of a lifetime by leaving his prosperous Waffle House position to be by his side as his personal Sicario.
Chavez had very large breast implants and a really small bikini. Brew was ready to hit the waves and really didnt have time to chat this bro/ wahine and so he asked him to wait for the rest of the SI crew while they went to surf. Metard and Waveslayer tagged along to the beach and what they saw when they crested the dunes amazed them...
The clouds had opened and a bright light shone down upon the glimmering sand....a figure descended to Earth from the heavens....it was Jesus. Immediately upon landing on the beach, the ghost of Wayne was there knelt down before Him with his mouth wide open.
...as they witnessed Emass whipping his best Carolina Cutback on one of Roy's 14.7' Zeig Heil Anti-Semite White Whale models. Emass paid cash for the slick gun by way of robbing Hindu models while performing his ultra-secret duties as a Double Naught Agent. As Tard and Slayer stroked out to the offshore-groomed 24 foot shoulders of Belmar Point, Emass was asked why he chose the Guppy of all surfboards instead of the carver's he usually preferred. Emass casually replied, "you can't kill a whale with a needle and thread, brah" as he turned into a perfect no-paddle entry into another heaving Belmar mass. As the stoked crew shared barrel after barrel, they turned to the shore and witnessed the oncoming horror of....
A five story tall wooden gnome creeping it's way onto the beach.... It was Roy and Boo Boo, they had gone to the latex dummy barn and built their very own Trojan Horse... Gaff let out a yell that'll curl your hair, "Ambush!!!" Koki, shank in hand, ran up to the huge wooden gnome and began chopping at it's brightly colored green shoes. The rest of the krew paddled in and joined Koki. Much to their surprise, a hatch opened and a powerful latex dummy jumped out of the gnome and began to fight the SI Army. Roy and Boo Boo chuckled with glee from inside the gnome, hands on each others' ding a ling's, of course. Out of nowhere, came a thunderous boom, it was....
....the cry of Jesus himself, letting all the surf brethren know of the mayhem that was let loose. Back in the haven of the Pacific Northwest, kidrock, NWSquid and mattybrews clubbed a sacrificial baby seal at the end of the Ocean Shores jetty and feasted on it's blubber. "Well Kid," asked Matty, "are we gonna take the short route through Iowa?" "Nah dude" replied The Kid, "we're gonna take the scenic route and surf the swell as it hits the Texas Gulf. But first, we're gonna stop at Windansea. I've been wanting to do a Rear Naked Choke on that little poosy Tudor...and I'm gonna do it with my shirt on." They loaded up the convertible Porsche 911 with their fastest quadfins, 12 bags of beef jerky and an ounce of Aberdeen's best tweak and headed down the coast to save their Eastern brothers. Meanwhile, back at the beach....
