http://youtu.be/lvc3E71pEMA Here is a 13 minute commercial, with a real character, some real waves, and a real sunrise in Cocoa Beach Fla. Oh, I forgot to include some very true words from a good book. Just thought I would make a cameo in this story, not sure if you included me in your story.
Please change your name to dousche canoe immediately. Metard will help you with an avatar. Thank you.
iSavior was a popular app used by some of the crew to ruin the vibe and crush everyone's spirits. After seeing what a total bringdown buzzkill sh1tbox rapevan of an app it actually was, no-one acknowledged its existence again. EVER
You really are the worst piece of sh!t on here. This post proves how self involved you are. You come into a thread that is going great and drop some more Jesus crap on us and derail it. Wayne get this through your head, I HATE YOU, SI HATES YOU, hell even God probably hates you. If I could I would crucify you so you can be just like your homeboy JC. Do us all a favor and kill yourself please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro. Really? Having it out in the tread when we have a scrap paper tread for this tread? Talk about walking right into his traps... Let's please salvage this tread and continue the story.
and Mary Lee, ecstatic about the profound relevance, stated that she had not had such fun since she dated baddy in high school.
The SS Swelluminati, manned by none other than Micah himself, along with Betty, LBCrew, Brewengineer, Capecodceedog, Vallhalla, and World B Free, the only 7 semi-sane members of the tribe, was on a mission to restore the zen, the aloha, the stoke. The Gang of Seven steamed north directly into the center of the 112.7 year storm.
Along the way the gang of 7 ran into a man who was walking across the ocean. They were shocked at the site and had to investigate. They pulled along side him and the man said I'm called My Savior and I am the way to redemption. The crew began to laugh and the false prophet seemd dimayed. Brew explained to the "savior" the physics behind surface tension of water and how things float and told the savior that he could not walk on water. You could see the light bulb click on in the "saviors" head and then just like in a cartoon he promptly sank below the water. As the crew of 7 looked over the edge of the boat to see if they could find the lost "savior" all they saw was the large dorsal fin of Mary Lee swin by. Now I was not there but I have been told that Vallhalla saw Mary Lee smile becasue as we all know sharks love to eat "Savior Snacks"...
Then Micah, his face horribly disfigured from his giving into the Dark Side, threw the rest of the gang of 7 to Mary Lee. She feasted voraciously. Their screams were muted by Micah's evil laughter. Standing next to him was SIMOD666, who claimed, 'Micah has abolished the Gang of 7, fear will keep Swell Info in line, fear of me!" In the distance stood a lone figure- Seldom Seen. He looked to the South, South Jersey that is and thought to himself, 'Help me Chavez y Chavez, your cartel is now our only hope." In the meantime, Sandblasters and Zach decided to....
... charter a sailing vessel, the HotKarl, in OCMD. While acquiring a new bench at the multinational retail chain store, Blaster and Zach heard of the plight of the gang of 7 and knew they had to quickly make their way north toward Jersey (the best state in the state) where the 112.7 year storm was swirling off the coast and intercept Mary Lee and make the rescue. Inside Mary Lee's belly, the gang of 7 celebrated the fact that they would no longer be forced to watch sunrise videos. She continued to swim north toward the 112.7 year storm. To the gang's surprise, also in her belly was the great waterman, sisurffdog who had been eaten while surfing the secret pier on his easy chair-SUP. Having lived in, on and around the water his entire life and experiencing all manner of kookdom along the Florida coast, he related that that the savior could have easily accomplished his walking on water feat had only he used a plastic hydro pod bubble. This gave the Ghost of Roy a fantastic new idea for his space age, high tech, multi-material 3D printer. The ghost let out a cry of "BLEF!" and his head quickly swelled to massive proportions inside his helmet....
So they decided the only way to settle this would be a Bench off in front of those Hindu chicas over there, sunning in full get up.
Meanwhile, up in Rhodey... Fortunately for Manisses and Ryan McCall, they were out on the shoulder, WAAAY out on the shoulder, when the huge wave reached them, and they began to lift onto it. They rose, and rose, and rose, and had a beer, and rose, and rose, and sh** their shorts, and rose, and rose. Finally, from the top, Manisses pointed south and shouted "Look! I can see Belmar from here!" The submarine went OTF into a huge crashing mass of whitewater. Just the whitewater was 23 ft high. The wave passed, and lowered the amazed duo back to sea level. Several minutes later, the sea finally calmed down. No sign of the submarine...
As Blaster and Zach made their way north from Ocean City, in the SS HotKarl (now sporting a 20'30' Rebel Flag), the two pounded beers and then they saw something off in the distance. It was a man in the middle of the ocean, waving his arms about. Yelling for help. As the two approached the man, they turned off the motor. The man was now yelling/asking "Jesus?" over and over. Zach peered off the side of the vessel. "No dude, it's not Jesus, it just some good ol boys on a barrel hunt. Man is it your lucky day. " As Zach helped the man onto the boat, he asked "What happened, why are you floating out in the middle of the ocean?".... The man explained to Zach and Blaster that he was attempting to walk on water, when some Scientologist put a spell on him. Soon after, he had a run in with a large white shark, but apparently, another group of men were tossed into the ocean around the same time, quickly getting the attention of the Apex Predator. Blasters and Zach offered him a beer after they helped him aboard. The man declined. Livid and insulted by this rejection, Zach and Blaster become enraged. Blaster grabbed the man by the neck as Zach yells "What are you, some kind of communist? A Man offers you a beer and you decline. You commie piece of sh**!" "WHO ARE YOU ? Blaster screamed?" Blaster released his neck just enough to let out a cackle. "MY SAVIOR" the man muttered as he gasped and coughed. Out of the mans pocket fell a ziplock bag, with a book in it. Zach reached down and the man yelled. "No, that is my book. Stay away from my book. I will get you your own copy. I promise"..... Zach snatched the bag off the ground and opened it, while blaster continued to choke the man into submission. Zach pulled out what appeared to be a Bible out of the wet ziplock bag. As he slowly removed the christian book from the bag, the paper cover slid off. Zach dropped the book immediately onto the ships deck when he realized what he was holding. Blaster stared down at the book.... Then Blaster yelled "Holy fu**. Its not a bible, its the Quran!" Blaster then slammed the man to the ground, ripping his shirt. Now a tattoo across the mans chest was exposed. The words "PRAISE ALLAH" were written in ink across the mans flesh. Zach screamed "Hes a complete phony... Here he is talking about Jesus and walking on water. Meanwhile, he is secretly reading the Quran and praying to Allah! Blaster and Zach began slapping the man repeatedly in the face, both fore handed and backhanded. The man wrestled and fought, but within seconds, Zach and Blaster tossed the man back over board. As he fell towards the sea, his last words were "FREE IRAQ AND SYRIA" and "I do it for the kids".... SPLASH The two men began to urinate into the ocean in the general direction in which the man was slowly sinking. And then.....
"This is how you walk on H2O brooooooo!!!" exclaimed Mr. BelMar himself as he rode a Rhodey 46-fotter off the macking ledge, KFC turning then kicking out. The Southern New Englanders had not seen this type of wave riding expression yet. The Class-A hype train pulled into the lot on the Salve Regina campus and cracked open the door upon coming to a halt. The Sweller crew piled out and looked in amazement far beyond the money waves breaking on the Ruggles reef as they witnessed their first view of the distant ledge. Buoy 44097 was reporting 23.6ft swell with 23s period and NW wind at 2kts. Spicoli cheered "thank you Incest sixty-fukkkinn-nine!!!!" as he ripped celebratory power slides on the Carver at the end of Ruggles Avenue. Koki Barrells followed up with stoke of his own saying "I want to be in that womb," which confused Mrs. Shred momentarily though she did not question it since EMass had led the conversation with talk of Incests. In the distance, Levy and Abruzzi bickered as they rode an enclosed wet sub back out into the lineup at the ledge. Unknown to the 7 Swellers that perished in the main sub's demise, the two Rhodesians had climbed to the detachable vehicle to escape when they saw torpedoes on the radar coming from the UK. The torpedoes were in fact what had caused the sub to explode, just as it'd gone OTF. "Holy shart," gasped Levy as he pointed to the hydroplane donning the British flag and several missiles...
Manisses and Ryan McCall, still dazed from what had just happened... were wondering if they should even try to tell anyone else. "You know that nobody's gonna believe this." "Yeah, I know." "TOLD YOU we shoulda got one o' them GoPro mounts from HoStevie!"
Suddenly, a man appeared, flailing around in the middle of the ocean. It looks like the same man that had been thrown overboard to the south a couple of hours earlier. The man was waving and screaming for help, when suddenly a torpedo, draped with UK propaganda banners and flags, collided with the man. A small mushroom cloud followed a huge "BOOMING" sound as the weapon made impact on the man. seconds later, the entire crew of onlookers were peppered with blood and limbs. When the human remains finally stopped falling from the sky. The crew heard a "THUD" in the sand behind them. They turned around to find a half burnt copy of the Quran, still smoldering in the sand..... "Well, that was pretty great timing for us. Not so much that guy that just exploded like a pinata" Spicoli said, as the crew escaped death by a very narrow margin. Lucky for them, the man that just can't seem to die has finally been blown to bits. But with his death, came the salvation of the rest of the crew. Ohh the irony.
The Brit bastids from MSW could not believe what they had witnessed. The man they knew as Benedict Arnold had been blown to smithereens by their own munitions. He had become their default leader because none of them had spines of their own. Their only chance to remedy the situation was to call in the Volcom Surf Team because they hated the SI crew (now a gang of 23 or so) as much MSW did. The gang of 23 also realized they also needed to step up their game. Fortunately for them, a man appeared on a stand up paddle board. He exclaimed "I rarely ride this thing" but the gang knew the truth. It did not matter because the sweeper had extensive knowledge of BOTH of Florida's coasts and he prefered to be in the water before the sun came up. Yes, largely forgotten for 16 pages, it was DawnPatrolSUP...
