The Lighter Side

Aw man dats raciss

 

One of my students just told me he wanted to work in the porn industry to see if he could piss me off. I told him he could be a fluffer. I bet he's Googling it right now. 2 months until I retire from academia...

 

bwaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

 

Little Johnny, when he was 11 years old, asked his Daddy if he could have a brand new bicycle. Daddy replied, "Hey, Johnny, can you touch the tip of your dick to your asshole?" Little Johnny said "No, Daddy". Daddy said, "go cut some lawns in the neighborhood and buy a used bike, then get a paper route, soon you'll be able to buy that brand new bicycle, son".

Long story short, 5 years later, when young Johnny turned 16, he said to his dad, in a much lower voice, "Yo, Dad, can yu buy me a new car, I'm 16 years old and just passed the driving test"? Dad said, "Hey, Johnny, can you touch the tip of your dick to your asshole?"

Young Johnny, all excited, said, "Yes Dad, Yes! I can now touch the tip of my dick to my asshole!!!".

Dad said, "Great! Now go fuck yourself!!!"

 

A woman marries a man thinking she can change him. She never will.

A man marries a woman thinking she'll never change. She will.

 

Don't get me started bruh.

 

You have gay friends.....??!!??

 

You have friends period??
It’s 2018 man.... I work in the arts... so yes lol.

 

Opera singer if I recall?

 

You got it lol... surrounded by homosensual types.

 

Being gay is so 2004. Being trendy is gay.

 

The secret of a long and happy life is being gay....
Somewhere along the way, I missed that one.

 

This threadle is gay.

 

These are actual comments left on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:

• “A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”
• “Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”
• “Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.”
• “Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”
• “Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.”
• “All the mile markers are missing this year.”
• “Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.”
• “Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”
• “Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”
• “Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter.”
• “Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.”
• “The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”
• “Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.”
• “Need more signs to keep area pristine.”
• “A McDonald’s would be nice at the trail head.”
• “The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.”
• “Too many rocks in the mountains.”

 

Never said they were happy.

 

Lmao at this.

Might have told this story before...a few years ago at the beach, some older lady had her lap dog taken by a bigass Bald Eagle. Just swooped down and grabbed it and flew off with the poor dog in its clutches.

The lady was obviously hysterical and called the park ranger. As if the ranger could do anything about it.