The Lighter Side

Discussion in 'All Discussions' started by nopantsLance, Feb 20, 2017.

  1. LongIslandBro

    LongIslandBro Well-Known Member

    Jul 21, 2017
    Got a little bit of R. Kelly in you, eh, Piedra?
  2. DawnPatrol321

    DawnPatrol321 Well-Known Member

    Mar 6, 2012
    This has multiple meanings. R Kelly has been inside a lot of people.

  3. nopantsLance

    nopantsLance Well-Known Member

    Aug 15, 2016
  4. La_Piedra

    La_Piedra Well-Known Member

    Oct 9, 2017
    More like role playing. She plays Trump and I play the part of a Russian hooker.

    j/k, just like to pee on her leg in the shower
  5. DosXX

    DosXX Well-Known Member

    Mar 2, 2013
    An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

    One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.

    The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
    nopantsLance and SCOB3YVILLE like this.
  6. La_Piedra

    La_Piedra Well-Known Member

    Oct 9, 2017
    When I woke up this morning
    the dawn was soft and still
    A little robin came and sat
    upon my window sill
    He tipped his head and looked at me
    his eyes so bright and clear
    He chirped a little melody
    My morning thoughts to cheer
    His song he sang so sweetly
    Without a moments lull
    I gently closed the window
    and crushed his fucking skull.
    nopantsLance and ChavezyChavez like this.
  7. capecodcdog

    capecodcdog Well-Known Member

    Jun 22, 2012
    NonSequitaorBrammer20180508.jpg The swell grammar police may have a point ...
    nopantsLance and La_Piedra like this.
  8. sisurfdogg

    sisurfdogg Well-Known Member

    Jun 17, 2013
    Do bears shit in the desert?
  9. Barry Cuda

    Barry Cuda Well-Known Member

    Sep 7, 2009
    nopantsLance and heaps of Meh like this.
  10. nopantsLance

    nopantsLance Well-Known Member

    Aug 15, 2016
    As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a HOOT anymore.

    If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

    A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

    A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
    A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
    And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

    Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

    Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes

    3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?

    7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

    8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant; the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.

    10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

    13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

    14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

    15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

    16. It's not hard to meet expenses.... they're everywhere.

    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter, I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm "here after".

    19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

  11. Sir_Ballyhoo

    Sir_Ballyhoo Well-Known Member

    Mar 8, 2018
    I play real sports, fuk this guy.
  12. NICAfiend

    NICAfiend Well-Known Member

    May 12, 2012
  13. notaseal

    notaseal Well-Known Member

    Apr 18, 2015
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
    nopantsLance, NICAfiend and CBSCREWBY like this.
  14. nopantsLance

    nopantsLance Well-Known Member

    Aug 15, 2016
    Little old Asian woman walks into a bank and exchanges fifty yen for US dollars.
    She gets $7.50.

    A week later she goes into the same bank with the same amount and gets only $6.27.

    Furious, she demands to see the manager and and asks why there is a drop in the amount
    of money she got back.

    The bank manager says to her, "Ma'am, the difference is due to fluctuations".

    Little old Asian lady says, "Well, fluc you white people, too" !!!
    headhigh and La_Piedra like this.