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Discussion in 'All Discussions' started by nopantsLance, Feb 20, 2017.
Got a little bit of R. Kelly in you, eh, Piedra?
This has multiple meanings. R Kelly has been inside a lot of people.
More like role playing. She plays Trump and I play the part of a Russian hooker.
j/k, just like to pee on her leg in the shower
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
When I woke up this morning
the dawn was soft and still
A little robin came and sat
upon my window sill
He tipped his head and looked at me
his eyes so bright and clear
He chirped a little melody
My morning thoughts to cheer
His song he sang so sweetly
Without a moments lull
I gently closed the window
and crushed his fucking skull.
The swell grammar police may have a point ...
Do bears shit in the desert?
THOUGHTS TO PONDER
As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a HOOT anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant; the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
16. It's not hard to meet expenses.... they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter, I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm "here after".
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE …. ?
I play real sports, fuk this guy.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Little old Asian woman walks into a bank and exchanges fifty yen for US dollars.
She gets $7.50.
A week later she goes into the same bank with the same amount and gets only $6.27.
Furious, she demands to see the manager and and asks why there is a drop in the amount
of money she got back.
The bank manager says to her, "Ma'am, the difference is due to fluctuations".
Little old Asian lady says, "Well, fluc you white people, too" !!!