The other half's career and location...

I originally set 55 as my semi-retirement age, or at least I did when I was like late 30's. It's crazy how much life changes in a matter of 7 years or even only 3 years. Do you move around a lot? I wouldn't like doing that, but I do travel a lot for work and am out on the ''Road'' a lot because of it. By road, I mean by way of air travel.

San Diego would be pretty sweet, as far as the lower 48 goes. Not really LA so much, but LA County or Orange County definitely could be cool. So Cal traffic is a ****ing disaster though.

 

Not sure what the original intent or focus was of this thread, but I'll throw in my alcohol-induced, rambling 2 cents/sense for what they're worth. I think my theme here is that regardless of all our desires, plannings, and intentions, life happens.

Lemme go grab a cold Yuengling IPL from the fridge. I hope it's not just a seasonal offering - getting to like the swill. I normally don't drink on Tuesdays, but I had a rough time tonight dealing with a difficult, 85 year old legally blind Mom. Dad passed away last year about this time. Since Jan 2015 when he broke his hip and had replacement surgery, I've been her primary caregiver. Not to be a buzz kill, but life happens.

Our fourth child has special needs. She was born in 1997, the year we moved from Ventura, CA to VA Beach. On account of having a special needs child, my wife became a "stay at home" Mom. Financially-wise, it was a bit of a struggle, but life happens.

We tend to get our enjoyment from the simpler things: camping, family and friend get-togethers, a cookout or sitting around the fire pit in the in the backyard, going to a Norfolk Tides ball game or a Norfolk Admirals hockey game, sitting around the kitchen table drinking beer or wine and playing cards or board games. Doing things together. Visiting relatives, in-laws and outlaws in central NY at least once a year, going to Cooperstown (Baseball hall of Fame), Syracuse Chiefs ball games, fishing, and apple picking in the Fall. Building memories for our kids who now, as adults, stay in contact with their aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Then there was visiting my Dad at the nursing home Thanksgiving 2015, eating turkey dinner and later having arm wrestling contests at the nursing home, including me with my with my future son-in-law. Damn rednecks... Good memories. I may be getting a bit off track here.

So, my wife did not return to work after our 4th child, and we've been living on one income. We live about 15 miles from the ocean, and I work on a Navy base right on the beach which provides me the opportunity to surf year-round, every day: morning, noon, and after work, if I want. In this regard, I really don't have a lot to complain about.

I miss my Dad, and being the daily caregiver these past 26 months for a difficult Mom has been a challenge which drives me to the brink sometimes. It's an experience that I don't wish on anyone, but one that has become more common with our generation. It's also been an eye opener and a revelation seeing the aging process and how one really needs to come to grips with one's personal issues - whether it be anger, negativity, OCD, spousal resentment, etc. - before it becomes too ingrained when one is older.

Gotta take Mom to a dental appointment tomorrow AM. I think it's been over 3 years. My wife, who's a saint, will be doing Mom's grocery shopping. Had to schedule the appointment myself and take time off work. Mom now doesn't think the appointment is necessary. Changed her mind. Her cognitive and physical capabilities have been deteriorating. These Depression Era folks... I think my Dad may have done some of his own dental work with hand tools in the garage just to save a few bucks.

Not sure where I'm going with all this semi-"stream of conscious" horsesh*t. Maybe just venting to my friends. Anyway, If I didn't have a great wife and mother of our four kids (now 25, 23, 21, and 19), surfing, running, and my tenuous faith, I'd be a basket case.
Life happens.

Good night...or good morning.

 

You are a good man, DosXX.

 

Thanks for sharing DosXX, you're a good dude.

 

+1. Stay strong brother.

 

Go go go and go. What is wrong with you? You need your head checked? If you have a job on Hawaii, just ****ing go. I was born there and have been back many many times, last time Oct 2016. The vibe there is cool if you're cool, that simple. If you are a happy person and show respect, you will make friends and have a great time. The waves are world class as everyone knows now, and you can surf year round pretty much. Honolulu is a humongous international city, who knows what kind of other opportunities could come your way as far as jobs. You don't need a ton of money to have fun there, sure you have the rich people, but most folks are simple and enjoy the beach, the ocean and a good bbq. If you have the chance to go, do it, or you may just regret not going the rest of your life. If you don't like it there, you can leave. It's a free country, for now.

 

+2

 

I enjoy reading stories like this Dos! You're a good family man! It's not something I've ever really been cut out for, or had much of a desire to be. I'd take care of my mother if I had to, I just don't think I could do a very good job of it. I'd go crazy taking care of one kid, let alone four of them! You seem to be doing a great job though. Wish there were more guys like you. Some guys are complete ****s and will walk out on their families or let a parent die if they had to. Like my ****head former roommate, who bailed on his wife and little girl. The most pathetic part is he had it made there. His wife is a teacher and making over $100k a year, while he was a stay at home dad and she took care of him. Wasn't good enough for him though.

And I LOL'd at the part about your dad doing his own dental work with tools from the garage to save a few bucks haha.

You mean to tell me you were born in Hawaii and you moved out and don't live there anymore? The **** is wrong with you?! Haha! I agree though. The locals were pretty good to me in the quite a few times that I've been there over the years. And if you're decent at surfing, like I was at the beginning of the decade, they'll definitely treat you good. If there's one place where the natives are definitely cool with outsiders, it's Hawaii. Or at least it is on Oahu. One of the things I certainly considered when deciding that I'd love to live there someday, if not only part time, due to my job situation. Which I would not be able to do in Hawaii.

 

Well after spending about a decade in the Hawaiian Islands, I was prepared to give you all sorts of thoughts but since your not going, I won't bore you or the crew.

I did want to second and third Dos' post/situation. You are the man. Statistically most son's bail on their parents...not you. Sounds like there is much love in the Dos Family. Even if caring for your Mom is trying and even frustrating at times, I hope you find that it's rewarding (may be a strong word), knowing that you are doing all that you can do to give her a quality of life....with a special needs child as well (I have done a little work/volunteering in this area and have a friend in a similar situation...dude you are doing the right thing...and definitely deserve an IPA or two at the end of the day!!!).

 

Ho Lee Fuk, DosXX. You're a stronger man than I. Keep fighting the good fight.

 

Regarding my post from last night, thanks for the positive words of encouragement. Believe it or not, it helps.

 

Dosxx, you are a good and heroic man. It takes courage to do what you do.

 

As SS said, keep fighting the good fight. Prayers for you to persevere. IMHO, you're treasuring good things in your heart and are realizing the sweet blessing of the basic things in life.

 

double post

 

DosXX my mom is doing that for my grandmother right now, its heavy, wiping old people a$$ aint for the faint of heart
I swear to got I am getting a motorcycle and no helmet when I turn 85


and OP- ID rather live in buxton or atlantic city than honolulu, surfing town sucks and if you work all day you wont be driving to the north shore to surf after work with all the traffic

Atlantic city would actually be a pretty good east coast base, minutes from surf and an airport

 

#smokingcrackonceihit70

 

Maybe I've been really lucky, but traffic isn't too, too bad from Honolulu to the North Shore. Though I've almost always done the drive when I was there at non-peak/rush hour times. You got some decent surf in Honolulu and areas close to Honolulu, and you can always do the North Shore on weekends/days off from work!

Ventnor is a pretty nice town on Absecon Island, right next to Atlantic City. Cost of housing there is pretty cheap too, compared to other places and even though it's right next to AC, it's very safe and there's not much crime there. Despite it's close proximity to AC. My best friend's brother in law and sister bought a house there, with a view of the bay for like $161k or something. Needed minimal work and was only about 40 years old. Since it's next to the water, it floods a bit though and they have to have flood insurance. Same thing with me by the glimmer glass in Manasquan. They've also got a nice view the casino's on the boardwalk out of a few windows, or at least what's left of the casino's in AC.

Job market is probably not that great there, I bet a lot of people who live there commute to Philly, the same way Monmouth County residents commute to New York City. His sister is a teacher in town at the elementary school and her husband works for Bally's, or at least until they close and go bankrupt, like most of the other one's. I'd live there though. I like Absecon Island a lot.

 

"Maybe I've been really lucky, but traffic isn't too, too bad from Honolulu to the North Shore. Though I've almost always done the drive when I was there at non-peak/rush hour times. You got some decent surf in Honolulu and areas close to Honolulu, and you can always do the North Shore on weekends/days off from work!"

You have been lucky Eats! The traffic around Honolulu is a nightmare. It seems like it gets worse every time I go. Definitely got to travel around peak traffic to and from NS. It's not that hard though...when your there playing tourist. Also, there are definitely some goods on South shore...MIS is spoiled lol.