The Seldom Seen Christmas Special

Riley Martin's Disgruntled Neighbor · Oct 17, 2017

Have to say the Ghost of South Jetty Bill was probably the best version. I.... I really loved him.

sisurfdogg · Oct 17, 2017

Great smoking thunder****s! WTF?

CBSCREWBY · Oct 18, 2017

MadeItStop said: ↑

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Toad you, MIS... Don't try to go around the word censor. "Vagina Thumper" is totes acceptable...

sheetglass · Oct 18, 2017

I don't even post here a lot, but Bill was the high point of this forum. One of a select few first-ballot HOF swellinfo posters. Long live SouthJettyBill

ChavezyChavez · Oct 18, 2017

I used to scare my kids by invoking his name.
"If you don't eat your spinach, South Jetty Bill is gonna eat you!"
When they went to sleep at night they checked under their beds and in their closets to make sure South Jetty Bill wasn't hiding in there.

antoine · Aug 31, 2020

Paddington Jetty Bear said: ↑

Wednesday Morning, Christmas Day, and our hero, Seldom Seen, just got done opening presents from Wayne and Santa Claus. Seldom is very excited, not just because of Christmas, but because two dudes he met on Swellinfo.com are going to meet-up with him to surf a undisclosed Rhode Island shreddin' spot. Seldom's heart sings with joy - besieged with love from his family, good will towards man, and the wonderous promise of new friendship.

Seldom makes one last check on Swellinfo.com to see if his pals are still coming. THEY ARE !!
So Seldom loads his gear in his car, packs his favorite bowl - Rex the Tex Mex Hex - and proceeds through Bridgeport dodging chicken heads and other undesirables. He sees a man on a skateboard begging change at a red light, and gives him 60 cents. The man thanks him, and begins to tell him aboot the evils of corporate America. Seldom suspects that man may be Trevolution........

Out past the city limits of congested southern CT, Seldom puffs his pipe, and starts to relax. The ride through the beautiful CT and RI countryside reminds Seldom of his favorite movie - Me, Myself and Irene. Seldom wishes Renee Zellweger was with him, and dreams of having three large black children of superior intelligence. He wouldn't even mind the multiple personality disorder thing, as Seldom considers, Hank, a righteous dude.

Seldom later comes across a van, broken-down on the shoulder, most likely headed towards North Attelboro, and starts to think aboot Yankee and Leethestud. He overhears one of the van's passengers yell at the driver, while stopped at yet another traffic light. Seldom couldn't discern exactly what was said; but apparently the van contained a rock n' roll band and the passenger was upset that the driver refused to start consuming heroin in order to make them musically viable. The passenger called the driver, Big Baby Grand.

Seldom finally pulls up to the shreddin' spot, and sees a lone car idling with Massachusetts plates. "It's them," Seldom Seen thinks, and excitedly exits his vehicle. The joy in his heart was great, and the thrill increased as an occupant of the car, with the Massachusetts plates, stepped forth from the vehicle.

Seldom's tail wagged furiously and he screamed, "Are you Jeff.........and where's Adam?"

The lone stranger happily replied, "Yes, I am Jeff, and Adam is right there." Seldom, was taken aback for a moment, as Jeff pointed to nothing but air and space. His surprise was aboot to be taken to another, much confusing level.......one poor Seldom could never had imagined.

Jeff, then did a ventriloquist's voice and said, " HI, SELDOM SEEN, I'm Adam, I'm from Santa Cruz. Oh man, you sponging dork.......You east coasters have waves that suck. The waves are big and tall in Santa Cruz. Ahhh yes, Santa Cruz where the ocean is rough and the women are hairy."

Jeff then stood there smiling at Seldom Seen. Then Jeff said, " Looks like some good breakers out there," referring to the 2-3' leftovers graciously languishing for a Christmas Day shred fest.

Seldom's tail had stopped wagging, and his mouth was agape. Seldom Seen was in shock. What had he gotten himself into?

Jeff, again did his ventriloquist's voice and said, "Why heck, back in Santa Cruz me and the boys would consider this flat, and we'd spend the day in the parking lot hassling old hippy guys and lone University of California-Santa Cruz students. Yeah, we could have hassled a group of UCSC students, but we just never wanted to."

To Be Continued........
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Here it is. The Christmas story

Forums

The Seldom Seen Christmas Special

Riley Martin's Disgruntled Neighbor Well-Known Member

sisurfdogg Well-Known Member

CBSCREWBY Well-Known Member

sheetglass Well-Known Member

ChavezyChavez Well-Known Member

antoine Well-Known Member