tourist on the best peaks and in the way..

Just remember you don't owe anybody anything. Go out there on your SUP, sit outside, snag a wave and run 'em all over, make sure you aren't wearing a leash to cause maximum damage. Then head in, smoke a fat jay, drink a case of red bull and bench 8 plates while screwing your girlfriend. Go home, post a thread on SI about how you couldn't believe those people were such idiots for being on your wave so you can get emotional support from other kooks who agree with you. Then you can focus on more important issues like beach replenishment and not getting eaten by a shark. While you are at it, make sure you post a thread asking what the best workout for surfing is because we sure as hell don't have enough of those.

 

Does it matter this weekend? Unless HHI got some magical swell that didn't show up in charleston, you were only dealing with knee high stuff at the best spots. I just hate when the tourists swim right into the area I am surfing. Did this happen to you today?

 

just break all their boards. . . then they can't surf. Then when they start swimming do a gnarly cutback and slice off their ears. works every time for me

 

Calmly paddle up to them , tell them you're the surf police and pull your ticket book out of your speedo and stroke them a fake ticket as follows.
1 first offense = punch in the face
2 second offense=punch in the face and break their surfboard
3 third offense= death

( only kidding about the third offense )

 

Kill one. And brutally. The rest will move away rather quickly.
Just don't get caught or you'll end up in the Pokey

 

Tell them You are the Mayor of that break and have been surfing it for 45 years. Never mind if the number don't add up

 

geez just tell them they are in the way?

 

Just paddle out with a smile, stroke into a nug when it's time, and rip the wave apart and finish off with a huge air. If you can't do that, then don't worry about it...

 

ya know, every year it's the same thing: "waaa, the tourists are getting in the way!" "waaa, i think there might be sharks in the ocean!" "waaa, the lifeguards are mean to me!" etc, etc, ad nauseum. it occurs to me that most of these things can be fixed/avoided/ignored by applying simple common sense to the problem:

1)surf where/when the tourists/summer pros/wannabes don't. when people complain about crowds at a surfing-only beach at mid-day in july, i can't help but laugh. wtf do you expect?
2)sharks live in the ocean. if you want to spend time in the ocean, learn about them & how they behave. make a choice...live w/ the consequences.
3)see solution & 1. surf when the lifeguards aren't around. pretty easy to avoid them, they're only on duty from 9 or 10am until 5 or 5:30.

in other words, quit yer *****in' & learn to work around things. this is life in a tourist town. i get the sense that this is all going to fall on deaf ears anyway, b/c i also get the impression that most of you complaining about this stuff don't actually *live* in these towns, but are the self-same summer pros many have already expressed disgust w/. you can't be bothered to wake up early & hit the dawn patrol b/c you don't really care that much. you just want to look cool for the chicks on the beach.

 

Maybe you should have a knife strapped to you ankle for situations like this- i learned it from a surf movie I once saw-after they drop in and your in the wash- cut thier leash and send thier board to the beach / make them swim in. You don't really even need to say anything...
The knife also comes in handy incase you run into a shark... The shark sees the knife strapped on- they will not mess with you!

 

One time this tourist was at my spot, nice kid, but he was at my spot. I took off on a wave and here he comes looking like a kook with cotton candy on his face and a big old candy apple. I just snapped, I walked up to him grabbed his glistening sand peppered apple and smashed it on the jetty. Everyone on the beach and in the water cheered, suddenly emboldened by my brave act. It was open season on tourists. I saw life guards crushing sand castles, seagulls and pigeons started pecking the eyes out of an old lady in a beach wheel chair. A grom with the strength only someone high on stoke could muster had his board above his head and up the @ss of a pale fat kid as he writhed in agony. It was the best day of my life, it was a perfect hell on earth. Never to be repeated in the annals of time, only to be remembered by those who were there, we lucky few, we band of brothers.

 

A grom with the strength only someone high on stoke could muster had his board above his head and up the @ss of a pale fat kid as he writhed in agony. It was the best day of my life, it was a perfect hell on earth.

Dude...I'm f^%$ing CRYing right now.
Thanks.

 

Sorry, but the complaint department is closed until further notice, please direct your concerns to those who affect you in these situations. Thank you for your understanding on this matter as the SwellInfo.com forum has reached max capacity for complaints at this time.

 

Just go. Create a couple of near miss situations and dont apologize. They will give you some space.

 

+1, that was pure gold.

 

Our break gets pretty crowded in the summer. We just surf the peaks anyway, the people just naturally move away, they don't want to get hit by a moving longboard. Lots of them don't realize they are camped out on the best peak, so they don't seem upset about moving to a different part of the ocean. Try it and report back if it works.

 

Lol, I felt inspired