Hey, there's a river in New Jersey that flows into the ocean. On one side of the inlet lies a ghetto-like area. On this bank of the river are rocks and jetty-like structures. Upon these rocks and jetty-like structures sits Uptown Marley. He likes to be called, " Maahhh-ley," like he was from Boston or something. Well, he sits on them rocks everyday waiting for surfers to drift into the river and wash up upon the shore. You do NOT want to find out what he does to hapless surfers who are unlucky enough to encounter Uptown Marley. Like I said before, beware of Uptown Marley. You've been warned. I'm totally seriously you guys. Thoughts....comments?
Brahs I put on my aggro face and mean mug the crowds to let them know who the real charger in town is. Once they see me drop my balls so deep in a barrel they'd think I got sucked into the northend canyon until I pop out the back and do a whirly bird in the air and then I land right on my board already with momentum and don't even have to paddle back out I just drift that way naturally, yeah once they see that they will yield every wave. Usually they will even spot the outside sets and yell "CHARGER, OUTSIDE SET". I nod and let them take the credit for the spot, but we all know I saw that set a mile out before they did and I'm already on the peak.
Idk, if uptown keeps his hands to himself it's all good. If he thinks I'm going to be his next victim, he's wrong. Homie don't play that.
Word up brosley, i used to surf the canyon all the time but I lost my ski on a serious wipeout a few weeks back and had to swim in about 24 miles. I took a break at the light tower and speared a tuna. Drank his blood and at the eyeballs and liver and then finished my swim in. I used to have a dolphin friend that would tow me in but all the great whites out there pushed them away and even though that real big whitey offerered me a tow last time I saw the way he licked his lips, and i swear i heard a belly rumble. Got to be careful at the canyon yall
you guys give me an award and I'll see what I can do. Or just make a poll of who the best creative writer is on the forums. Yankee will win, and I'll be the runner up, and pbj will be the second runner up. He actually isn't that talented but he has a fragile ego so we will bolster his self esteem by considering him for the honor. I crave the stimulative motivation of an award ceremony. Probably get pbj to write a speech to celebrate my runner up position and then me and yankee will bless him for his efforts and he will get an A and a pat on the back.
It is truly an honor to even be allowed to comment on this forum with such greatness abounding! Thank you one and all!
Aww thanks dude. That post, just a few above, was killer, dude. Yes, I have a fragile ego. My therapist said that nothing is better for my self-esteem than becoming an anonymous hero on the internet. Oh God, please say something nice aboot me, please. Let's see, a Swellinfo no-name thinks he should get the SWELLINFO creative writer runner-up spot? Ok dude. That's so delusional I don't know what to say. See, I know all aboot you. You're upset and came out the shadows because you think you got something, and seeing that I'm The Alpha Beta and the Omega 3 Fatty Acid really stirs up your neglected self. DON'T EVER CALL ME FRAGILE !!! MY EGO IS SO.......uh, uh.... NON-FRAGILE !!!! MY SELF-ESTEEM IS FINE....MY THERAPIST SAID SO....... CARL JUNG LABELED ME AN ENFJ...you son of b!tch. Ok, hot shot..........why don't you finish The Seldom Seen Christmas Special or if you don't want to finish someone else's stuff. Do something to show how hot you are. Yeah, a bit more than a paragraph aboot losing your ski and spearing a tuna............ Or you for real? You think that's good stuff? Dude, go look-up Charles Baer and he'll show you how to do a good..." HELP, trapped out at sea," story. A great white bit off his pen!s off the coast of Alaska. When he finally got to shore, the shark was dead on the beach. It had choked on his pen!s. Dude, you're so haole you don't even know your haole. Ya know what it is that I be sayin' DON'T YOU DARE PAT ME ON THE BACK YOU MOTHERTRUCKER If you are jealous of my mental problems and want to fight me, let me know. My therapist says I need to attack things that bother me. I can't let them bottle-up. You called my submissions on a surf predictin' website " not so talented." You SOB, I spend weeks locked in a closet thinking of this stuff. Ok dude, I'll be waiting to blessed with your brilliant comedic mind. Don't wait to long. I'm going surfing.......on waves.......and I'll hope you'll give us something good by the time I get back.
Woke up at dawn today. Didn't feel right. Just weird. I normally wait till the tide is a bit little lower at my spot but I gots to work later so I went out anyway. The waves were VERY nice. But I still felt weird. There really was some dude on the jetty. It looked like he was holding a pooper scooper in his hand like the Staff of Moses. I'm thinking, "That f@cking PJB, his friggin Uptown Marley guy is stalking my break." Then the REAL reason why I felt weird hit me as my colon nearly exploded into my wetsuit. Had to cut my session short. Now here I sit on the sh!tter all shivering with my arse exploding. Thanks Bill. I think Uptown Marley put a curse on my colon.
I'm disappointed there weren't any wolves in the seldom seen christmas special. Dude should've rolled to the spot with the wolf pack, started barking and growling to communicate to the pack they need to clear the peak. Seldom suits up on the beach. He doesn't need a wetsuit, he just stalks a seal and guts it with his bare hands and then uses his teeth to skin it. He sews it together with wolf hair he gets from the beta male of the pack that challenged him for the seals esophagus, which he killed with a single swipe of his clawed man paw. Then by the time this half man half beast has suited up his wolf pack has cleared the peak and seldom lets out the scariest wolf howl you have ever heard and jumps in the water. The water is a little scared too so the break opens up like the red sea for moses and this crazy wolf man actually walks out to the line up and puts up a reclining beach chair and just waits for the sets. Other than that though dude you are really something special. And I know that is true because i am actually one of your alternative handles. The one you use when you really want to shine like the brightest star in the sky. Which is of course the sun.
Wow, that was fantastic. Game, set and match - Northendcanyon. (Loud applause.) You must wow your high school creative writing class. You should spin your talents towards the rugged adventurer type. Tomorrow is the last day that I have to be negative and a wise-arse, as I'm going to be positive in 2014. Sorry aboot your colon, Chavez. And Uptown Marley is a real person. He lives on Adriatic Ave in the inlet area. Don't believe me, go see for yourself.
